Bad puns, anyone?

[bluzman61]

To lighten up the mood, I thought I'd unleash my own original bad puns upon you. I actually LOVE all puns, good OR bad. And sometimes the bad ones are SO bad, they're good! So, I give you fair warning that THIS pun and others to follow MAY cause indigestion, a slight heart murmur or a small clump of hair to fall out. Hair oui go - I once knew this guy that always made a big to-do when clearing his throat or his nasal passages. He was quite PHLEGMBOYANT......

 

[bluzman61]

Hair's another pun for y'all - A nurse I know is often praised for her skills as a phlebotomist. Some even call her an artist, because she's SO good at DRAWING blood.....

 

[miketx]

What's the difference in a hematologist and a urologist? Well, one pricks your finger...

 

[bluzman61]

Just Juan more pun, then I'll leave y'all alone. I promise! I knew this nerdy kid in school who always seemed to be having his glasses fall off and causing a disturbance. Yep, the poor kid was always making a SPECTACLE(S) of himself..... So please feel free to add any of YOUR favorite puns, good OR bad to this thread. Thank ewe verily mulch, and have a wonderlust evening.

 

[bluzman61]

What's the difference in a hematologist and a urologist? Well, one pricks your finger...

Thanks. He-he!

 

[Auld Phart]

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together

 

[bluzman61]

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together

Thanks, Will. You DO have a WAY with words. This isn't all that surprising, because where's there's a Will, there's a way......

 

[gipper]

 

[bluzman61]

News Flash - Sam Sunnyside just took the lead over Oliver Overeasy in the race for mayor of Albumen, Iowa. Yes, Sunnyside's up! I knew you'd be just EGGSTATIC over this news.....

 

[bluzman61]

This is NOT a pun. Thank you.

 

[Hellbilly]

 

[bluzman61]

View attachment 323468

He-he, good one! It sounds like your wife can be a bit FLIGHTY.....

 

[Shawnee_b]

I got some shoes from my drug dealer recently, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day..

 

[Shawnee_b]

What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine

 

[Shawnee_b]

I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body

 

[Shawnee_b]

So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means?? It’s not the end of the world!

 

[Shawnee_b]

I had a crazy dream last night. I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea..

 

[Marion Morrison]

OldLady

 

[bluzman61]

I had a crazy dream last night. I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea..

Thanks for your series of puns, Shawnee. Nice!

 

[bluzman61]

Roy Rogers was having a bad day filming a scene in the desert one day. It seems he made a mistake by leaving his nice new blue suede footwear just outside the door of the dressing room trailer. He always wore cowboy boots when shooting TV or movie scenes. He would often wear new footwear to the film set and change into his cowboy boots when getting dressed for the shoot. Well, on this day a cougar in the wild spotted his new footwear and went to town on one of the pieces, biting and scratching it. One of the set workers caught the cougar and brought it and Mr. Rogers' footwear to him to show him what had been done and who the culprit was. Upon meeting up with him, the worker asked Mr. Rogers, "Pardon me Roy, is this the cat that chewed your new shoe?"