Would You Marry Again?

[AquaAthena]

I really think love is an illusion. I'll take infatuation....

Nah- it's not an illusion, it's just not what we think it is. It's the will to love, not a feeling. It takes great dedication and sacrifice, and is the greatest thing a human can aspire to.

Not so much dedication and sacrifice as much as liking the other person and being willing to adhere to 3 rules of relationships.

Rule 1. One plus one equals three. Sounds like bad math, I know, but it's true. One is me, and I'm totally self sufficient, capable of doing things on my own and by myself. She is the other one, and she's gotta be self sufficient as well. Together we form a third thing which is the relationship between her and myself, which is where one plus one equals three.

Rule 2. A relationship is NOT a 50/50 proposition. A 50/50 proposition is a business deal, equal measure for equal value, which is what you do at the store. A relationship is actually two people combining together to form 100 percent each day. For example.......if I'm living the 50/50 rule and I bring home the bacon and she cooks and cares for the kids, what happens when she gets sick? Do I withhold back money or other things because I have to take care of the kids while she's sick? No. I must accept the fact that there are going to be days where I'm only capable of 10 percent. She's gotta be willing and able to kick in the other 90. Other times, she's the one coming up short, so I have to be willing to kick in the extra to make it whole, each and every day. And it doesn't matter who gives more or less, it just matters that it makes 100 percent each day.

Rule 3. A relationship can survive on 51 percent love and 49 percent lust. If the ratio ever hits 50/50, there's trouble brewing. If it hits 51 percent (or more) lust and 49 percent (or lower) love, that is when the relationship is doomed to fail.

If you want to know the difference between the 2, just ask yourself one question, and answer it HONESTLY.............Do I truly enjoy the person, or, do I enjoy myself through the instrumentality OF that person? If I enjoy the person, then I'm there no matter what happens, but, if I enjoy myself through the instrumentality of that person, that means I'm only there for what they can give me. If it's through the instrumentality of how they look, what happens when she gets older and loses her looks? If it's through the instrumentality of their money, what happens when they go broke? If it's through the instrumentality of their position in the community, what happens when they lose it? In all three cases, I'm only there for what they provide, and when it's gone, so am I. That's lust.

But lust has it's uses, because if there was nothing to attract you to the person, you wouldn't have started to talk to them and work on forming a relationship. There has to be something there to attract you in the first place. Most good relationships that I've seen or been in have been around the 60/40 or 70/30 ratios. Ya gotta have something there that attracts you.

But then again, maybe I'm wrong, but I really don't think so.

Yeah--what you said.....

 

[AquaAthena]

I was widowed from the love of my life 13 years ago. I doubt if I'll remarry, but then again I need to finish raising my children.

I've become rather set in my ways.

Sounds like you are one of the group here that cherishes their single way...lol. Good luck with the kiddos...you sound like a fine man. [want to get married?]

 

[Samson]

Nah- it's not an illusion, it's just not what we think it is. It's the will to love, not a feeling. It takes great dedication and sacrifice, and is the greatest thing a human can aspire to.

Not so much dedication and sacrifice as much as liking the other person and being willing to adhere to 3 rules of relationships.

Rule 1. One plus one equals three. Sounds like bad math, I know, but it's true. One is me, and I'm totally self sufficient, capable of doing things on my own and by myself. She is the other one, and she's gotta be self sufficient as well. Together we form a third thing which is the relationship between her and myself, which is where one plus one equals three.

Rule 2. A relationship is NOT a 50/50 proposition. A 50/50 proposition is a business deal, equal measure for equal value, which is what you do at the store. A relationship is actually two people combining together to form 100 percent each day. For example.......if I'm living the 50/50 rule and I bring home the bacon and she cooks and cares for the kids, what happens when she gets sick? Do I withhold back money or other things because I have to take care of the kids while she's sick? No. I must accept the fact that there are going to be days where I'm only capable of 10 percent. She's gotta be willing and able to kick in the other 90. Other times, she's the one coming up short, so I have to be willing to kick in the extra to make it whole, each and every day. And it doesn't matter who gives more or less, it just matters that it makes 100 percent each day.

Rule 3. A relationship can survive on 51 percent love and 49 percent lust. If the ratio ever hits 50/50, there's trouble brewing. If it hits 51 percent (or more) lust and 49 percent (or lower) love, that is when the relationship is doomed to fail.

If you want to know the difference between the 2, just ask yourself one question, and answer it HONESTLY.............Do I truly enjoy the person, or, do I enjoy myself through the instrumentality OF that person? If I enjoy the person, then I'm there no matter what happens, but, if I enjoy myself through the instrumentality of that person, that means I'm only there for what they can give me. If it's through the instrumentality of how they look, what happens when she gets older and loses her looks? If it's through the instrumentality of their money, what happens when they go broke? If it's through the instrumentality of their position in the community, what happens when they lose it? In all three cases, I'm only there for what they provide, and when it's gone, so am I. That's lust.

But lust has it's uses, because if there was nothing to attract you to the person, you wouldn't have started to talk to them and work on forming a relationship. There has to be something there to attract you in the first place. Most good relationships that I've seen or been in have been around the 60/40 or 70/30 ratios. Ya gotta have something there that attracts you.

But then again, maybe I'm wrong, but I really don't think so.

Yeah--what you said.....

Summary: Grin and Bear It.

 

[007]

Been married twice. Been single for 24 years. I'd probably get married again, but the chances of the kind of woman she'd have to be coming along are probably slim to nil. Not really a problem. I have a couple part time girl friends and I cherish my privacy and space. I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and at the end of the day, there's nobody in my house to give me any lip. Been lovin' the shit otta that for quite a few years.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Should something happen that would end your marriage, do you think you would want to marry again? For me, that kind of familiarity does breed contempt as the saying goes...lol. So "not again."

Time heals most wounds, AA. I did not think I would marry after the death of my first wife, yet I did, to a wonderful woman who has been my mainstay for almost two decades. Should she pass before me, I do not think I would marry again, but my history informs me that may not be true.

 

[AquaAthena]

Been married twice. Been single for 24 years. I'd probably get married again, but the chances of the kind of woman she'd have to be coming along are probably slim to nil. Not really a problem. I have a couple part time girl friends and I cherish my privacy and space. I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and at the end of the day, there's nobody in my house to give me any lip. Been lovin' the shit otta that for quite a few years.

Hear! Hear! "What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be."

Aqua*

 

[AquaAthena]

Should something happen that would end your marriage, do you think you would want to marry again? For me, that kind of familiarity does breed contempt as the saying goes...lol. So "not again."

Time heals most wounds, AA. I did not think I would marry after the death of my first wife, yet I did, to a wonderful woman who has been my mainstay for almost two decades. Should she pass before me, I do not think I would marry again, but my history informs me that may not be true.

I am very happy for you Jake. There are just some of us, who place a higher value on living independently, than with another. It is for me, an emotionally stable existence that allows for total freedom. It has become a healthy habit.

 

[masquerade]

Should something happen that would end your marriage, do you think you would want to marry again? For me, that kind of familiarity does breed contempt as the saying goes...lol. So "not again."

Right now I would say ... I don't think so. But one never knows what the future will hold. I married my soulmate and have no intentions on ending our marraige. Nor does he. We are friends and lovers and enjoy spending time together. Honestly, I have yet to meet a man that could come close to taking his place. Now if death ( Heaven forbid ) were a factor, I would probably need a decade to grieve. After that ... if someone entered my life ... I may consider remarrying.

 

[007]

Been married twice. Been single for 24 years. I'd probably get married again, but the chances of the kind of woman she'd have to be coming along are probably slim to nil. Not really a problem. I have a couple part time girl friends and I cherish my privacy and space. I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and at the end of the day, there's nobody in my house to give me any lip. Been lovin' the shit otta that for quite a few years.

Hear! Hear! "What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be."

Aqua*

I guess you could call it "unlonely," ...

I don't even think of it. I'm just used to being alone, and like it that way. Familiarity.

 

[CountofTuscany]

Should something happen that would end your marriage, do you think you would want to marry again? For me, that kind of familiarity does breed contempt as the saying goes...lol. So "not again."

I think I would. My current girlfriend of 4 plus years has no inclination to marry. So, right now it's not in the cards.

 

[Foxfyre]

Should something happen that would end your marriage, do you think you would want to marry again? For me, that kind of familiarity does breed contempt as the saying goes...lol. So "not again."

Right now I would say ... I don't think so. But one never knows what the future will hold. I married my soulmate and have no intentions on ending our marraige. Nor does he. We are friends and lovers and enjoy spending time together. Honestly, I have yet to meet a man that could come close to taking his place. Now if death ( Heaven forbid ) were a factor, I would probably need a decade to grieve. After that ... if someone entered my life ... I may consider remarrying.

