Where does your self-worth come from?

[Alan Stallion]

The love, attention and adulation from others


There's a danger in this one. With a major setback, this can be severely damaging to your perceived self-worth, and too often can lead to suicide.

From childhood, we naturally desire those things from those we respect and trust. Negative experiences damage and scar us.

Then as we go through adolescence and develop love attractions, unrequited love can damage us, or love that ends badly (affairs, divorce, etc.). I cringe when I hear things like "I can't live without him..." Major red flag.

The tough thing in life, and it's unavoidable, is we always put our self-esteem on the line when we risk rejection, in whatever we seek.

As Lecrae once said, “If you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection."

 

[buttercup]

The love, attention and adulation from others


There's a danger in this one. With a major setback, this can be severely damaging to your perceived self-worth, and too often can lead to suicide.

From childhood, we naturally desire those things from those we respect and trust. Negative experiences damage and scar us.

Then as we go through adolescence and develop love attractions, unrequited love can damage us, or love that ends badly (affairs, divorce, etc.). I cringe when I hear things like "I can't live without him..." Major red flag.

The tough thing in life, and it's unavoidable, is we always put our self-esteem on the line when we risk rejection, in whatever we seek.

As Lecrae once said, “If you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection."

Yes, I agree, 100%. But sadly it is very common, which is why I put it on that list. So many people derive their self-worth from others, which is probably why you have so many people on social media who get obsessed with the "likes" and compliments, and it becomes an unhealthy never-ending quest for love and acceptance.

About that red flag you mentioned, when people say things like "I can't live without him".... I think you're touching on something so important, but it starts getting controversial, because it leads to the topic of God / faith. As a Christian, I'm sure you would agree that we were designed to be in a loving relationship with our Creator, and when people try to fill that 'God-shaped void' inside us with ANYTHING other than God (including even a romantic partner or other people) it's like putting the wrong type of fuel into a car. It just doesn't work. It goes against how we were designed, and it goes against the reality... our value doesn't come from those temporary things that can be lost, it comes from being created and loved by God. Ok, I don't want to write a book here, so I'll leave it at that for now.

 

[luiza]

It's the potential. Everyone has it. Not everyone lives up to it be ( BUT ? ) we all have it.

Brave .
How on earth are you going to convince us that you meet that definition ?
And if 99.9% of all people have that same problem , of what possible use or value is there in that pious piece of clap-trap?

 

[FredVegbarfuss]

My worth includes doing something or things that I am sure I am here for, and doing what I believe what God wants. I speak to things that are not popular to hear even if some are alienated, but these things need to be heard.

 

[Blues Man]

Do you believe you are valuable? If so, what do you believe makes you valuable? I’m not asking what society believes makes you valuable, but what do you personally believe makes you valuable?

I’m going to post a poll, because why not?

(Btw, to the mods, if I posted this in the wrong section, feel free to move it, I wasn't sure if this was the right section)

Define valuable.

Do you mean valuable to others? To Society? To yourself?

 

[Blues Man]

Your honor!

You know right from wrong. But every day you make choices between what is easy...and what is right.

People who stay true to their honor have a VERY HIGH self worth...even though it can be quite costly and painful some times.

Even if that honor is arbitrary?

So would you think a person who kills his daughter because he believed her choices violated his sense of honor that honor was the single most important thing in this man's life has a very high value?

 

[Blues Man]

Is the idea of self worth meaningful if the entire concept of the self is flawed?

 

[buttercup]

Define valuable.

Do you mean valuable to others? To Society? To yourself?

You must have skimmed the OP and missed it, because I specifically said "not what society believes makes you valuable, but what do you personally believe makes you valuable?"

So the question was about self-worth, not human value in general.

 

[buttercup]

Is the idea of self worth meaningful if the entire concept of the self is flawed?

Why do you think it's flawed? As always, you make things much more difficult than they have to be. You remind me of my dad (who was a hardcore atheist, but didn't die an atheist) when I had conversations like this with him. Discussing anything religious or philosophical with him was absolutely maddening, for numerous reasons, but I digress.

