What would the Dungeons & Dragons Players Handbook look like in the 1950's?

[LoneLaugher]

And....vets don't get upset if you don't thank them or applaud for them. You are a weird dude.

You added one more post to your 39,000 just to say that? Why don't you add something useful to the discussion, otherwise you are a useless person in this thread, as you are in life.

You thought about how stupid your comment was, didn't you? Why not just retract it like a normal person would.

I'm useless in life? That doesn't sound very Christian to me. Would you like to apologize?

 

[Blackrook]

I don't think my comment was stupid, so I'm not going to retract it.

There was a Veteran's Day when we put up the American flag, and a deranged little fellow knocked on the door, showed me his Vietnam service ribbon, and thanked me for putting up the flag. I'm pretty sure we didn't even realize it was Veteran's Day, because at the time we just had our American flag up every day.

But this guy was fishing for something, a compliment maybe, or a thank you for his service. It was obvious to me that he was a strung-out druggie, so maybe his service in Vietnam was the only thing he had accomplished in his life to be proud of.

Anyway, I was working on something, or I was on the phone, so I didn't have the time to give this veteran the pat on his back he so desperately wanted. So I distractedly said, "You're welcome," and shut the door in his face.

I haven't always resented veterans, but this was the day it started. This guy knocked on the door and wanted me to thank him for serving in a war that had nothing to do with me, and which we lost, causing the loss of millions of Vietnamese and Cambodian lives. While I supported the war while it was happening, I realize now it is only out of spite for the unwashed Communist hippies that opposed it. Like Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam was a stupid, stupid war, and our government did not allow our country to win it. The Communists played us like fools in that war, and I resent our stupid government for allowing our country to be played like fools. I feel bad for the guys who had to go fight that stupid war, but if one of them knocks on my door demanding gratitude, I'm not inclined to entertain that demand.

 

[Blackrook]

Also, I may be a Christian, but I never said I was a GOOD Christian. Maybe when I'm older and closer to death, I will clean up my act. I walk a dangerous line I realize, because unlike Jeremiah, I don't believe I'm automatically saved just because I'm a Christian. At all times in my life, except in the five minutes or so after confession, I'm in a state of mortal sin. That's dangerous, because if I die I will go to hell, but sometimes I resign myself that maybe God will just have mercy and throw me in purgatory for a million years instead. One can always hope.

 

[LoneLaugher]

I don't think my comment was stupid, so I'm not going to retract it.

There was a Veteran's Day when we put up the American flag, and a deranged little fellow knocked on the door, showed me his Vietnam service ribbon, and thanked me for putting up the flag. I'm pretty sure we didn't even realize it was Veteran's Day, because at the time we just had our American flag up every day.

But this guy was fishing for something, a compliment maybe, or a thank you for his service. It was obvious to me that he was a strung-out druggie, so maybe his service in Vietnam was the only thing he had accomplished in his life to be proud of.

Anyway, I was working on something, or I was on the phone, so I didn't have the time to give this veteran the pat on his back he so desperately wanted. So I distractedly said, "You're welcome," and shut the door in his face.

I haven't always resented veterans, but this was the day it started. This guy knocked on the door and wanted me to thank him for serving in a war that had nothing to do with me, and which we lost, causing the loss of millions of Vietnamese and Cambodian lives. While I supported the war while it was happening, I realize now it is only out of spite for the unwashed Communist hippies that opposed it. Like Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam was a stupid, stupid war, and our government did not allow our country to win it. The Communists played us like fools in that war, and I resent our stupid government for allowing our country to be played like fools. I feel bad for the guys who had to go fight that stupid war, but if one of them knocks on my door demanding gratitude, I'm not inclined to entertain that demand.

Did this man get upset at you?

 

[mdk]

Cripple Fight!

 

[LoneLaugher]

Also, I may be a Christian, but I never said I was a GOOD Christian. Maybe when I'm older and closer to death, I will clean up my act. I walk a dangerous line I realize, because unlike Jeremiah, I don't believe I'm automatically saved just because I'm a Christian. At all times in my life, except in the five minutes or so after confession, I'm in a state of mortal sin. That's dangerous, because if I die I will go to hell, but sometimes I resign myself that maybe God will just have mercy and throw me in purgatory for a million years instead. One can always hope.

That wasn't much of an apology, Christian.

You may as well be taking a cock up the bum then. Instead of spending all of your time trying to judge and harass those who do. Loser.

 

[Blackrook]

I don't think my comment was stupid, so I'm not going to retract it.

There was a Veteran's Day when we put up the American flag, and a deranged little fellow knocked on the door, showed me his Vietnam service ribbon, and thanked me for putting up the flag. I'm pretty sure we didn't even realize it was Veteran's Day, because at the time we just had our American flag up every day.

But this guy was fishing for something, a compliment maybe, or a thank you for his service. It was obvious to me that he was a strung-out druggie, so maybe his service in Vietnam was the only thing he had accomplished in his life to be proud of.

