Besides the terrorist bombings: Two more news stories that make me grieve

[emilynghiem]

Reading the stories of those who died in the Brussels bombings
made me want to reach out and share words of support. If I had to
pick one person to write and send a card and donation to, I think
the 21 year old woman who lost her boyfriend/fiance is the one I felt closest to.

Then I read two more stories that make me want to do full time campaigns
to save the world from any more horrible things like this ever happening again.
Not while I'm on the planet, this just cannot be:

1. Story of Canadian mother who lost her father and three young kids to a drunk driving crash
that also smashed the plans of the driver to get married and instead is facing a 10 year sentence:
'We now live with this horror' of 3 dead children, dad tells drunk driver's sentencing hearing

2. And then this I found today, which I would join a campaign to hold the rapists accountable:
Indiana mom files lawsuit claiming she was gang raped by three Cuban soccer stars

The world must be coming to an end, and about to start a new beginning.
Please tell me there are enough people in the world who know right from wong,
and know better than to let these horrible situations continue. Unbelievable and I pray for everyone affected.

 

[emilynghiem]

While staying focused on the sad or mad reality of these situations, I'm going to try to find and post responses that are at least uplifting in their courage and commitment to call for greater social and ethical responsibility:

An Open Letter to the Drunk Driver That Hit My Husband | Stop, Drop & Blog

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"An Open Letter to the Drunk Driver That Hit My Husband


Dear Drunk Driver who Hit the Vehicle my Husband Was Riding in Late Saturday Night/Early Sunday Morning;

I won’t pretend to know what you were thinking when you slammed into the back of that Suburban and then careened into the truck my husband was riding in at the time. I don’t think I can wrap my head around the decision to get behind the wheel of a vehicle while drunk, drinking or even only “just had a few.” There is no excuse: You were in the wrong.

Now that we all understand that you were in the wrong, I feel the need to tell you a few things about one of the men you endangered with your bad decision.

He is, hands down, the most amazing man I have ever met. He is a devoted husband, a hands-on daddy, this house’s primary dish washer, a loving son, a helpful grandson, a loyal friend, a faithful believer, and a dedicated firefighter. I suppose if you’re going to get all willy-nilly drunk and slam into two cars that are stopped, hitting a bunch of firefighters was a good choice on your part, though I suspect that you had little to do with that aspect of the decision. But back to my husband…

He seems quiet at first, and honestly, he’s not as loud as me. He is the loud to my quiet, the relaxed to my high strung. He balances me. We’re one of those weird couples that simply matches. We are, if you’ll allow me a Sleepless in Seattle moment, MFEO. Fake gag at our sappy love all you want, everyone else does. But we’ve got a good thing going over here. And that quiet I mentioned? It disappears as you get to know him. While he’ll never be as loud as me, he is quick with a joke. The twinkle in his eye lets you know that even when he’s quiet, he’s laughing on the inside. He makes me feel like I’m the smartest, funniest, most talented, most beautiful woman on the planet. I would be lost without him.

Our two sons love him to the moon and back. About eighty bagillion times. There is no one as amazing as their daddy. I mean, what little boy doesn’t want a firefighter for a dad? He is a super hero in their eyes. He plays rough, but cuddles close. He can swing a light saber with the best of them, and has taught our boys how to cast while fishing. He’s patient when teaching them how to play baseball, how to kick a soccer ball. He does things with and teaches the boys things that I either can’t do or he just simply does better. Like vacuuming. He makes my sons feel loved, valued and important. They would be lost without him.

There are other people, removed from the obvious people like his mom and dad and sister and grandparents, who would be heartbroken without my husband. My daughter. My parents, brother and grandparents, all of whom seem to like him more than they like me. The Fake Husband. Countless others around this city whom he has touched, whom he has helped, whom he has bestowed his winning smile upon. His fellow firefighters, for whom he would lay his life on the line.

Which brings me to this point: I have learned to live with the fear, the worry, the anxiety that comes hand-in-hand with being a firefighter’s wife. Most days, I don’t think about it. He goes to work, and I busy myself with my work, our children, the home and life as it happens. I have forced myself to ignore the scanner, forced myself not to turn it on when he runs out in the middle of the night. Despite the fact that I can function even when I know he’s on a major fire, the fear always looms, lurks in the back of my head, my heart. It’s dangerous, fighting fires. It is. It makes me angry that you took something that didn’t cause me much fear — driving — and tainted it. I don’t want to live in fear every time that he leaves the house that a drunk driver will ruin everything we have with one bad judgment call.

Do you know what frustrates me most, Mr. Drunk Driver? I know nothing about you. The news media in Columbus doesn’t find a car accident caused by a drunk driver that involved three firefighters and two other civilians (of which, those two were transported to the hospital) to be news-worthy. The Ohio Crash Report doesn’t yet have you uploaded so that I can know your name, so that I can google you and figure out if you were set to lose as much as we were that night. So I can know who my enemy is. So I can say a prayer for that enemy, that maybe, God willing, the next time you get behind the wheel of a vehicle, you will think twice about those “just a few beers” that you have had. So that maybe you won’t put that car in drive. So that maybe you’ll think about families and fathers and mothers and children and sons and daughters and friends and co-workers and random acquaintances that would be devastated by the loss of one of their own. The good news is that, once the weekend backlog is officially entered, I’ll know who to pray for — whose name to pray never crosses our paths again.

