Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,123
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
I know all you guys like to talk about guns and motorcycles here. Hell, so do I! But I got to get something off my chest. It's the Zombie Fart. Let me explain.
You know when you are in your car or truck driving to work in the morning? If you are like me, my system prefers a mid-morning dump, which is still like 3 or more hours away when I leave my house in the morning. Somewhere along the way while driving, drinking coffee and listening to the morning news, you have to let one rip. Of course, not all farts are equal. Some are harmless and barely smell. Others can be downright toxic. Then there is the worst one. It's the one that is forced through a a big dump that is warming up in the on-deck circle. Essentially, it smells like a fresh, hot, steaming turd fresh from your inner sanctum. It is disgusting.
You you rip a shit fart on the way to work. To be clear, I am not talking about sharting (i.e., drawing mud while passing gas). This is strictly an air burst. There is no mudslide involved. You just rip a wet, sloppy one that smells fresh off a turd; i.e., the shit fart. Once at the office, you go inside and go about your day. You return a couple emails, flirt with your secretary and your buddy's secretary. You take that mid-morning dump. You go on break for an hour or so to smoke a cigar while perusing the web for luxury watch sales. And so on, and so forth.
When you go out to your car to go to lunch and get in, you smell the fart from earlier. It is still fucking there!!! You think to yourself, "Well, damn, maybe I DID shart." But your stick your hand down the back of your pants and it comes back clean. You smile a little bit to yourself, proud of how potent your gas can be. You then leave to go to Applebee's to meet up with your fat neighbor's MILF wife. You smell the nasty odor all the way there, and all the way back to the office at 3:00 p.m. That's right. That fucking nasty fart has been hanging around in your car for 9 hours!!!! Jesus Christ!!!!
Concerned, once back in your office you lock the door and remove your trousers and boxers. You sniff the seats of both of them. Both smell like they just came out of the dyer. "WTF?!?!?!", you think to yourself. If your undies do not stink, then why does your car still stink?!?!?! Is it in the upholstery???? Shit, if there is no residue in your pants, then how is there residue on your car seat??? It is all quite puzzling. But, whatever. You figure it will be gone by quitting time, and if it is still there you will light up another cigar and smother the foul specter with fine Columbian maduro. Of course, this is merely perfume on a pig.
At the crack of 3:45 p.m. you are hitting the door. You have to go shopping for a present for your best girl to make up for the fact that you forgot last night was Valentines day and you spent the night at the titty bar. As soon as you sit in your car the fucking smell hits you again. It is STILL there!!! It is like a fucking ghost and it is haunting your car!!! You immediately start worrying about resale value. This progresses into worrying about your own health. "Surely a healthy adult cannot produce such a foul and grotesque aroma", you think.
The Zombie Fart is the gross shit fart that hangs around for far too long in your car. I am not ashamed to admit that I have even smelled the seat in my car where I sit my ass to see if the smell was concentrated there. It was not. When you let one of these rectal dragons out of your colon in the morning, it stays around all fucking day long. Hell, I have had them stay around until the next day! It is usually 1 to 1.5 days before this demon is fully exorcised from your car. But you have to be careful and not let any more of those things out because the intensity will grow. The only way to get rid of it is to put down your windows and ride around a bit.
Now, if you are not one of us mid-morning poopers, then this may not make sense to you. Some cleanse early in the morning, before work. Some do it at night. But for us mid-morning regulars I say this: Beware of the Zombie Fart!!
You know when you are in your car or truck driving to work in the morning? If you are like me, my system prefers a mid-morning dump, which is still like 3 or more hours away when I leave my house in the morning. Somewhere along the way while driving, drinking coffee and listening to the morning news, you have to let one rip. Of course, not all farts are equal. Some are harmless and barely smell. Others can be downright toxic. Then there is the worst one. It's the one that is forced through a a big dump that is warming up in the on-deck circle. Essentially, it smells like a fresh, hot, steaming turd fresh from your inner sanctum. It is disgusting.
You you rip a shit fart on the way to work. To be clear, I am not talking about sharting (i.e., drawing mud while passing gas). This is strictly an air burst. There is no mudslide involved. You just rip a wet, sloppy one that smells fresh off a turd; i.e., the shit fart. Once at the office, you go inside and go about your day. You return a couple emails, flirt with your secretary and your buddy's secretary. You take that mid-morning dump. You go on break for an hour or so to smoke a cigar while perusing the web for luxury watch sales. And so on, and so forth.
When you go out to your car to go to lunch and get in, you smell the fart from earlier. It is still fucking there!!! You think to yourself, "Well, damn, maybe I DID shart." But your stick your hand down the back of your pants and it comes back clean. You smile a little bit to yourself, proud of how potent your gas can be. You then leave to go to Applebee's to meet up with your fat neighbor's MILF wife. You smell the nasty odor all the way there, and all the way back to the office at 3:00 p.m. That's right. That fucking nasty fart has been hanging around in your car for 9 hours!!!! Jesus Christ!!!!
Concerned, once back in your office you lock the door and remove your trousers and boxers. You sniff the seats of both of them. Both smell like they just came out of the dyer. "WTF?!?!?!", you think to yourself. If your undies do not stink, then why does your car still stink?!?!?! Is it in the upholstery???? Shit, if there is no residue in your pants, then how is there residue on your car seat??? It is all quite puzzling. But, whatever. You figure it will be gone by quitting time, and if it is still there you will light up another cigar and smother the foul specter with fine Columbian maduro. Of course, this is merely perfume on a pig.
At the crack of 3:45 p.m. you are hitting the door. You have to go shopping for a present for your best girl to make up for the fact that you forgot last night was Valentines day and you spent the night at the titty bar. As soon as you sit in your car the fucking smell hits you again. It is STILL there!!! It is like a fucking ghost and it is haunting your car!!! You immediately start worrying about resale value. This progresses into worrying about your own health. "Surely a healthy adult cannot produce such a foul and grotesque aroma", you think.
The Zombie Fart is the gross shit fart that hangs around for far too long in your car. I am not ashamed to admit that I have even smelled the seat in my car where I sit my ass to see if the smell was concentrated there. It was not. When you let one of these rectal dragons out of your colon in the morning, it stays around all fucking day long. Hell, I have had them stay around until the next day! It is usually 1 to 1.5 days before this demon is fully exorcised from your car. But you have to be careful and not let any more of those things out because the intensity will grow. The only way to get rid of it is to put down your windows and ride around a bit.
Now, if you are not one of us mid-morning poopers, then this may not make sense to you. Some cleanse early in the morning, before work. Some do it at night. But for us mid-morning regulars I say this: Beware of the Zombie Fart!!