Anyway, I was working on something, or I was on the phone, so I didn't have the time to give this veteran the pat on his back he so desperately wanted. So I distractedly said, "You're welcome," and shut the door in his face.

I haven't always resented veterans, but this was the day it started. This guy knocked on the door and wanted me to thank him for serving in a war that had nothing to do with me, and which we lost, causing the loss of millions of Vietnamese and Cambodian lives. While I supported the war while it was happening, I realize now it is only out of spite for the unwashed Communist hippies that opposed it. Like Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam was a stupid, stupid war, and our government did not allow our country to win it. The Communists played us like fools in that war, and I resent our stupid government for allowing our country to be played like fools. I feel bad for the guys who had to go fight that stupid war, but if one of them knocks on my door demanding gratitude, I'm not inclined to entertain that demand.

Did this man get upset at you?

No, he did not. At least I don't think so. After I closed the door in his face, I never saw him again, even though he lived in my neighborhood.

Nowadays, I don't fly an American flag at my home. I don't even own an American flag. I don't know why, but the American flag no longer has the same effect on me that it once did. When Ronald Reagan got elected, and they played the National Anthem, and showed the American flag on TV, Reagan cried tears of joy, and I cried with him.

But those days are over for me. I have grown much more cynical as I got older. Everything I once believed in was dashed in 2008, when I lost my business, my home, and almost my marriage in the market crash caused by the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Up until that point, I believed that the people who run the country basically were competent and knew what they were doing. When I found out they were forcing banks to make bad loans to people with bad credit, then bundling the mortgages to sell to investors on Wall Street, I lost all faith in the system, and the insiders who run it.

I don't believe the insiders are all working on a vast conspiracy to screw the American people. I just think they're incompetent, and don't know what the hell they are doing, as proven by the fact that the economy hasn't really recovered that much since the crash eight years ago.

 

[Blackrook]

Also, I may be a Christian, but I never said I was a GOOD Christian. Maybe when I'm older and closer to death, I will clean up my act. I walk a dangerous line I realize, because unlike Jeremiah, I don't believe I'm automatically saved just because I'm a Christian. At all times in my life, except in the five minutes or so after confession, I'm in a state of mortal sin. That's dangerous, because if I die I will go to hell, but sometimes I resign myself that maybe God will just have mercy and throw me in purgatory for a million years instead. One can always hope.

That wasn't much of an apology, Christian.

You may as well be taking a cock up the bum then. Instead of spending all of your time trying to judge and harass those who do. Loser.

I don't owe you an apology, and even if I did, I would not give you one. You are one of the most annoying people on this forum, so I don't feel bad at all if I've insulted you. The only reason I haven't put you on ignore is that so far, you haven't crossed the line like those other two guys I put on ignore today.

 

[LoneLaugher]

I don't think my comment was stupid, so I'm not going to retract it.

There was a Veteran's Day when we put up the American flag, and a deranged little fellow knocked on the door, showed me his Vietnam service ribbon, and thanked me for putting up the flag. I'm pretty sure we didn't even realize it was Veteran's Day, because at the time we just had our American flag up every day.

But this guy was fishing for something, a compliment maybe, or a thank you for his service. It was obvious to me that he was a strung-out druggie, so maybe his service in Vietnam was the only thing he had accomplished in his life to be proud of.

Anyway, I was working on something, or I was on the phone, so I didn't have the time to give this veteran the pat on his back he so desperately wanted. So I distractedly said, "You're welcome," and shut the door in his face.

I haven't always resented veterans, but this was the day it started. This guy knocked on the door and wanted me to thank him for serving in a war that had nothing to do with me, and which we lost, causing the loss of millions of Vietnamese and Cambodian lives. While I supported the war while it was happening, I realize now it is only out of spite for the unwashed Communist hippies that opposed it. Like Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam was a stupid, stupid war, and our government did not allow our country to win it. The Communists played us like fools in that war, and I resent our stupid government for allowing our country to be played like fools. I feel bad for the guys who had to go fight that stupid war, but if one of them knocks on my door demanding gratitude, I'm not inclined to entertain that demand.

Did this man get upset at you?

No, he did not. At least I don't think so. After I closed the door in his face, I never saw him again, even though he lived in my neighborhood.

Nowadays, I don't fly an American flag at my home. I don't even own an American flag. I don't know why, but the American flag no longer has the same effect on me that it once did. When Ronald Reagan got elected, and they played the National Anthem, and showed the American flag on TV, Reagan cried tears of joy, and I cried with him.

But those days are over for me. I have grown much more cynical as I got older. Everything I once believed in was dashed in 2008, when I lost my business, my home, and almost my marriage in the market crash caused by the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Up until that point, I believed that the people who run the country basically were competent and knew what they were doing. When I found out they were forcing banks to make bad loans to people with bad credit, then bundling the mortgages to sell to investors on Wall Street, I lost all faith in the system, and the insiders who run it.