Maybe you’re a great guy, Mr. Drunk Driver. Maybe you made one bad choice in the middle of a lifetime of great choices. Maybe you feel such remorse that it will never, ever happen again. I hope so. I hope no wife has to listen to her husband recount the moments that could have ended it all. I hope no wife has to experience worse than that — the unthinkable, the unmentionable.

I am thankful that my husband is okay. I am still praying that those in the Suburban that you slammed into first are okay. I spent most of yesterday thanking God and simply staring at my husband. The problem with that is that I’m always thankful for my husband. I didn’t need this near tragedy to open my eyes and show me what an amazing man I married. I always knew that; I didn’t need your help.

We love this man.






So, in short: Keep your drunk-driving, bad-choice-making, family-endangering behind off the road and away from my family.

Sincerely,
The Wife of the Most Amazing Man Ever

(PS: I didn’t cuss in this letter, but let it be known: I have thoughtall of the letter words since the accident happened. Just sayin’.)"

 

[emilynghiem]

Should Journalists Report on Sexual Assaults Before Charges Are Filed?

Here's another saddening/maddening story, where the young student's response inspires me with hope this senseless criminal cruelty can be stopped. My heart still breaks when I watch the video of her gently weeping while talking with a news reporter. But Jada touches my heart when I see that strong side of her deciding to take a stand and not be the victim to the escalated bullying that exploited her rape after being drugged, stripped and photographed at a party.

Should Journalists Report on Sexual Assaults Before Charges Are Filed?
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By Amanda Marcotte

Jada strikes a new pose.

Photo via RonanDaily/Twitter

In July, a Houston teenager named Jada went to a party, passed out, and woke up to discover that she may have been sexually assaulted—after she saw photos of the event plastered all over the internet. One photograph, of Jada naked on the floor, spread across social media in the form of a viral joke. Enough people found the photo so hilarious that it inspired memes, the mocking hashtag #jadapose, and even a rap song. But Jada bravely pushed back, going to the media with her story and refusing to accept these attempts to dehumanize her. Jada’s supporters countered with a new hashtag, #IAmJada, dedicated to seeking justice for victims of sexual assault.

Now, two young men have been arrested and charged with sexual assault in Jada’s case: a 19-year-old man, who has been charged as an adult, and a 16-year-old boy, who’s been charged as a juvenile. CBS News reports that the 19-year-old turned himself in after the 16-year-old was arrested.

The arrests are a testament to how national media attention to these crimes can have a positive impact. It's an important reminder in the wake of the Rolling Stone debacle, which has raised fears that rape is just too sensitive and ambiguous to report on unless it’s been adjudicated in the courts. Last week, Joe Scarborough at MSNBC applied that lesson to Bill Cosby, and argued that journalists should refuse to report on rape cases where arrests haven’t been made. "I do know that to have someone come forward 40 years later, with a man who's never been charged, and then for the media to immediately put it out there and for it go viral and then to have it happen over and over again," he complained, pointing his finger for emphasis. "And then to finish reading, every time, 'Bill Cosby has never been charged.'" When Mika Brzezinski asked, angrily, “But do we not report it?”, Scarborough replied, "I don't think we should.”

But Jada's case shows why it's so critical for alleged rape victims to tell their stories in mainstream media spaces. When reported on appropriately and with due diligence, these stories draw attention to all of the reasons why sexual assault is so rarely prosecuted successfully. And in many cases, alleged assailants and their supporters have plenty of power to craft their own narratives. In Jada’s case, they had the power to humiliate her through social media. In Cosby's case, his accusers say that his wealth and fame protected him from the law. Giving alleged victims space to tell their stories is one way to give them some of that power back.

I shudder to think of what could have happened to Jada if she'd been stonewalled, per Scarborough's proposed rules, from telling her side of the story to the media back in July, when the abuse was at its worst. We don't know if the media pressure helped lead to these arrests, but what we do know, from Jada herself, is that the media attention helped her cope personally with the harassment, and keep fighting for justice. On MSNBC, Jada told Ronan Farrow, "From my community, there's very little support still [from] the teenagers,” even after the arrests. But “people outside of my community are very supportive.” Now, Jada says, “I'm just grateful and thankful for everyone who followed and supported me.”

 

[emilynghiem]

Third American Victim Killed in Brussels Attacks Identified as Texas Mother of Four

A Texas mother of four, who was married to an Air Forces officer, has been identified as the third American killed in the terror attacks in Brussels.
Gail Minglana Martinez, 41, died on March 22 by a blast when she was traveling with her husband, Lt. Col. Kato Martinez, and their four children, NBC News reports.
The Corpus Christi native's congressman released a statement of condolence to her family, who all still remain in hospital due to their injuries.
"My heartfelt condolences and prayers go out to the family of Mrs. Martinez, whose life was tragically cut short by the ISIS terror attack in Brussels," Rep. Blake Farenthold, R-Texas, said in the statement. There were no further details given about the condition of her husband and four children. Farenthold added: "I ask that everyone offer their prayers and support to the Martinez family as they work through the pain and suffering that this horrific event has caused, and respect their privacy at this time." The State Department have confirmed that four Americans died in the Brussels attacks, with one remaining victim still unidentified. Belgium's Minister of Health Maggie De Blockannounced Monday morning that the death toll from last Tuesday's terror attacks in Brussels had risen to 35 after four people died in the hospital.
"Four patients deceased in hospital. Medical teams did all possible. Total victims: 35. Courage to all the families," De Block tweeted Monday morning. Married American couple Justin and Stephanie Shutls, who lived in Brussels, were confirmed dead on Saturday.