Hobbit
Senior Member
Ok, so this new place opened up near where I live recently. As soon as the sign went up (it's near the local Atlanta Bread Company, so we saw it pretty much the very day it went off), my dad went ballistic and my mom joined him. It turns out that they'd both been to locations of this franchise in and around Washington D.C. (my dad's eaten at stores #1 and #5). The place is called "Five Guys," because it was founded by a guy and his five sons. I must say that this is, bar none, the best burger place in the whole wide universe and any parallel universes there may be, except the universe where beef causes orgasms, and then there's not many there that beat it, either.
So anyway, to give you an idea of how much a$$ this burger place kicks all up and down the street, imagine this. For years and years, you've gone to so many different burger places. In any place, you have to walk in the door, trip over 50+ kids, try your best to ignore stupid cartoon ads meant to get any kids you may have to drag you in by the testicles (or ovaries), try not to slide on the nasty floor, give your order to some fat, ugly trailer trash who was so stupid that she couldn't even make it up to a management position at MCWENDYKING, and then wait 5 minutes for a warmed over, previously frozen piece of mostly soy that comes with painfully artificial fries covered in salt and something highly addictive, possibly crack.
Now imagine that this new, awesome place opens up and your dad takes you there. There's a few kids, but mostly not the obnoxious kind who need lypo and good beating. There's no stupid ads or 'decor,' just a plain tile wall with their billions of awards hung all over it. You order from a well-mannered person who works for a guy who actually bought the franchise rights and has to try to make money (oh, and the floor is clean). Now that you've ordered, you see the guy who's supposed to make your food actually rip a big hunk of USDA prime off of a beautiful mountain of beef, roll it into an actual beef patty, and throw it down onto a grill. Then, you look towards the fry bin and see them cutting up actual, whole potatoes and then, with no processing, just tossing the glorious Idaho spuds right into a big vat of peanut oil. Oh, and you know they're Idaho potatoes because there's a sign next to the guy's head that tell you exactly what city in Idaho the potatoes came from (thank God for the people of Idaho, who live in quite possibly the crappiest state of all time just to bring me the most kick-a$$ fries ever invented). You look back at the prices on the menu just long enough to realize that they don't charge an arm and a leg for their actual beef because they don't advertise or spend billions on gaudy 'decor.' Once you pry yourself from this scene, you find the next awesomeness...FREE PEANUTS! That's right, take that aluminum bucket off your table and dunk it into the barrels of fresh, Georgia peanuts to munch on while you wait for the guy to actually BRING YOUR FOOD TO YOU! You get the food to find some of the best hamburgers ever to hit planet Earth and that yes, the one small order of fries that looked a tiny bit overpriced is, in fact, enough fries to feed every starving African kid for a month, which is enough for 2 adult men anywhere else. You think it's a dream, but you don't wake up...and then you realize it's cheap enough that you could actually eat there at least once a week without taking a dent to your wallet.
McDonald's can suck my balls.
Edit: Oh, and they have bottles of malt vinegar for the fries.
So anyway, to give you an idea of how much a$$ this burger place kicks all up and down the street, imagine this. For years and years, you've gone to so many different burger places. In any place, you have to walk in the door, trip over 50+ kids, try your best to ignore stupid cartoon ads meant to get any kids you may have to drag you in by the testicles (or ovaries), try not to slide on the nasty floor, give your order to some fat, ugly trailer trash who was so stupid that she couldn't even make it up to a management position at MCWENDYKING, and then wait 5 minutes for a warmed over, previously frozen piece of mostly soy that comes with painfully artificial fries covered in salt and something highly addictive, possibly crack.
Now imagine that this new, awesome place opens up and your dad takes you there. There's a few kids, but mostly not the obnoxious kind who need lypo and good beating. There's no stupid ads or 'decor,' just a plain tile wall with their billions of awards hung all over it. You order from a well-mannered person who works for a guy who actually bought the franchise rights and has to try to make money (oh, and the floor is clean). Now that you've ordered, you see the guy who's supposed to make your food actually rip a big hunk of USDA prime off of a beautiful mountain of beef, roll it into an actual beef patty, and throw it down onto a grill. Then, you look towards the fry bin and see them cutting up actual, whole potatoes and then, with no processing, just tossing the glorious Idaho spuds right into a big vat of peanut oil. Oh, and you know they're Idaho potatoes because there's a sign next to the guy's head that tell you exactly what city in Idaho the potatoes came from (thank God for the people of Idaho, who live in quite possibly the crappiest state of all time just to bring me the most kick-a$$ fries ever invented). You look back at the prices on the menu just long enough to realize that they don't charge an arm and a leg for their actual beef because they don't advertise or spend billions on gaudy 'decor.' Once you pry yourself from this scene, you find the next awesomeness...FREE PEANUTS! That's right, take that aluminum bucket off your table and dunk it into the barrels of fresh, Georgia peanuts to munch on while you wait for the guy to actually BRING YOUR FOOD TO YOU! You get the food to find some of the best hamburgers ever to hit planet Earth and that yes, the one small order of fries that looked a tiny bit overpriced is, in fact, enough fries to feed every starving African kid for a month, which is enough for 2 adult men anywhere else. You think it's a dream, but you don't wake up...and then you realize it's cheap enough that you could actually eat there at least once a week without taking a dent to your wallet.
McDonald's can suck my balls.
Edit: Oh, and they have bottles of malt vinegar for the fries.