I don't believe the insiders are all working on a vast conspiracy to screw the American people. I just think they're incompetent, and don't know what the hell they are doing, as proven by the fact that the economy hasn't really recovered that much since the crash eight years ago.

So...as far as you know, vets do not get upset when we don't thank them and kiss their asses. You just said that because you felt it....right?

That's odd. I launched my business in 2008. Steady growth every year. Maybe you had more trouble than me because you are white?

You thought W was competent until 2008? That's awesome. And...we have recovered. Silly nutter.

You almost lost your marriage? Maybe that's because you don't love your wife as much as you love your son?

 

[LoneLaugher]

Also, I may be a Christian, but I never said I was a GOOD Christian. Maybe when I'm older and closer to death, I will clean up my act. I walk a dangerous line I realize, because unlike Jeremiah, I don't believe I'm automatically saved just because I'm a Christian. At all times in my life, except in the five minutes or so after confession, I'm in a state of mortal sin. That's dangerous, because if I die I will go to hell, but sometimes I resign myself that maybe God will just have mercy and throw me in purgatory for a million years instead. One can always hope.

That wasn't much of an apology, Christian.

You may as well be taking a cock up the bum then. Instead of spending all of your time trying to judge and harass those who do. Loser.

I don't owe you an apology, and even if I did, I would not give you one. You are one of the most annoying people on this forum, so I don't feel bad at all if I've insulted you. The only reason I haven't put you on ignore is that so far, you haven't crossed the line like those other two guys I put on ignore today.

I haven't crossed the line? Lucky me. I'd hate to be put on ignore by an America hating, bigoted, racist, closeted gay man who spends time playing games with children.

That would be horrible.

 

[Blackrook]

I don't think my comment was stupid, so I'm not going to retract it.

There was a Veteran's Day when we put up the American flag, and a deranged little fellow knocked on the door, showed me his Vietnam service ribbon, and thanked me for putting up the flag. I'm pretty sure we didn't even realize it was Veteran's Day, because at the time we just had our American flag up every day.

But this guy was fishing for something, a compliment maybe, or a thank you for his service. It was obvious to me that he was a strung-out druggie, so maybe his service in Vietnam was the only thing he had accomplished in his life to be proud of.

Anyway, I was working on something, or I was on the phone, so I didn't have the time to give this veteran the pat on his back he so desperately wanted. So I distractedly said, "You're welcome," and shut the door in his face.

I haven't always resented veterans, but this was the day it started. This guy knocked on the door and wanted me to thank him for serving in a war that had nothing to do with me, and which we lost, causing the loss of millions of Vietnamese and Cambodian lives. While I supported the war while it was happening, I realize now it is only out of spite for the unwashed Communist hippies that opposed it. Like Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam was a stupid, stupid war, and our government did not allow our country to win it. The Communists played us like fools in that war, and I resent our stupid government for allowing our country to be played like fools. I feel bad for the guys who had to go fight that stupid war, but if one of them knocks on my door demanding gratitude, I'm not inclined to entertain that demand.

Did this man get upset at you?

No, he did not. At least I don't think so. After I closed the door in his face, I never saw him again, even though he lived in my neighborhood.

Nowadays, I don't fly an American flag at my home. I don't even own an American flag. I don't know why, but the American flag no longer has the same effect on me that it once did. When Ronald Reagan got elected, and they played the National Anthem, and showed the American flag on TV, Reagan cried tears of joy, and I cried with him.

But those days are over for me. I have grown much more cynical as I got older. Everything I once believed in was dashed in 2008, when I lost my business, my home, and almost my marriage in the market crash caused by the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Up until that point, I believed that the people who run the country basically were competent and knew what they were doing. When I found out they were forcing banks to make bad loans to people with bad credit, then bundling the mortgages to sell to investors on Wall Street, I lost all faith in the system, and the insiders who run it.

I don't believe the insiders are all working on a vast conspiracy to screw the American people. I just think they're incompetent, and don't know what the hell they are doing, as proven by the fact that the economy hasn't really recovered that much since the crash eight years ago.

So...as far as you know, vets do not get upset when we don't thank them and kiss their asses. You just said that because you felt it....right?

That's odd. I launched my business in 2008. Steady growth every year. Maybe you had more trouble than me because you are white?

You thought W was competent until 2008? That's awesome. And...we have recovered. Silly nutter.

You almost lost your marriage? Maybe that's because you don't love your wife as much as you love your son?

No, I used to love my wife enormously, and felt I was the luckiest man in the world that such a great woman would consent to be my wife. She had stuck with me through very difficult times, when I was sick and unable to work for three years, and we lived with my father, and there were ten of us in the house, and every day was a battle between her and my father's wife.

But the crash of 2008 changed everything. I had promised I could save the house, and when I couldn't, she turned on me, and told me she hadn't loved me, ever, and had only married me because we had a child together.

