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Okay, I've thought about it overnight and considered the changing 'normal' in our American culture. In my lifetime I have seen us go from a norm of only the trashiest and immoral people would live together without benefit of marriage to cohabitation before marriage being the cultural norm by something between 50 and 60%.
In the same length of time, the cultural norm has gone from 'save it for marriage' to be sure you have a condom in your purse or pocket at all times just in case. Sex before marriage no longer tars somebody as a 'playboy' or 'loose woman' and living together is no longer considered a character flaw.
The upside to all that is the vanished 'scarlet letter' and much less negative side of shame.
The downside is a huge increase in STDs, many more unwanted pregnancies and abortions, a huge increase in single parents with resulting increased negative statistics of child poverty and other problems, a huge increase in divorce, higher incidence of domestic violence, and women being 'used' and then discarded by men who will tell them anything just to acquire a warm place to put it for awhile.
I haven't looked them up lately, but I recall reading statistics that living together before marriage actually increases the probability of divorce after marriage, probably because the relation starts off with no clear commitment to each other. Also among both men and women, those who are promiscuous before marriage are less likely to be faithful after marriage and for most people, that one is a biggie when it comes to the qualities that make for good marriages.
And of course there are those who are just as convinced that the opposite of the statistics is the real truth.
I counsel young people to at least commit to a ring and a date before having sex. And the vast majority of those who do that go on to get married and from all indications are enjoying happy marriages that will last.
I actually just looked some of this stuff up and you might be surprised at some of the numbers floating around (although, of course, their accuracy is always a question).
Cohabitation before marriage may depend on where you live. One site had those who live together before marriage in the US and UK being more likely to divorce, but those who do it in France and Germany being less likely. That would seem to indicate more to the issue than just living together.
There was a site which said that 3% of Americans currently save themselves for marriage. The same site (which was based on saving yourself for marriage, if it matters) had people in the 1950s saving themselves at an 11% rate. While a much higher percentage than today, that's still 89% of people in the 50s having premarital sex. That would indicate that, while people may have preached the values of saving yourself for marriage more in the past, they did not practice what they preached all that often.
There doesn't seem to be a lot of research in this vein, or at least not easily accessible research (unless my search parameters have been terrible, always a possibility! ). I'm not sure if there is even a good general rule, especially factoring in different societal norms and pressures. At the very least, I think people from all sides of this can agree that 'be cautious' is probably good advice!
That's very interesting! There are probably about 3-4 generations encompassed in this board, and I like seeing how perceptions and values change over time - and sometimes don't change at all, depending on how one was raised or what decisions they made after they were raised.