Blondes

[Bootneck]

OK folks. Time for yet more blonde jokes! Here goes:


Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

 

[CrimsonWhite]

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb bitch! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!!!

 

[Big Black Dog]

They are going to put the headlight dimmer switch back on the floorboards of cars beginning in 2011. Too many blondes were getting their foot caught in the steering wheel...

 

[Bootneck]

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

 

[Bootneck]

A blonde pushes her car into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just shit in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

 

[JenT]

You already posted on the original blond thread and had to run over here with it? (rolling eyes)
http://www.usmessageboard.com/1384336-post1.html

oooooooooookay....

What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

 

[Bootneck]

You already posted on the original blond thread and had to run over here with it? (rolling eyes)
http://www.usmessageboard.com/1384336-post1.html

oooooooooookay....

What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

Aha! I see what you've done here. You've simply transposed blonde and brunette!

 

[Bootneck]

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

 

[Bootneck]

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realise that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe
all those dumb blonde jokes that Bootneck keeps posting on USMB."

A good while later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her......

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

 

[DamnYankee]

You already posted on the original blond thread and had to run over here with it? (rolling eyes)
http://www.usmessageboard.com/1384336-post1.html

oooooooooookay....

What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

Aha! I see what you've done here. You've simply transposed blonde and brunette!

And was whining about being called stupid earlier? Or was that just for getting neg repped for it?

 

[editec]

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realise that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe
all those dumb blonde jokes that Bootneck keeps posting on USMB."

A good while later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her......

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

Okay, that was a good one.

 

[Bootneck]

OK let's have some balance in this thread. What about those blonde blokes!

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. ''If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.''

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes.

Finally, the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.

She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, ''Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at Wal-Mart, now you can follow me over to K-Mart.''

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

In a bathroom in New York somewhere, if you tell a lie you disapear.

A Brunette walks into the bathroom. "I am the Hottest girl in New York!"

POOF she disappeared.

A red headed girl walks into the bathroom. "I am the smartest girl in New York!!"

POOF she disappeared.

A blonde walks in the bathroom. "I Think..."

POOF she disappears.

 

[JenT]

In a bathroom in New York somewhere, if you tell a lie you disapear.

A Brunette walks into the bathroom. "I am the Hottest girl in New York!"

POOF she disappeared.

A red headed girl walks into the bathroom. "I am the smartest girl in New York!!"

POOF she disappeared.

A blonde walks in the bathroom. "I Think..."

POOF she disappears.

 

[random3434]

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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.



Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave



Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?




Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.




Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

 

[PoliticalChic]

Man walks into a ladies bar and says “wanna hear a blond joke?” One says I’m a blond bartender, she’s a blond wrestler, this one’s a blond marine, she’s a blond cop and she’s a blond firefighter. Still wanna tell the joke? “no- not if I have to explain it five times.”

 

[Bootneck]

Wow! So many blonde gags. Can there be any left? I think so!


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'