That one statement killed my love for her, and I never really got it back. Now we are companions living together, but I no longer feel the love we had before will ever return.

I am telling you this, knowing that you will mock me, and scorn me, and insult me, but I don't care. There is really no one I can talk to about this, not even my father, and so I will tell you just to get it off my chest.

I am in pain right now, just thinking about this. Normally, I am a happy person, and lately things have started to improve. I am getting more business now, and more clients, and tomorrow I plan to meet a new client with a big case and things could really turn around.

But this recession has not been easy on me and my family. I am glad that you are having success, not everyone shares your good fortune. Millions of American families are suffering, and my family is one of them. If you have contempt for me because my life is not doing as well as yours, then so be it. I have found that typically liberals really have no compassion for people who are having a hard time financially, which proves they are liars when they say they care about the poor.

So I don't expect you to be anything but a total jerk. In my experience, that is pretty typical for liberals.

 

[Blackrook]

Also, I may be a Christian, but I never said I was a GOOD Christian. Maybe when I'm older and closer to death, I will clean up my act. I walk a dangerous line I realize, because unlike Jeremiah, I don't believe I'm automatically saved just because I'm a Christian. At all times in my life, except in the five minutes or so after confession, I'm in a state of mortal sin. That's dangerous, because if I die I will go to hell, but sometimes I resign myself that maybe God will just have mercy and throw me in purgatory for a million years instead. One can always hope.

That wasn't much of an apology, Christian.

You may as well be taking a cock up the bum then. Instead of spending all of your time trying to judge and harass those who do. Loser.

I don't owe you an apology, and even if I did, I would not give you one. You are one of the most annoying people on this forum, so I don't feel bad at all if I've insulted you. The only reason I haven't put you on ignore is that so far, you haven't crossed the line like those other two guys I put on ignore today.

I haven't crossed the line? Lucky me. I'd hate to be put on ignore by an America hating, bigoted, racist, closeted gay man who spends time playing games with children.

That would be horrible.

Ok, well you were obviously trying to cross the line that time, calling me a closeted gay and implying I am a pedophile. So I will report this post, and put you on ignore. So long, douchebag. Your hate will eat you alive one day, but I won't be around to see it.

 

[Moonglow]

 

[Blackrook]

Anyway, are there any liberals of the non-hateful kind? I know you are out there. I started a discussion about political correctness, and how it used as a weapon by different groups to enforce their own norms of what's acceptable to think and say. And I tried to get the conversation going by revealing my own personal politically incorrect sentiment that many veterans rub me the wrong way, because they want my gratitude and I don't feel grateful.

 

[LoneLaugher]

I dont

I don't think my comment was stupid, so I'm not going to retract it.

There was a Veteran's Day when we put up the American flag, and a deranged little fellow knocked on the door, showed me his Vietnam service ribbon, and thanked me for putting up the flag. I'm pretty sure we didn't even realize it was Veteran's Day, because at the time we just had our American flag up every day.

But this guy was fishing for something, a compliment maybe, or a thank you for his service. It was obvious to me that he was a strung-out druggie, so maybe his service in Vietnam was the only thing he had accomplished in his life to be proud of.

Anyway, I was working on something, or I was on the phone, so I didn't have the time to give this veteran the pat on his back he so desperately wanted. So I distractedly said, "You're welcome," and shut the door in his face.

I haven't always resented veterans, but this was the day it started. This guy knocked on the door and wanted me to thank him for serving in a war that had nothing to do with me, and which we lost, causing the loss of millions of Vietnamese and Cambodian lives. While I supported the war while it was happening, I realize now it is only out of spite for the unwashed Communist hippies that opposed it. Like Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam was a stupid, stupid war, and our government did not allow our country to win it. The Communists played us like fools in that war, and I resent our stupid government for allowing our country to be played like fools. I feel bad for the guys who had to go fight that stupid war, but if one of them knocks on my door demanding gratitude, I'm not inclined to entertain that demand.

Did this man get upset at you?

No, he did not. At least I don't think so. After I closed the door in his face, I never saw him again, even though he lived in my neighborhood.

Nowadays, I don't fly an American flag at my home. I don't even own an American flag. I don't know why, but the American flag no longer has the same effect on me that it once did. When Ronald Reagan got elected, and they played the National Anthem, and showed the American flag on TV, Reagan cried tears of joy, and I cried with him.

But those days are over for me. I have grown much more cynical as I got older. Everything I once believed in was dashed in 2008, when I lost my business, my home, and almost my marriage in the market crash caused by the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Up until that point, I believed that the people who run the country basically were competent and knew what they were doing. When I found out they were forcing banks to make bad loans to people with bad credit, then bundling the mortgages to sell to investors on Wall Street, I lost all faith in the system, and the insiders who run it.

I don't believe the insiders are all working on a vast conspiracy to screw the American people. I just think they're incompetent, and don't know what the hell they are doing, as proven by the fact that the economy hasn't really recovered that much since the crash eight years ago.

