This what the liberal media would love to report

Discussion in 'Current Events' started by red states rule, Jun 6, 2006.

  1. red states rule
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    red states rule Senior Member

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    The liberal media has reported so many false and fake stories over the last 5 years. I thought what it would be like if we did not have Fox News, talk radio, and the bloggers to keep them in check
    The following is a parody of what the liberal media would report if they could get away with it, and they would enjoy every moment of it.
    The parody was written by me.


    ****************PROGRESSIVE NEWS NETWORK*******************

    BREAKING NEWS:

    Progressive News Network has uncovered a sinister plot by the Bush administration, Under the direction of Karl Rove, scientists have genetically altered cockroachs and have turned them into man eaters.

    These roaches will be unleashed in areas heavily populated by patriotic progressives, with the intent to kill as many lovable progressives as possile.

    Once the attack is under way, Bush will declare martial law, suspend all elections, revoke the US Constitution, and declare himself President for Life. Bush will, of course blame the peaceful freedom fighters of al Qaeda.

    PNN has also learned Bush has built concentration camps in the desert south west where anyone suspected of dissent will be inprisoned there and called 'enemies of the state'.

    Bush will also shut down all progresive news outlets leaving Fox News as the offical news outlet for America. Tony Snow is to be named Minister of Information. Rush Limbaugh. Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, and Bill O'Reilly will be the official TV anchors

    Pres Bush will divide the US into four sections. Since he will suspend the US Constitution he will appoint Justices Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Chief Justice Roberts will govern those four sections. Justrices Stevens, Kennedy, Souter, Ginsburg, and Breyer will be sent to the concentration camps.

    Once millions of progressives have died, a special pesticide will be applied to kill the roaches. This pesticied is being stoed to Dick Cheneys money vault. Haliburton will apply the pesticide abd will be paid $250 billion

    The staff at PNN will continue to work this breaking story. Reporters contributing to this story are Dan Rather, Michael Moore, Alec Baldwin, Chris Matthews, Keith Oldermann, Al Hunt, and Helen Thomas

    Please pray we can stop this insidious plot. We do not mean pray to God. No, pray to a higher authority. Howard Dean and the DNC.
     
  2. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    And along the same lines...



    Headlines from the year 2029!

    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

    White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

    Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.

    Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

    Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

    85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

    Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

    Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

    Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

    Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
     
  3. Stephanie
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    Stephanie Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    Red State- You've been over on the dark side, at Du? Their already saying half those things you wrote about....:teeth:





    Pale- 2029 was hilarious.:laugh:
     
  4. red states rule
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    red states rule Senior Member

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    I have it from very reliable sources the NY Times is doing an investigation into reports Karl Rove is using cosmic brain waves to keep the Dixie Chicks up at night
     
  5. Stephanie
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    Stephanie Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    :laugh: :cheers2:
     
  6. red states rule
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    red states rule Senior Member

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    It is funny, but I will bet you there are liberals out there who would believe it
     
  7. Stephanie
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    Stephanie Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    That's why I asked you if you had checked out DU? Democraticunderground, when I read your post.
    They already believe about the camps, martial law, Bush suspending elections...
    Heck, they'd probably believe about the roaches, their so out there..:D
     
  8. red states rule
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    red states rule Senior Member

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    Sorry, but I did not pick up what DU stood for.

    Did you here the latest Bush scandal?

    The passengers and crew on the 9-11 planes are actually alive. They are being held prisoner in a underground government prison located at the Crawford ranch

    You know Stephanie, I damn near pity liberals
     
  9. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    They don't want your pity red states. THEY pity YOU! Because you're not as ENLIGHTENED as they are. Us conservatives are just a bunch of back woods, hay seed, redneck morons. Just ask alec baldwin, barbara streisand, susan sarandon, ted *hick* kennedy, etc..
     
  10. red states rule
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    red states rule Senior Member

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    I know what you mean. One of the main requirements to be a liberal is to have a HUGE superiority complex
     
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