Best Comeback Line Ever...

[Shattered]

This was in the Washington Post... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever."

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of

Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be

charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public

intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to

stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one

around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a

phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of

the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes,

cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I

was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County

police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda

Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said

officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at

this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached

Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that

you are screwing a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me

straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'

 

[Annie]

This was in the Washington Post... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever."

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of

Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be

charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public

intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to

stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one

around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a

phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of

the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes,

cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I

was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County

police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda

Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said

officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at

this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached

Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that

you are screwing a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me

straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'

I bet we could find a link...

 

[Shattered]

Actually, I read somewhere that the story is complete bunk, but it's amusing as hell, nonetheless.

 

[Annie]

Actually, I read somewhere that the story is complete bunk, but it's amusing as hell, nonetheless.

Most definately, bunk and amusing:

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl-pumpkin-sex.htm

 

[Shattered]

I think that's the one I read.. I remember this:

<i>That said, we are obliged to confirm that in 2002 a disconcertingly similar incident made headlines in Warren, Michigan when a local man was convicted of traipsing around nude in his back yard and, in full view of his neighbors, "using a pumpkin to sexually gratify himself." He was sentenced to 90 days in jail for indecent exposure.</i>

But.. it turned up in email the other day, and I decided it was post-worthy... :gross2:

 

[deaddude]

heard a similar story about a drug smuggler, the guy is flying a couple a load of marijuana over the border, on of his engines goes out and he is forced to land in the desert on the outskirt of som town in Arizona, hearing sirens in the distance
he decides that running is futile, so he heads to the cargo, rolls the largest joint imaginable. When the police arrive they see him high as a kite, amid a gigantic pile of hash.

"Would you all believe that this is all for my own personal use?"

 

[archangel]

heard a similar story about a drug smuggler, the guy is flying a couple a load of marijuana over the border, on of his engines goes out and he is forced to land in the desert on the outskirt of som town in Arizona, hearing sirens in the distance
he decides that running is futile, so he heads to the cargo, rolls the largest joint imaginable. When the police arrive they see him high as a kite, amid a gigantic pile of hash.

"Would you all believe that this is all for my own personal use?"

This is partially true...1977 East of Yuma Arizona...the subject did in fact crash his Cessna 172 fully loaded with MJ...tried to make his escape...sorta hard to do with a broken leg...didn't get but a half mile from crash site...when we Customs Patrol and DEA and AHP arrived he did say it was for "personal use and immense PAIN" Ya had to be there to get the jest and laugh!

 

[Mr. P]

... "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that

you are screwing a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me

straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
What quick wits us Georgia boys have...

 

[Avatar4321]

Two things come to mind.

When a guy asks a girl out and she rejects him in a harsh way respond:

"You shouldn't be so picky. I wasn't"

When a police officer pulls you over and you roll down the window, use the Jedi mind trick and tell him "You have no business with this car" (This actually worked for a friend of my friend.)

 

[no1tovote4]

Two things come to mind.

When a guy asks a girl out and she rejects him in a harsh way respond:

"You shouldn't be so picky. I wasn't"

When a police officer pulls you over and you roll down the window, use the Jedi mind trick and tell him "You have no business with this car" (This actually worked for a friend of my friend.)

"These aren't the drugs you're looking for...?"

 

[green lantern]

This was in the Washington Post... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever."

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of

Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be

charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public

intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to

stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one

around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a

phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of

the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes,

cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I

was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County

police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda

Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said

officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at

this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached

Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that

you are screwing a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me

straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

 

[Avatar4321]

Thought of another good comeback from Family Guy:

"You better watch who you're calling a child Lois, because if I'm a child you know what that makes you? A pedophile and i'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert."