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- #81
I really think love is an illusion. I'll take infatuation....
Nah- it's not an illusion, it's just not what we think it is. It's the will to love, not a feeling. It takes great dedication and sacrifice, and is the greatest thing a human can aspire to.
Not so much dedication and sacrifice as much as liking the other person and being willing to adhere to 3 rules of relationships.
Rule 1. One plus one equals three. Sounds like bad math, I know, but it's true. One is me, and I'm totally self sufficient, capable of doing things on my own and by myself. She is the other one, and she's gotta be self sufficient as well. Together we form a third thing which is the relationship between her and myself, which is where one plus one equals three.
Rule 2. A relationship is NOT a 50/50 proposition. A 50/50 proposition is a business deal, equal measure for equal value, which is what you do at the store. A relationship is actually two people combining together to form 100 percent each day. For example.......if I'm living the 50/50 rule and I bring home the bacon and she cooks and cares for the kids, what happens when she gets sick? Do I withhold back money or other things because I have to take care of the kids while she's sick? No. I must accept the fact that there are going to be days where I'm only capable of 10 percent. She's gotta be willing and able to kick in the other 90. Other times, she's the one coming up short, so I have to be willing to kick in the extra to make it whole, each and every day. And it doesn't matter who gives more or less, it just matters that it makes 100 percent each day.
Rule 3. A relationship can survive on 51 percent love and 49 percent lust. If the ratio ever hits 50/50, there's trouble brewing. If it hits 51 percent (or more) lust and 49 percent (or lower) love, that is when the relationship is doomed to fail.
If you want to know the difference between the 2, just ask yourself one question, and answer it HONESTLY.............Do I truly enjoy the person, or, do I enjoy myself through the instrumentality OF that person? If I enjoy the person, then I'm there no matter what happens, but, if I enjoy myself through the instrumentality of that person, that means I'm only there for what they can give me. If it's through the instrumentality of how they look, what happens when she gets older and loses her looks? If it's through the instrumentality of their money, what happens when they go broke? If it's through the instrumentality of their position in the community, what happens when they lose it? In all three cases, I'm only there for what they provide, and when it's gone, so am I. That's lust.
But lust has it's uses, because if there was nothing to attract you to the person, you wouldn't have started to talk to them and work on forming a relationship. There has to be something there to attract you in the first place. Most good relationships that I've seen or been in have been around the 60/40 or 70/30 ratios. Ya gotta have something there that attracts you.
But then again, maybe I'm wrong, but I really don't think so.
Yeah--what you said.....