Women: How do you like it?

[Joz]

I think it all comes down to making the effort to always let the supposedly most important person in your life know how desirable and important they are to you. It's natural for people to get to a certain level of comfort in any realtionship, however many get to a point at which they completely let the relationship die and THEN when their other half is looking in the direction of someone else who does make them feel wanted and desired that's when they finally take notice, and sometimes it's too late. Men in general seem to forget how to let their wives know how sexy they are even after being a mom or are tired because they have a hard week at the office. Women are gulity of this too.

If you stop watering the garden it dies.

You are SO right on this. I live near Miami University-Oxford, Ohio. You can see young men with flowers standing below a girls rooms in tears because she's broken up with him after so much neglect. He goes off with his buddies and there she is.... I hear it time after time.
And yes, women are VERY guilty of the same thing. We all find other things to do, become complacent.

And Avatar, no matter how sexy a woman appears, the only one she truly cares who thinks she's that way is her spouse. She wants to know that he desires her, not just because she's pretty, but because she has worth to him, that she is valued.

 

[Bonnie]

The IT?

See the difference between men and women is that women are always sexy and want men to tell them all the time.

Men can be completely ugly and they don't need women to tell them they are sexy, they know they are even if its not true.

Right okay then tell me why so many married men are having affairs with the girl at the office who strokes the man's ego constantly, because wifey is so tired from working and chasing the kids that she forgets. Truthfully it's men who have the most fragile egos... :cof:

 

[Avatar4321]

Right okay then tell me why so many married men are having affairs with the girl at the office who strokes the man's ego constantly, because wifey is so tired from working and chasing the kids that she forgets. Truthfully it's men who have the most fragile egos... :cof:

They have fragile egos because they "know" they are all that. When reality sets in it destroys them.

 

[Said1]

Right okay then tell me why so many married men are having affairs with the girl at the office who strokes the man's ego constantly, because wifey is so tired from working and chasing the kids that she forgets. Truthfully it's men who have the most fragile egos... :cof:

But how many cheating men go back if given the chance? Bizzare.


We've all known an "office tramp" or two, they have ego "problems" themselves.

 

[Nienna]

The IT?

See the difference between men and women is that women are always sexy and want men to tell them all the time.

Men can be completely ugly and they don't need women to tell them they are sexy, they know they are even if its not true.

This is true, but men always want to be told they are SUCCESSFUL. It's what attracts the opposite sex, that needs to be reinforced in your own gender. Men are initially attracted to women's looks; thus women want to be reassured that they are still attractive, that they still have the power to "hold on" to their men.

Women (many, but not all... it's more complicated for women, of course ) are attracted to successful men. Ask Darin... Girls don't like boys; girls like cars & money. It's kinda a little true. So men need to feel like they aren't losers in the eyes of their women.

 

[Joz]

....Women (many, but not all... it's more complicated for women, of course ) are attracted to successful men. Ask Darin... Girls don't like boys; girls like cars & money. It's kinda a little true. So men need to feel like they aren't losers in the eyes of their women.

I see this quite often. A man's worth is measured by the 'things' he is able to buy. That is so unfair. I won't argue that it's cool to be able to pay bills and have a few baubles, but judging a man on this is like judging a woman because of her face or her figure. That is only a part.
I choose a man for the way he treats me; respectfully, lovingly.

 

[Bonnie]

They have fragile egos because they "know" they are all that. When reality sets in it destroys them.

Oh I see

 

[Bonnie]

But how many cheating men go back if given the chance? Bizzare.
We've all known an "office tramp" or two, they have ego "problems" themselves.

The real question here is why would the wife want them back after that?? I know some want to keep family intact, I get that, and to forgive devine also true....

But your point is well taken, they go back because it's their safe harbor, because all they wanted was an ego boost, and paid a hefty price for it.

Most deifintely there are women who need to bust up marriages to feel good about themselves.....sick huh??

 

[Joz]

....But your point is well taken, they go back because it's their safe harbor, because all they wanted was an ego boost, and paid a hefty price for it.....

So do you believe, Once a cheater always a cheater?

I do. Unless there is some counselling involved.
We tend to lay blame on the other person rather than to accept responsibility for what we do to contribute to the situation. I believe that is why so many 2nd marriages fail. The same dance is being done only with a different partner. We 'instruct' people how to treat us.

 

[Nienna]

I see this quite often. A man's worth is measured by the 'things' he is able to buy. That is so unfair. I won't argue that it's cool to be able to pay bills and have a few baubles, but judging a man on this is like judging a woman because of her face or her figure. That is only a part.
I choose a man for the way he treats me; respectfully, lovingly.

Of course. Let's hope most people are not so shallow as to judge their partners based SOLELY on looks/success. But, it IS a part of it.

 

[Nienna]

So do you believe, Once a cheater always a cheater?

I do. Unless there is some counselling involved.
We tend to lay blame on the other person rather than to accept responsibility for what we do to contribute to the situation. I believe that is why so many 2nd marriages fail. The same dance is being done only with a different partner. We 'instruct' people how to treat us.

I think you're right, S. People do tend to get stuck in patterns of behavior, no matter what your particular vice might be. It's only wise to think twice about being with a person who has once cheated. However, I do believe change is possible. Especially with the help of Jesus.

 

[-Cp]

So do you believe, Once a cheater always a cheater?

