Unusual Weather Patterns and Upsurge in Hurricanes Blamed on Republican (AP - WIRE SOURCES) 09-12-04 Terry Moran Staff Writer After accusations by internet bloggers and right wing talk shows that the recent spate of Hurricanes plaguing Caribbean islands and Florida were caused by former President William Jefferson Clinton's breathing patterns during certain sexual acts, the National Weather Service conducted studies to determine if these accusations were true. Initial funding for the project was pushed through by the Republican Congress who has since pulled funding. "We don't understand the results," said a Republican Congressman who asked to remain anonymous, "I'm sure if we continue to repeat the allegations for a few more weeks, the accusations will become fact. It worked in morphing Osama into Saddam, so we don't see why it won't work here." In the study it has been determined that the vast quantities of super-heated air over New York during the Republican Convention caused a sudden shift in atmospheric pressure to the point that .007% of the earth's atmosphere was sucked out of a swirling vortex directly over Madison Square Gardens in New York City. The lost atmosphere is believed to have been transferred to an alternate reality referred to as "Bizarro World." The major atmospheric anomalies are said to have occurred during a speech by Georgian Democrat, Zell Miller and again when Mr. Miller was courting additional press time with MSNBC host Chris Matthews. The announcements of Millers contributions to the anomaly has given hope to many Republicans in that they may now actually blame the unusual hurricane season on the Democrats and are now referring to Zell Miller as a vast Left Wing plot to discredit Republicans. Donald Rumsfeld, in an off air interview states that he has proof that the conspiracy is headed by Hillary Clinton who, in conjunction with the fake bypass surgery her husband recently undertook is all aimed at drawing attention away from the real topics of the race for the Presidency which is the fact that John Kerry was fighting with the VC in 1972 and was responsible for the death of Abraham Lincoln.