So...as far as you know, vets do not get upset when we don't thank them and kiss their asses. You just said that because you felt it....right?

That's odd. I launched my business in 2008. Steady growth every year. Maybe you had more trouble than me because you are white?

You thought W was competent until 2008? That's awesome. And...we have recovered. Silly nutter.

You almost lost your marriage? Maybe that's because you don't love your wife as much as you love your son?

No, I used to love my wife enormously, and felt I was the luckiest man in the world that such a great woman would consent to be my wife. She had stuck with me through very difficult times, when I was sick and unable to work for three years, and we lived with my father, and there were ten of us in the house, and every day was a battle between her and my father's wife.

But the crash of 2008 changed everything. I had promised I could save the house, and when I couldn't, she turned on me, and told me she hadn't loved me, ever, and had only married me because we had a child together.

That one statement killed my love for her, and I never really got it back. Now we are companions living together, but I no longer feel the love we had before will ever return.

I am telling you this, knowing that you will mock me, and scorn me, and insult me, but I don't care. There is really no one I can talk to about this, not even my father, and so I will tell you just to get it off my chest.

I am in pain right now, just thinking about this. Normally, I am a happy person, and lately things have started to improve. I am getting more business now, and more clients, and tomorrow I plan to meet a new client with a big case and things could really turn around.

But this recession has not been easy on me and my family. I am glad that you are having success, not everyone shares your good fortune. Millions of American families are suffering, and my family is one of them. If you have contempt for me because my life is not doing as well as yours, then so be it. I have found that typically liberals really have no compassion for people who are having a hard time financially, which proves they are liars when they say they care about the poor.

So I don't expect you to be anything but a total jerk. In my experience, that is pretty typical for liberals.

I don't have contempt for you due to your struggles. I am wondering, however, how you have time to be so fiercely opposed to gay people.....and devote so much time to complaining about how white people are being screwed.....when you've got so much bad shit going on in your life. Your energies might be better spent elsewhere.

You were pretty fortunate to have a family to fall back on when you were sick.

You could do wonders for your own psyche if you stopped assigning weird attributes to groups of people and tried to refrain from judging others.

I am, admittedly, an asshole to many people here. Mainly...its to people who say crazy things. You know....like how Obama didn't earn his Harvard degree and that he lacks intelligence. What do you expect? Own your shit.

 

[LoneLaugher]

Also, I may be a Christian, but I never said I was a GOOD Christian. Maybe when I'm older and closer to death, I will clean up my act. I walk a dangerous line I realize, because unlike Jeremiah, I don't believe I'm automatically saved just because I'm a Christian. At all times in my life, except in the five minutes or so after confession, I'm in a state of mortal sin. That's dangerous, because if I die I will go to hell, but sometimes I resign myself that maybe God will just have mercy and throw me in purgatory for a million years instead. One can always hope.

That wasn't much of an apology, Christian.

You may as well be taking a cock up the bum then. Instead of spending all of your time trying to judge and harass those who do. Loser.

I don't owe you an apology, and even if I did, I would not give you one. You are one of the most annoying people on this forum, so I don't feel bad at all if I've insulted you. The only reason I haven't put you on ignore is that so far, you haven't crossed the line like those other two guys I put on ignore today.

I haven't crossed the line? Lucky me. I'd hate to be put on ignore by an America hating, bigoted, racist, closeted gay man who spends time playing games with children.

That would be horrible.

Ok, well you were obviously trying to cross the line that time, calling me a closeted gay and implying I am a pedophile. So I will report this post, and put you on ignore. So long, douchebag. Your hate will eat you alive one day, but I won't be around to see it.

Awwwwwww! Really? Come on man.........give me another chance!

 

[aris2chat]

(Please delete dupe thread posted in Humor Section).

I started a thread here:

Message to LGBTQ people -- stop pushing your agenda into my beloved roleplaying games!!!

A quote from the character creation section of the Dungeon & Dragons Next (5th ed.) Players Handbook:

You don't need to be confined to binary notions of sex and gender. The elf god Corellon Larethian is often seen as androgynous or hermaphroditic, for example, and some elves in the multiverse are made in Corellon's image. You could also play a female character who presents herself as a man, a man who feels trapped in a female body, or a bearded female dwarf who hates being mistaken for a male. Likewise, your character's sexual orientation is for you to decide.

This kind of paragraph now appears universally in the character creation sections of role playing games, reflecting a changing society where people pushing the radical LGBTQ agenda have more power to blackball a game publisher than traditionalists who might oppose the LGBTQ agenda.

But let us say we return to a more traditional age, an age of more traditional values, say the 1950's before the dawn of the sexual revolution, before the radicalization caused by the Vietnam War, and when homosexuality was the "love that dares not speak its name."

A simpler time, when men were men, and women were women, and never any confusion between the two (or so it appeared).

