The perfect relationship.

[PredFan]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

There's definitely a shortage of good marriages these days.
Other then my wife and I,there's only one other couple we know who are still together in our circle of friends.
Still cant believe almost twenty four years have gone by.
As far as advice goes? I got nothing.....

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I believe all relationships have different "seasons" to them and each is important. Marriage is like a garden which is probably why God is referred to in the bible as the husbandman. The gardner. Whereas the relationship between Jesus and the church is described as a marriage and we are described as the "bride of Christ ".. ( believers ) I find there are parallels.. As to the husbandman or gardner..

As a tree produces fruit he will prune it back to produce even more fruit. We sometimes mistake certain seasons of our life as dead zones. This is not true. Even a tree in winter which appears dead is alive inside and taking in sunlight, photosynthesis is going on -I cannot explain these things as it is beyond my realm of understanding - but there is life within the tree whereas it may appear to be as dead as a truly dead tree which has no life it it! ( winter, summer, spring or fall - the latter tree must be cut down & removed - it is dead )


With that said, I believe our vows are made to God in heaven. No matter how difficult a matter may appear at the moment in ones marriage, no matter what obstacle, what challenge, through Christ we can do all things including loving someone when they are perhaps not acting in such a lovely way, we can deny ourselves and be there when our partner is not well, undergoing some physical sickness, whatever it may be and still remain steadfast in our love and devotion to them.

I remember some time ago a certain person calling me to announce their family had agreed with them in their decision to divorce their husband. I said, why are you divorcing him? She replied, "I'm not happy". My reply was, Whose happy? If we gauge our life by moments of happiness rather than by the joy of Christ which is a deeper level of what is real and genuine we will find ourselves making poor decisions. The truth is there will be moments .....even seasons ....when all married people will go through difficulties but the truth is "this too shall pass"..

So with that I would say that I am happy for both of you that you have found yourselves blessed in your marriages I cannot believe either of you would have nothing to say about how it came to be. You see, you both must have done good things towards your wives to be enjoying the rewards of that today. What good things might you have done? You must have forgiven them when they failed to meet your expectation. You must have nurtured the relationship with spending quality time with them, thinking often of them, speaking to others about them and your love for them, sharing their photograph with pride, look at my wife, isn't she lovely, remembering their birthdays, your anniversary, complimenting them on their appearance, their cooking, the way they raised your children,kept your home, was there for you in both good times and bad....... surely even now you are praising them in your own particular way and so that in itself is one key to having a happy marriage. Without even knowing it you have given clues to what gives longevity and life to a marriage, you see. It is love. An abiding love....

It really isn't such a mystery after all. Is it? - Jeri

He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And obtains favor from the Lord. - Proverbs 18: 22

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I believe all relationships have different "seasons" to them and each is important. Marriage is like a garden which is probably why God is referred to in the bible as the husbandman. The gardner. Whereas the relationship between Jesus and the church is described as a marriage and we are described as the "bride of Christ ".. ( believers ) I find there are parallels.. As to the husbandman or gardner..

As a tree produces fruit he will prune it back to produce even more fruit. We sometimes mistake certain seasons of our life as dead zones. This is not true. Even a tree in winter which appears dead is alive inside and taking in sunlight, photosynthesis is going on -I cannot explain these things as it is beyond my realm of understanding - but there is life within the tree whereas it may appear to be as dead as a truly dead tree which has no life it it! ( winter, summer, spring or fall - the latter tree must be cut down & removed - it is dead )


With that said, I believe our vows are made to God in heaven. No matter how difficult a matter may appear at the moment in ones marriage, no matter what obstacle, what challenge, through Christ we can do all things including loving someone when they are perhaps not acting in such a lovely way, we can deny ourselves and be there when our partner is not well, undergoing some physical sickness, whatever it may be and still remain steadfast in our love and devotion to them.

I remember some time ago a certain person calling me to announce their family had agreed with them in their decision to divorce their husband. I said, why are you divorcing him? She replied, "I'm not happy". My reply was, Whose happy? If we gauge our life by moments of happiness rather than by the joy of Christ which is a deeper level of what is real and genuine we will find ourselves making poor decisions. The truth is there will be moments .....even seasons ....when all married people will go through difficulties but the truth is "this too shall pass"..