Your experience is what Jake and Dave and several of us are experiencing. If you find your absolute soul mate, you feel as free and comfortable as you do with the freedom that comes with being single. You don't feel obligated or 'trapped' in having to accommodate the other. You don't want to do anything else.

Admittedly there are times we are doing activities in different places and we get our own space and for awhile it is good. But then I find I miss having him to bounce thoughts, ideas, impressions off of, etc. And it is so good to see him.

Marriage to a non soul mate? Not something I would covet. But to your soul mate. Nothing beats it.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Been married twice. Been single for 24 years. I'd probably get married again, but the chances of the kind of woman she'd have to be coming along are probably slim to nil. Not really a problem. I have a couple part time girl friends and I cherish my privacy and space. I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and at the end of the day, there's nobody in my house to give me any lip. Been lovin' the shit otta that for quite a few years.

Hear! Hear! "What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be."

Aqua*

I guess you could call it "unlonely," ...

I don't even think of it. I'm just used to being alone, and like it that way. Familiarity.

I think I understand, Pale Rider. A world of difference 'tween 'being lonely' and 'being alone.' Fortune has smiled on us, I guess, because for each of us we are individually "our own best company": we have much quiet in the house as she works on plans and I on my writing. Then it is time for dinner, some wine, and relaxation, whether together or with friends.

 

[masquerade]

Should something happen that would end your marriage, do you think you would want to marry again? For me, that kind of familiarity does breed contempt as the saying goes...lol. So "not again."

Right now I would say ... I don't think so. But one never knows what the future will hold. I married my soulmate and have no intentions on ending our marraige. Nor does he. We are friends and lovers and enjoy spending time together. Honestly, I have yet to meet a man that could come close to taking his place. Now if death ( Heaven forbid ) were a factor, I would probably need a decade to grieve. After that ... if someone entered my life ... I may consider remarrying.

Your experience is what Jake and Dave and several of us are experiencing. If you find your absolute soul mate, you feel as free and comfortable as you do with the freedom that comes with being single. You don't feel obligated or 'trapped' in having to accommodate the other. You don't want to do anything else.

Admittedly there are times we are doing activities in different places and we get our own space and for awhile it is good. But then I find I miss having him to bounce thoughts, ideas, impressions off of, etc. And it is so good to see him.

Marriage to a non soul mate? Not something I would covet. But to your soul mate. Nothing beats it.

Three years ago this past March, I had a procedure called Novasure done. In short, it's the destruction of the uteran wall which in turn means no more monthly cycle and no more pregnancies. I have two heathy children and wasn't planning on getting pregnant again anyway.
I spoke at length with my husband about this. His concern was, if anything should happen to him, he wanted me to be able to remarry and have more children. I appreciated his input and told him that I had never thought about, nor did I have any desire to remarry if something did happen. And I sure as hell wasn't going to have anymore children. I had the procedure done and we've never looked back.

There are those who don't believe me, but shortly after my husband and I started dating, I knew I was going to marry him. I just knew it. Talk about a woman's intuition!

 

[Si modo]

I'd marry again, if in love. I am.

 

[Samson]

I spoke at length with my husband about this. His concern was, if anything should happen to him, he wanted me to be able to remarry and have more children.

You'd think, being dead, he'd have better things to worry about.

 

[Samson]

I'd marry again, if in love. I am.

Don't put the horse before the cart.

 

[Immanuel]

I doubt anyone would put up with me so probably not.

Immie

 

[asterism]

Marriage to a non soul mate? Not something I would covet. But to your soul mate. Nothing beats it.

Heh heh heh! She said "beats it," something all married guys do.

 

[Spoonman]

Should something happen that would end your marriage, do you think you would want to marry again? For me, that kind of familiarity does breed contempt as the saying goes...lol. So "not again."

So does this mean I shouldn't even ask?

 

[Spoonman]

Hear! Hear! "What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be."

Aqua*

I guess you could call it "unlonely," ...

I don't even think of it. I'm just used to being alone, and like it that way. Familiarity.

I think I understand, Pale Rider. A world of difference 'tween 'being lonely' and 'being alone.' Fortune has smiled on us, I guess, because for each of us we are individually "our own best company": we have much quiet in the house as she works on plans and I on my writing. Then it is time for dinner, some wine, and relaxation, whether together or with friends.

Your writing is trash. I've read enough of it here to know.