And let's say that traditional values groups who cared about keeping men in the office/factory and women in the kitchen pressured Wizards of the Coast to rewrite the character creation chapters of the Players Handbook to reflect traditional gender roles. And that these traditional values people were willing to blackball Wizards of the Coast if it didn't comply, the way the LGBTQ threatens to blackball Wizards of the Coast today if it doesn't put in the mandatory "gender identity" paragraph above.

And let's keep in mind that the 1950's was an era of "pushback" against progress for women. During World War II, women worked in factories to take the place of men who fought in the war, and women started wearing pants. After the war, traditionalists tried to set the clock back, causing such "advice" sections like this to be published in women's magazines:

The Good Wife's Guide (5/13/55 Houskeeping Monthly)

So what would that PHB look like if Wizards of the Coast was forced to rewrite it by traditionalists in the 1950's?

Here's some examples I think would be in there:

CHAPTER 2: RACES

Dwarf

Men are men, and dwarves are dwarves, but male dwarves are even more manly than men! You like to drink, fight, kill monsters, and search for treasure to support your wife and little ones, like any good dwarf male would. You will not do anything a female dwarf might do, like help tidy the dwarf cave, that's female dwarf work! Also, you will not cook, change little dwarf baby diapers, or lift one finger to help your wife in any way with HER WORK, though you will take out the dwarf garbage because that's a dwarf male job that requires you to be strong like a good dwarf male should be.

If you are a female dwarf character, you cannot leave the dwarf cave, because it is your job to stay at home and mind the hearth, you have no business adventuring with the males! Therefore it is not advised to roleplay a female dwarf character, which is why you never see one on a Tolkien adventure.

Elf

An elf is an androgynous creature who giggles like a schoolgirl, sings fruity songs in the forest, and prances about the meadows like a queer. Therefore, roleplaying an elf is not allowed in this game!

Halfling

If you are a male halfling, you are only half a man, but we will let you adventure with us since your kind is so good at sneaking into evil kingdoms and throwing away the ring that would destroy the world. But don't think you're one of the guys! We'll treat you like the woman of the adventuring party and make you cook dinner and clean up the camp, you'll be a good bitch like Samwise Gamgee!

If you are a female halfling, the only character class allowed to you is Housewife! Housewife is not an adventuring class! Stay home and watch the hobbit children, and be ready with slippers, a newspaper, and a pipe full of hobbit-weed when your husband comes home. And have lots of hobbit babies, that's your job!

Human

Male humans are the straight white males of the D&D world. Assume you are in charge in every adventuring party, because that's your privilege. You belong to the youngest race, but you are ambitious, flexible, and willing to try new ideas. In other words, your culture is the D&D equivalent to Western Europe. You are not bound to old, musty traditions like elves and dwarves, who represent ancient civilizations that are now backwards third-world-countries in decline.

Some female humans, like Joan of Arc, think they can cut their hair like a man, dress like a man, wear armor like a man, and fight like a man. They would be wrong! Stay home female humans, you are not wanted on the battlefield!

Gnome

Male gnomes have beards, so we know they are males. In every other way, their high squeaky voices, their excitable personalities, their flighty temper, their inability to admit they are wrong, they are just like females. We allow them on adventuring parties out of respect for the beard, nothing more.

I don't think there even is such a thing as a female gnome. Certainly we have no use for them, because male gnomes tinker with gadgets and clockwork devices, and females certainly don't know how to do that! If there are female gnomes, their silly little heads are filled with loving small furry creatures like squirrels and chipmunks. No need for anyone like that on an adventure! Stay home like a good female gnome should and gather nuts for your friends! And when your husband comes home, give him some nuts, or better yet, let him give his nuts to you!

Half-elf

You are still part-way an elf, which makes you queer, so we don't want you in the adventuring party! Stay home and do whatever you do with your other half-elf friends. We don't want to know about it!

Half-orc

If you are a male half-orc you are quite the manly male, and your orcish heritage makes you tough, mean, and mysogynistic, certainly good qualities for any male. You are certainly welcome with all your manliness!

Female half-orcs, a more difficult question! You are mostly manly, but not all the way. Your gender confusion makes us confused, but maybe we'll just pretend you're a male and allow you in the adventure! Just don't break our balls over the fact that you're really a female and we'll get along just fine!

CHAPTER 3: CLASSES

If you are a female the following classes are prohibited to you: Barbarian, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Fighter, Monk, Paladin, Ranger, Rogue, Sorcerer, Warlock, and Wizard.

Classes that are allowed to females: Housewife, Cleaning Lady, Teacher, Nurse, Librarian, none of these are adventuring classes! Stay home, the adventuring life is not for you! When your adventurer husband comes home, coo to him sweetly and tell him how manly and brave he is, and promise to keep him warm at night with your female-ly goodness! And if you don't want to have sex with your husband, too bad! That's the job you signed up for when you married him! Do your job, you ungrateful wench!