 

[Blues Man]

Why do you think it's flawed? As always, you make things much more difficult than they have to be. You remind me of my dad (who was a hardcore atheist, but didn't die an atheist) when I had conversations like this with him. Discussing anything religious or philosophical with him was absolutely maddening, for numerous reasons, but I digress.

The idea of self is an illusion so the idea of self worth is also an illusion. Several different philosophies teach that there is no self.





And I'm not an atheist as I have explained many times in these threads.

 

[buttercup]

The idea of self is an illusion so the idea of self worth is also an illusion. Several different philosophies teach that there is no self.



And I'm not an atheist as I have explained many times in these threads.

I know you're not. (I was going to add that to my post, but I figure by now you know that I know you're not an atheist.) You still remind me of my dad, that was my point.

As for what you said, I don't even know what to do with that. I mean, frankly that reminds me of the phenomenon of those who pride themselves on their intellect over-thinking everything to the point of true insanity.

Romans 1:22 comes to mind.

But anyway, what you're talking about is an entirely different topic, and it could worthy of a thread of its own, if it's something you really believe and want to discuss.

 

[Blues Man]

I know you're not. (I was going to add that to my post, but I figure by now you know that I know you're not an atheist.) You still remind me of my dad, that was my point.

As for what you said, I don't even know what to do with that. I mean, frankly that reminds me of the phenomenon of those who pride themselves on their intellect over-thinking everything to the point of true insanity.

Romans 1:22 comes to mind.

But anyway, what you're talking about is an entirely different topic, and it could worthy of a thread of its own, if it's something you really believe and want to discuss.

But it's just the opposite.

When you stop thinking and trying to categorize every little thing that floats across your mind that is when it can be realized that there is no self separate from the universe.

It's like saying a wave is separate from the water of the ocean but that would be impossible.

It is the unlearning of everything you have been taught and you have been taught what your self is by others. You did not make up your own idea of you.

 

[buttercup]

But it's just the opposite.

When you stop thinking and trying to categorize every little thing that floats across your mind that is when it can be realized that there is no self separate from the universe.

It's like saying a wave is separate from the water of the ocean but that would be impossible.

It is the unlearning of everything you have been taught and you have been taught what your self is by others. You did not make up your own idea of you.

So you don't believe you exist?

 

[buttercup]

It is the unlearning of everything you have been taught and you have been taught what your self is by others. You did not make up your own idea of you.

Since you brought that up.... I actually have unlearned most of what I was taught all my life. In fact, the older and wiser I get, the more I'm realizing that just about everything we're taught in this world is a lie.

But unlike some of the philosophies you seem to be into, I believe in truth, and the things I've been learning (after unlearning so many lies) have been beneficial and have added so much value to my life, and have changed me for the better. But now we're getting really off topic. And I actually gotta get going now, so I'll try to get back to this thread later.

 

[Anathema]

Human beings have no inherent value. Young children have value due to their innocence. The rest of us can gain value by living proper and decent lives. Very few of us are able to do that throughout an entire lifetime, so most of us die with no value.

 

[buttercup]

Human beings have no inherent value. Young children have value due to their innocence. The rest of us can gain value by living proper and decent lives. Very few of us are able to do that throughout an entire lifetime, so most of us die with no value.

Thanks for your reply. But to be clear, I wasn't asking about human value in general, or what society considers valuable. I was asking what you personally believe makes you valuable.

 

[buttercup]

I haven't read all of his stuff, but from what I have seen, Sam Harris would be a good example of someone who prides themselves on their intellect, over-complicating and over-arguing everything to the point of foolishness. À la Romans 1:22.

 

[Anathema]

I was asking what you personally believe makes you valuable

Nothing. No value whatsoever.

 

[Crepitus]

Brave .
How on earth are you going to convince us that you meet that definition ?
And if 99.9% of all people have that same problem , of what possible use or value is there in that pious piece of clap-trap?

I don't care.

 

[buttercup]

Nothing. No value whatsoever.

That's not true.... but we can agree to disagree.