The totally tasteless joke thread

[rdean]

The blond asked her husband if they should give something to the mailman because he was retiring. The husband said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar".

The next day, when the mailman showed up, the blond grabbed him, brought him inside, screwed his brains out, brought him down to the kitchen and made him an incredible breakfast of french toast and bacon, sausage and freshly ground coffee.

As she poured the coffee, she put a dollar under the cup and slide it toward the mailman.

The mailman was so flabbergasted, he asked what the dollar was for?

The blond said, "When I told my husband you were retiring, he said, fuck him, give him a dollar. Breakfast was MY idea".

 

[RadiomanATL]

A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says"I love liver and cheese." she says "that's not good enough." The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not creative", and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."

 

[L.K.Eder]

Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
I'll start.

What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
A baby with a razor blade.

you ****!

i am offended, i alerted ACLU

 

[alan1]

Me and my buddies are sitting in a bar and this woman walks in. She's built like a goddess, six feet tall, lean legs that rise to an amazing ass and firm 40D breasts.
She walks up to us and says "I'll do anything you want if you can say it in 3 words".
Joe blurts out, "I wanna fuck you."
She replies, "Too many words."
Fred says "Fuck me"
She replies, "Too few words."
I look her straight in the eye and say, "Iron my shirts".

 

[alan1]

Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
I'll start.

What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
A baby with a razor blade.

you ****!

i am offended, i alerted ACLU

I ain't skeered of the ACLU, as long as you didn't tell Care4All or del or Crimson White about this thread, I'm safe.

 

[RadiomanATL]

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f-----g her."

The boss says, "You f--k your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

 

[L.K.Eder]

And then, Si Modo got all serious and stuff.......

Eh, I'm pretty passionate about freedom of speech. Sorry.

If I told some "Bob" jokes, would that make it better?

i cannot even post enough smiling emoticons to express my pleasure of finding this gem.

 

[L.K.Eder]

Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
I'll start.

What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
A baby with a razor blade.

you ****!

i am offended, i alerted ACLU

I ain't skeered of the ACLU, as long as you didn't tell Care4All or del or Crimson White about this thread, I'm safe.

man, i am so passionate about MY freedom of speech, i might just rip your tongue out!

 

[AVG-JOE]

Si Modo, MountainMan, RadiomanATL and AVG-JOE were sitting in a bar.
What could be more tasteless than that?

Si Modo, MountainMan, RadiomanATL and AVG-JOE were sitting in a bar waiting to buy Charlie Bass a beer...

 

[alan1]

Si Modo, MountainMan, RadiomanATL and AVG-JOE were sitting in a bar.
What could be more tasteless than that?

Si Modo, MountainMan, RadiomanATL and AVG-JOE were sitting in a bar waiting to buy Charlie Bass a beer...

We have a winner.

 

[germanguy]

A paedophile and a little girl walk at night through a forest.
The girl:"It is dark here, it is freezing and I am afraid."
The paedophile answers:"Lucky you - I will have to walk back alone."

___________

A paedophile tries to give a bar of chocolate to a little girl.
The girl says"This is not necessary, I already have a crush on you".

___________


And my persoanl favourite:



No jokes about germans and nazis. I am personally involved as my grandpa died in
Auschwitz.
















Fell from the wathtower, roaring drunk.....
















Nah, just kidding....
















He survived it, just broke a leg....
















regards
ze germanguy

__________________________

I personally rather loose a good friend, alienate my wife or enrage someone
than leaving out a tasteless joke. Can´t help it.

 

[germanguy]

This for the ladies:

What is your hubby in acid ?


One problem solved


And for the guys

Why men can never trust a woman ?

Would you trust anybody bleeding for days every four weeks without beeing dead ?

________________



A man goes to the doctor for his yearly check-up.

Next time the doctor says:
"Mr Miller I have bad news for you.
You have LAIDS."

"I have what ?"

"LAIDS - a new disease : half lepra - half aids. But do not worry, there is a way to treat this."

"Thank god - what are you going to do ?"

"Well, strict isolation and special food: We will put you in an isolation cell and you will get a diet of Pizza and Sole."

"Great and this will cure me ?"

"Nope, but this is the only food we can push through under the door"
____________


And now two of my favorites:

An old Rabbi in 1938 ask´s an SS - Officer to explain him why the Jews are a danger to Germany.

"You old f...g jewish bastard, for what you wanna hear that ?"

"I just love to hear how dangerous I am."

____________

Now this really happened.
In 1934 a german comedian called Werner Fink was arrested by the Gestapo, because he made some jokes about Hitler.
In their cellars he was searched and asked if he was armed.
His answer was:
"Do you think this will be necessary ?"

Well his stay was then somewhat more unpleasant.

On stage he adressed the known Gestapo - guy in the audience with:
"Can you still follow ? Or do I have to follow you afterwards ?"

Also nice:

Short before the end of the war two germans meet in the ruins of Berlin.
One asks the other: "What do you think of Hitler ?"

The other looks around and then drags the other into a quit corner.
After having ensured that nobody listenes he whispers:

"I wholeheartly support the Führer, but tell nobody"


regards
ze germanguy

 

[germanguy]

What do you call a woman with no legs?
Who cares? If she can't fetch you a beer what does it matter?

How to get your wife having an orgasm every time you screw her ?
Who needs to know that ?
-------
Dr - I have a knot in my left breast !

Hell - who would do that !
______

Why are woman not able to park the car ?

Because men always tell them

>>_________________________ <<


this are 20 inches !

_______

Condom sizes available in Harlem:

Large
Medium sized
Small
For white men
_______


regards
ze germanguy

 

[kronos7878]

Have you ever heard of the boy who left home because he didn't like how his father was rearing him?

Well he came back because he couldn't leave his brother's behind!

 

[Billo_Really]

Name three things you can't give to an African American.

A black eye, a fat lip and a job.

What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four!

 

[Billo_Really]

Have you ever heard of the boy who left home because he didn't like how his father was rearing him?

Well he came back because he couldn't leave his brother's behind!

That's the Greek army motto...

"Never leave your buddies behind!"

 

[Billo_Really]

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think we care!

 

[Billo_Really]

Why do they make aspirin white?

So it'll work!

 

[Billo_Really]

What do you get when a blonde stands on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath!

 

[Billo_Really]

What's 12 inches long and makes a woman scream in the morning?

Crib death!