I do. Unless there is some counselling involved.
We tend to lay blame on the other person rather than to accept responsibility for what we do to contribute to the situation. I believe that is why so many 2nd marriages fail. The same dance is being done only with a different partner. We 'instruct' people how to treat us.

What about the woman who cheated on him emotionally - thus openening the door for him to start looking elsewhere?

Howcome the actual act of having sex w/ another woman/man iweighs heavier than the other vows that were broken from the other person?

The whole concept of "cheating" should mean that we've cheated on our spouse with regards to breaking of vows we made while standing at the altar getting married.

It's a bit odd how this culture looks to the outward expression (e.g. sex w/ someone other than your spouse) as "cheating". I'm not here to say that it isn't, to the contrary - however, I think if that's happening then chances are the other spouse was cheating on them first albeit emotionally, physically or in some other form of a broken wedding vow..

 

[Bonnie]

So do you believe, Once a cheater always a cheater?

I do. Unless there is some counselling involved.
We tend to lay blame on the other person rather than to accept responsibility for what we do to contribute to the situation. I believe that is why so many 2nd marriages fail. The same dance is being done only with a different partner. We 'instruct' people how to treat us.

In some cases yes once a cheater always a cheater, because usually there is a flaw within the person that they always need the constant high of new love, and conquest.
For others they failed to either communicate, at all, or didn't decide to leave the marriage first before cultivating a realtionship with someonce else.
I would never generalize because circumstances are different for everyone. Sometimes it is soley the fault of one, sometimes it's both who failed each other.
But in the end we can't help what others do, we can only help what we do. And your right we get the respect we deserve.

 

[Bonnie]

What about the woman who cheated on him emotionally - thus openening the door for him to start looking elsewhere?

Howcome the actual act of having sex w/ another woman/man iweighs heavier than the other vows that were broken from the other person?

The whole concept of "cheating" should mean that we've cheated on our spouse with regards to breaking of vows we made while standing at the altar getting married.

It's a bit odd how this culture looks to the outward expression (e.g. sex w/ someone other than your spouse) as "cheating". I'm not here to say that it isn't, to the contrary - however, I think if that's happening then chances are the other spouse was cheating on them first albeit emotionally, physically or in some other form of a broken wedding vow..

In a nutshell we as a society have no clear boundaries of what "cheating actually means" and we do leave the door wide open with the behavior we conduct ourselves with and with our mates. The meaning of "keep thyself only unto each other" seems to disintegrate after the wedding.

 

[Joz]

.... I'm not here to say that it isn't, to the contrary - however, I think if that's happening then chances are the other spouse was cheating on them first albeit emotionally, physically or in some other form of a broken wedding vow..

I totally agree with you. There are many who have broken their marriage vows that way. And I personally believe that is grounds for divorce. The Bible says that adultery is the only reason to end a marriage. But a person adulterates their marriage when they break those vows.
When Christ said that His church/people committed adultery against Him it couldn't have been the physical but the breaking of the covenant/vow/ connection with Him.

 

[Bonnie]

Of course. Let's hope most people are not so shallow as to judge their partners based SOLELY on looks/success. But, it IS a part of it.

My very best friend D got married to her husband with the intention of eventually having a family. After 10 years of her supporting him financially with her Masters and him floating from one job to the next, she realized he was never going to get his sh-t together..because he didn't want to grow up and have to support and provide for a family. she left him.

Just my opinion, when your a teenager a nice car your boy friend may have is coool, when you grow up and get serious you look for a man that can offer security and stability in your life especially if it is your intention to have a family. I think sometimes that gets lost on men in the translation, and women come across as gold diggers, or shallow. But men are wired to be providers by (God or nature if you like). Men for the most part take great pride in providing for their families., it's what makes them feel sucessful.

 

[-Cp]

I totally agree with you. There are many who have broken their marriage vows that way. And I personally believe that is grounds for divorce. The Bible says that adultery is the only reason to end a marriage. But a person adulterates their marriage when they break those vows.
When Christ said that His church/people committed adultery against Him it couldn't have been the physical but the breaking of the covenant/vow/ connection with Him.

Even tho this thread has been completely derailed....

It does make one wonder why folks even bother saying vows on their wedding day? I mean really... who do you know that has kept them to the "t"?

 

[dilloduck]

I totally agree with you. There are many who have broken their marriage vows that way. And I personally believe that is grounds for divorce. The Bible says that adultery is the only reason to end a marriage. But a person adulterates their marriage when they break those vows.
When Christ said that His church/people committed adultery against Him it couldn't have been the physical but the breaking of the covenant/vow/ connection with Him.

Cheating is based on what the second
spouses' rules are for the first.

 

[dmp]

What about the woman who cheated on him emotionally - thus openening the door for him to start looking elsewhere?

Howcome the actual act of having sex w/ another woman/man iweighs heavier than the other vows that were broken from the other person?

The whole concept of "cheating" should mean that we've cheated on our spouse with regards to breaking of vows we made while standing at the altar getting married.

It's a bit odd how this culture looks to the outward expression (e.g. sex w/ someone other than your spouse) as "cheating". I'm not here to say that it isn't, to the contrary - however, I think if that's happening then chances are the other spouse was cheating on them first albeit emotionally, physically or in some other form of a broken wedding vow..

VERY VERY VERY cool - it's as if you searched for posts i've made and quoted me because that is EXACTLY it.

 

[-Cp]

VERY VERY VERY cool - it's as if you searched for posts i've made and quoted me because that is EXACTLY it.

Nope.. didn't do any searching of anyone's posts...