What if Jesus Had Been Born in 2015?

[longknife]

I normally hate “what if” stuff as it's usually so “schlocky” (a word I leaned as a kid and have no idea where). But, this is something that definitely needs to be shared from What If Jesus Had Been Born 2,000 Years Later In The American Police State? | Zero Hedge

This is the first supposition:

Rather than traveling to Bethlehem for a census, Jesus’ parents would have been mailed a 28-page American Community Survey, a mandatory government questionnaire documenting their habits, household inhabitants, work schedule, and even how many toilets were in their home, etc. The penalty for not responding to this invasive survey would have resulted in a fine of $5,000.

Depending upon your outlook, this is either hilarious or enough to make you want to cry.

Read and enjoy – or other.

 

[rightwinger]

Obamacare would make sure he wasn't born in a manger





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[The Great Goose]

He'd be killed for speaking out against the Federal Reserve Bank.

 

[Steven_R]

He'd be just another long hair on the street corner proclaiming the end is nigh.

 

[sealybobo]

He'd be killed for speaking out against the Federal Reserve Bank.

Actually the cult leader today would just be ignored and he and his followers would live out in the desert peacefully and his message would have never caught on. The story needs a martyr.

And I'd say us secular huumans have come a long way from the days when our Jewish brothers had people crucified for blasphemy.

 

[Arianrhod]

So he was born in the U.S. but his parents weren't? Anchor baby. We know how RWs feel about anchor babies.

 

[sealybobo]

He'd be just another long hair on the street corner proclaiming the end is nigh.

Jews 2000 years ago would have you crucified if you mocked their religion as Jesus did. Reminds me of Muslims today. Does that mean there's hope for Muslims?

 

[sealybobo]

So he was born in the U.S. but his parents weren't? Anchor baby. We know how RWs feel about anchor babies.

Jesus had to be martyred. No crucifixion no story. Sort of like ghandi

 

[The Great Goose]

He'd be just another long hair on the street corner proclaiming the end is nigh.

Jews 2000 years ago would have you crucified if you mocked their religion as Jesus did. Reminds me of Muslims today. Does that mean there's hope for Muslims?

Semitic antics.

 

[The Great Goose]

He'd be killed for speaking out against the Federal Reserve Bank.

Actually the cult leader today would just be ignored and he and his followers would live out in the desert peacefully and his message would have never caught on. The story needs a martyr.

And I'd say us secular huumans have come a long way from the days when our Jewish brothers had people crucified for blasphemy.

Jesus wasnt content to live peacefully in the desert. He got crucified because he didn't back down. He actively shamed people.

 

[sealybobo]

He'd be killed for speaking out against the Federal Reserve Bank.

Actually the cult leader today would just be ignored and he and his followers would live out in the desert peacefully and his message would have never caught on. The story needs a martyr.

And I'd say us secular huumans have come a long way from the days when our Jewish brothers had people crucified for blasphemy.

Jesus wasnt content to live peacefully in the desert. He got crucified because he didn't back down. He actively shamed people.

Im the atheist Jesus.

 

[sealybobo]

He'd be killed for speaking out against the Federal Reserve Bank.

Actually the cult leader today would just be ignored and he and his followers would live out in the desert peacefully and his message would have never caught on. The story needs a martyr.

And I'd say us secular huumans have come a long way from the days when our Jewish brothers had people crucified for blasphemy.

Jesus wasnt content to live peacefully in the desert. He got crucified because he didn't back down. He actively shamed people.

I could see him at a black lives matter protest or see him blowing up an abortion clinic or walking around wearing his God hates fag shirt

 

[sealybobo]

Yes that's it. Jesus would be put to death today for getting Judas, one of his followers, to blow up an abortion clinic and Jesus wouldn't lie about his responsibil8ty

 

[deltex1]

Yes that's it. Jesus would be put to death today for getting Judas, one of his followers, to blow up an abortion clinic and Jesus wouldn't lie about his responsibil8ty

I could see him striking you mute...in a Devine effort to close all assholes shut......tight.

 

[longknife]

Yes that's it. Jesus would be put to death today for getting Judas, one of his followers, to blow up an abortion clinic and Jesus wouldn't lie about his responsibil8ty

I could see him striking you mute...in a Devine effort to close all assholes shut......tight.

We all know that Jesus would simply say, "Father, forgive them for they know not a single thing they say except when they're on their Leftist/Progressive script."

 

[Steven_R]

"Judge not, lest ye be judged...unless they're gay."

 

[The Great Goose]

"Judge not, lest ye be judged...unless they're gay."

Drudge not!

 

[IsaacNewton]

Jesus would turn over every table in the country. Matthew 21:12

And you want to talk about casting the first stone? Stones would rain down on him and block out the sun by people calling him a bleeding heart liberal for feeding the hungry, for giving water to the thirsty, housing the homeless, clothing the penniless, helping the sick and ill, and visiting those in prison. Matthew 25: 31-46

And Jesus will say to his father, "forgive them father, they know not what they do." And the answer back will be, "no, this time they did know what they were doing. I'm tired of them pretending on this shit."

 

[sealybobo]

Yes that's it. Jesus would be put to death today for getting Judas, one of his followers, to blow up an abortion clinic and Jesus wouldn't lie about his responsibil8ty

I could see him striking you mute...in a Devine effort to close all assholes shut......tight.

He should do that for every boy who goes to Catholic church.

 

[sealybobo]

Yes that's it. Jesus would be put to death today for getting Judas, one of his followers, to blow up an abortion clinic and Jesus wouldn't lie about his responsibil8ty

I could see him striking you mute...in a Devine effort to close all assholes shut......tight.

We all know that Jesus would simply say, "Father, forgive them for they know not a single thing they say except when they're on their Leftist/Progressive script."

Feed the hungry if they got money and cure the sick but only if they have insurance.