The totally tasteless joke thread

[alan1]

Anyone post any name that guy/girl/dog with no arms and no legs jokes, yet?

Some.

 

[RadiomanATL]

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.
"What was that?" The others asked her.
"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked.
"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."
They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked her.
"It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this fucking sweater!"

 

[alan1]

What do you call a woman with no legs?
Who cares? If she can't fetch you a beer what does it matter?

 

[RadiomanATL]

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.

Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."

The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"

Bob says, "OK."

Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"

Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."

Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.

The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."

Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"

The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.

 

[Said1]

What happened when the man with no arms tried to masturbate?
He was stumped.

 

[Said1]

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen

 

[RadiomanATL]

Why did Hitler really kill himself?




He saw the gas bill.

 

[Luissa]

what do a call a guy from montana with a truck full of sheep?





a pimp

 

[Luissa]

what do you call a white guy pushing a car up a hill? white power
what do you call a black man pushing a car up a hill? black power
what do you call a mexican pushing a car up a hill?
Grand theft auto

 

[Si modo]

Who is the armless and legless guy who was in the house fire?

Bernie.

 

[RadiomanATL]

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

 

[Said1]

As some of you well know, my personal favs, passed down by the women in my family -

Mommy, Mommy! There’s something in daddy’s eye!
Shut up and eat around it.

or

Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?
Shut up and flush.

 

[RadiomanATL]

Mike and Bob had just finished the first nine holes in their round of golf, and it was obvious that Mike was having an awful day.

"Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today. What's the matter?" asked Bob.

Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Connie's dead."

"My God! That's terrible," said Bob, "but you said you only THINK your wife is dead. Aren't you sure?"

"Well, I just don't know" responded Mike, "the sex is still the same, but the dishes are piling up."

 

[Si modo]

How do you get a retard to kill himself?

Put a knife in his hand and ask him, "Who's special?"






Now, I need a shower.

 

[alan1]

Did you know that the only difference between a Jew and a pizza is that pizza's don't scream when you put them in the oven.

 

[alan1]

How do you tell when an Arab reaches puberty?
He takes the diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.

 

[RadiomanATL]

What's white and fourteen inches long?



Absolutely nothing!

 

[Andrew2382]

Why do women love jesus so much


He was hung like this!

(extend your arms out)


I have really truly tasteless jokes but I don't think i can post them way to many people would get offended

 

[RadiomanATL]

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch prick, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy asks.. “What’s wrong with you?”

In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”

The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch prick, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Turner Brown!…Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, “Turn Around!!”

 

[alan1]

Definitions

Whore: Fucks anybody in town for money.
Slut: Fucks everybody in town.
Bitch: Fucks everybody in town except you.