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS AND DOES NOT REFLECT MY PERSONAL VIEWS ON THE ROLE OF WOMEN IN THE HOME AND THE WORKPLACE. I AM JUST TRYING TO MAKE A POINT, WHICH IS THAT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IN THE 1950'S REQUIRED MAGAZINES TO PRINT STUFF LIKE THIS, AND IT WAS WRONG THEN TO FORCE MAGAZINES AND GAME PUBLISHERS TO PRINT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GARBAGE, AND IT'S WRONG NOW.

If you don't like the game, don't play.
D&D equalizes the races and sexes. Any character of pure or mixed race or occupation can participate and bring their own skills for the benefit of the adventure and the group.

Got a problem with feminism, don't play with female characters, or don't play.

In the fantasy world, we can be anything we want to be. We are limited only by our imagination and ability to think our way out of a problem.

Do you have a problem with women running male characters? Why should woman not have an equal part in the games?

Part of the fun and skill is to put yourself into another person and situation and see life from a different perspective....to become someone in a different skin.

It is not "your" game, it can be played by anyone. If you are good, you might even reach a 75th level.

Your christian values object to women and LGBT but you have no problem with the magic, monsters and mixed races?

Shove the hypocrisy. It is a game of fantasy where anything can happen.

 

[aris2chat]

And there are certain things I believe, that I never say on this forum, even anonymously, because they are beyond the barrier our society has imposed on what is acceptable for an American to believe.

I will give one example, and I expect to catch serious heat for it:

I believe that some veterans, even when they are conservatives who bash welfare recipients, constantly have their own hand out for their own kind of welfare, which they believe they have earned through their service, but which still comes out of the pocket of the taxpayer.

Veterans get free healthcare for life, free college education, 0% down home loans, and life-time pensions after 20 years, and all of it is very expensive.

Also, some veterans have a feeling of entitlement that irks me, as if their service makes them "super-citizens" with more right to an opinion about war than those who did not serve. If a non-veteran favors a war, veterans may call him a "chicken-hawk." If a non-veteran opposes a war, veterans may despise him as a coward. I am not saying all veterans are like this, but enough. That is why I rarely start a conversation about any of our many wars, because I don't want veterans piling on me.

The reason I am mentioning this as an example is that it is considered un-American and downright unpatriotic to not kiss veteran/serviceman ass every time they show up in uniform. When they show up in uniform, we are expected to thank them for their service. When we see them in uniforms at the airport, we are expected to applaud. If we don't do this, they get upset that we are ungrateful for the dangers and sacrifices they endured.

I am grateful. But I no longer think that we are fighting all these wars for "freedom" or even to fight terrorism anymore. I think we're fighting these wars because we got into them, and we have no clue how to get out. The people who run our government, through sheer incompetence, continue to send men and women to fight these wars because they have lost any concept that there might be alternatives. And under American supervision, the countries we invaded have cracked down on Christians and driven them out, Islam has become more radicalized and divided against itself, and Afghanistan has become the number one source of heroin in the world. Also, in Afghanistan, our troops are under strict orders to allow Afghan officers to molest little boys and not to interfere.

So what are we fighting for? Christian persecution? Islamic extremism and civil war? The opium trade? Child molesters? We are fighting for all these things, and in the process a lot of American corporations are making a big profit while American boys and girls lose their lives and limbs.

Are veterans to blame for any of this? In a way, they are. They've been there, so they know how fucked up the situation really is, but I don't see enough of them speaking out about it. We now have many thousands of combat veterans and the way I see it, they should all be doing their damndest to stop these fucked up wars any way they can.

What got me really going on this topic is that the Marines tried to recruit my son when he turned 18-years-old. The Marines promised him they would make a man out of him, but in my opinion they would turn him into the kind of man that is no longer my son. My son is a gentle soul, who has never lifted a hand of violence against anyone in his entire life, or spoken a harsh word about anyone. He always finds the good in everyone, and is friends with people that very few other people would give the time of day to. He is my son, and I love him more than any other person in the world, even my wife and daughters. I do not want the Marines to turn him into a killer, and I do not want him to kill. Also, I have devoted 20 years of my life to raising him, and I do not want to hand him over to the government so they can get him killed or maimed in a war that I believe is stupid, and then spit his maimed or dead body back to me so I can pick up the pieces. And also, there is PTSD. It seems that almost everyone who comes back from these wars has PTSD. I do not want my son to suffer like that.

Am I selfish? Am I unpatriotic? Am I un-American? You can call me all of those things. I just want my son to live, and keep his arms and legs, and to be always happy. Him going in the military goes against all these goals, and for what? A stupid medal that I can pin to his picture after he is dead? No, I'm not foolish enough to think that's enough consolation for a stupid death in a stupid war fighting for bad people who don't deserve our help.

So I talked my son out of joining the Marines, and now he has a civilian job doing tech support for a console game company. And if all goes well, he will live a long and healthy, and happy life. And I am content that even if I did the unpatriotic thing, I did the right thing by my son.

