The totally tasteless joke thread

Discussion in 'Humor' started by alan1, Nov 14, 2009.

  1. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
    I'll start.

    What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
    A baby with a razor blade.
     
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  2. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    It's Jesus,
     

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  3. RadiomanATL
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    RadiomanATL Senior Member

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    A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.

    The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".

    The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"

    When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say ?"

    The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your underwear."
     
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  4. RadiomanATL
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    RadiomanATL Senior Member

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    An Indian tracker is taking some pioneers through the plains in the mid-1800's. Suddenly he stops and points. "Bear have babies." He says.

    One of the younger pioneers runs up and asks, "How'd you know that!?."

    "I know these things," replied the Indian.

    They continue their journey, and a little while later the Indian stops, points, and says, "deer tracks."

    "How'd you know that!?" asks the young pioneer once again.

    "I know these things."

    After another hour of journeying, the Indian jumps of his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come."

    "How'd you know that!?"

    "Ear wet."
     
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  5. RadiomanATL
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    RadiomanATL Senior Member

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    There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

    She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

    When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

    She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

    The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

    Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

    As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

    Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."
     
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  6. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Name three things you can't give to an African American.

    A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
     
  7. RadiomanATL
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    RadiomanATL Senior Member

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    A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"

    Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."

    So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.

    The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
    So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."

    To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
     
  8. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    What's big and grey and comes in quarts?










    Elephants.​










    .
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2009
  9. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?












    "See you next month!!!"​





    .
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2009
  10. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Why was Jesus not born in Arkansas?








    Couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin...​






    .
     

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