Now you may bash me, and wave the flag at me, but I regret nothing.

Women and LGBT can be veterans too. Military is a refection of society, all included

 

[aris2chat]

Also, I may be a Christian, but I never said I was a GOOD Christian. Maybe when I'm older and closer to death, I will clean up my act. I walk a dangerous line I realize, because unlike Jeremiah, I don't believe I'm automatically saved just because I'm a Christian. At all times in my life, except in the five minutes or so after confession, I'm in a state of mortal sin. That's dangerous, because if I die I will go to hell, but sometimes I resign myself that maybe God will just have mercy and throw me in purgatory for a million years instead. One can always hope.

Unless you are without sin, don't throw stones at others

or did you miss that lesson?

 

[aris2chat]

I don't think my comment was stupid, so I'm not going to retract it.

There was a Veteran's Day when we put up the American flag, and a deranged little fellow knocked on the door, showed me his Vietnam service ribbon, and thanked me for putting up the flag. I'm pretty sure we didn't even realize it was Veteran's Day, because at the time we just had our American flag up every day.

But this guy was fishing for something, a compliment maybe, or a thank you for his service. It was obvious to me that he was a strung-out druggie, so maybe his service in Vietnam was the only thing he had accomplished in his life to be proud of.

Anyway, I was working on something, or I was on the phone, so I didn't have the time to give this veteran the pat on his back he so desperately wanted. So I distractedly said, "You're welcome," and shut the door in his face.

I haven't always resented veterans, but this was the day it started. This guy knocked on the door and wanted me to thank him for serving in a war that had nothing to do with me, and which we lost, causing the loss of millions of Vietnamese and Cambodian lives. While I supported the war while it was happening, I realize now it is only out of spite for the unwashed Communist hippies that opposed it. Like Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam was a stupid, stupid war, and our government did not allow our country to win it. The Communists played us like fools in that war, and I resent our stupid government for allowing our country to be played like fools. I feel bad for the guys who had to go fight that stupid war, but if one of them knocks on my door demanding gratitude, I'm not inclined to entertain that demand.

Did this man get upset at you?

No, he did not. At least I don't think so. After I closed the door in his face, I never saw him again, even though he lived in my neighborhood.

Nowadays, I don't fly an American flag at my home. I don't even own an American flag. I don't know why, but the American flag no longer has the same effect on me that it once did. When Ronald Reagan got elected, and they played the National Anthem, and showed the American flag on TV, Reagan cried tears of joy, and I cried with him.

But those days are over for me. I have grown much more cynical as I got older. Everything I once believed in was dashed in 2008, when I lost my business, my home, and almost my marriage in the market crash caused by the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Up until that point, I believed that the people who run the country basically were competent and knew what they were doing. When I found out they were forcing banks to make bad loans to people with bad credit, then bundling the mortgages to sell to investors on Wall Street, I lost all faith in the system, and the insiders who run it.

I don't believe the insiders are all working on a vast conspiracy to screw the American people. I just think they're incompetent, and don't know what the hell they are doing, as proven by the fact that the economy hasn't really recovered that much since the crash eight years ago.

So...as far as you know, vets do not get upset when we don't thank them and kiss their asses. You just said that because you felt it....right?

That's odd. I launched my business in 2008. Steady growth every year. Maybe you had more trouble than me because you are white?

You thought W was competent until 2008? That's awesome. And...we have recovered. Silly nutter.

You almost lost your marriage? Maybe that's because you don't love your wife as much as you love your son?

No, I used to love my wife enormously, and felt I was the luckiest man in the world that such a great woman would consent to be my wife. She had stuck with me through very difficult times, when I was sick and unable to work for three years, and we lived with my father, and there were ten of us in the house, and every day was a battle between her and my father's wife.

But the crash of 2008 changed everything. I had promised I could save the house, and when I couldn't, she turned on me, and told me she hadn't loved me, ever, and had only married me because we had a child together.

That one statement killed my love for her, and I never really got it back. Now we are companions living together, but I no longer feel the love we had before will ever return.

I am telling you this, knowing that you will mock me, and scorn me, and insult me, but I don't care. There is really no one I can talk to about this, not even my father, and so I will tell you just to get it off my chest.

I am in pain right now, just thinking about this. Normally, I am a happy person, and lately things have started to improve. I am getting more business now, and more clients, and tomorrow I plan to meet a new client with a big case and things could really turn around.

But this recession has not been easy on me and my family. I am glad that you are having success, not everyone shares your good fortune. Millions of American families are suffering, and my family is one of them. If you have contempt for me because my life is not doing as well as yours, then so be it. I have found that typically liberals really have no compassion for people who are having a hard time financially, which proves they are liars when they say they care about the poor.

So I don't expect you to be anything but a total jerk. In my experience, that is pretty typical for liberals.

Everyone as a story of their life. Not your place judge others unless you are willing to be judged with the same venom.