So with that I would say that I am happy for both of you that you have found yourselves blessed in your marriages I cannot believe either of you would have nothing to say about how it came to be. You see, you both must have done good things towards your wives to be enjoying the rewards of that today. What good things might you have done? You must have forgiven them when they failed to meet your expectation. You must have nurtured the relationship with spending quality time with them, thinking often of them, speaking to others about them and your love for them, sharing their photograph with pride, look at my wife, isn't she lovely, remembering their birthdays, your anniversary, complimenting them on their appearance, their cooking, the way they raised your children,kept your home, was there for you in both good times and bad....... surely even now you are praising them in your own particular way and so that in itself is one key to having a happy marriage. Without even knowing it you have given clues to what gives longevity and life to a marriage, you see. It is love. An abiding love....

It really isn't such a mystery after all. Is it? - Jeri

Alright ...here's my advice. Marry your best friend. The trick is finding one thats the right sex.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

You lost me on that one as there is only one sex to marry. The one that is the opposite of yours. Have a blessed day, Herewegoagain. - Jeri

 

[syrenn]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

first off, there is not such thing as a "perfect" marriage. Looking for a "perfect" marriage is setting your set up. I have a pretty darn perfect marriage. Yes, there are things i would have differently, but no one is ever a perfect package. Not even me

I truly feel people should live together for a good 5 years before they get married. that way they can get a better feel if the other person is truly someone they do want to marry.

 

[tinydancer]

I've found three amazing marriages. Not trying to be a smart ass here. I moved thru life with three "perfect "men.

25 years with my dearest now. But I loved my others so much. The relationships just didn't work out. It doesn't mean there wasn't love and passion and commitment.

That we didn't try. Or that we didn't love.

I know others aren't as fond of their ex's as I am. Because I really do still love and appreciate these men who were in my life. Who helped shape me to become who I am.

But I hope some will understand that past loves make you who you are today and help you love better, embrace better, be a better person for the love of your life now.

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

I agree with Syrenn that there are no perfect marriages. I disagree with Syrenn that people should live together before they get married.

I know many people do it and before I became a Christian I would have said the same thing. After I became a Christian that was not even an option. I disagree with it because God disagrees with it.

I did it God's way. I didn't have sex with my husband before I was married. I told him that I was not a car to be test driven, neither was I a house to be "pre-qualified".. This fascinated him as he had not met many women who held such a high standard about keeping themselves pure before marriage. He respected my decision and we will be married 15 years 2 weeks from now.. he told me the other day marrying me was the best decision he ever made in his life. I thought that was quite a compliment.

-Jeri

 

[Book of Jeremiah]

Responding to TD, I can't relate to that one. But I did tell my husband that Jesus was the greatest love of my life - the one I walked with for many years before I ever met him and did keep myself set apart to - so when I married him I told him Jesus is still the greatest love of my life and will stay First in my life always. He has second place. Not First. He agreed that was reasonable otherwise I would not have married him. - Jeri p.s. I came to Christ at a young age and gave my beauty to the Lord - I did not date as other Christian girls did - I lived for Christ alone. I had no plans of getting married. That was God's idea. Not mine.

 

[PredFan]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

first off, there is not such thing as a "perfect" marriage. Looking for a "perfect" marriage is setting your set up. I have a pretty darn perfect marriage. Yes, there are things i would have differently, but no one is ever a perfect package. Not even me

I truly feel people should live together for a good 5 years before they get married. that way they can get a better feel if the other person is truly someone they do want to marry.

My wife wouldn't allow that. In fact after the fourth or fifth time we had sex she informed me that this wasn't how it was going to stay. I proposed to her the next day.

I used to think that living together was the answer, and one could make a good argument but I don't think it matters, and I'll bet the statistics don't say that it does.

 

[PredFan]

I've found three amazing marriages. Not trying to be a smart ass here. I moved thru life with three "perfect "men.

25 years with my dearest now. But I loved my others so much. The relationships just didn't work out. It doesn't mean there wasn't love and passion and commitment.

That we didn't try. Or that we didn't love.

I know others aren't as fond of their ex's as I am. Because I really do still love and appreciate these men who were in my life. Who helped shape me to become who I am.

But I hope some will understand that past loves make you who you are today and help you love better, embrace better, be a better person for the love of your life now.

Agreed. Both myself and my wife had come away from bitter divorces when we met. I don't think that we would be so good for each other if we had met before those marriages.

 

[daveman]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

22 years here, and except for a few bumps (clinical depression and a military career put a lot of stress on a marriage), it's been awesome.

What's worked for us, and for many long-term marriages I've seen, is make sure you're married to your best friend.

 

[Barbarap]

Thirty five years this month for us.

 

[BDBoop]

Thirty five years this month for us.

Congratulations.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

You lost me on that one as there is only one sex to marry. The one that is the opposite of yours. Have a blessed day, Herewegoagain. - Jeri

Uhhhh...I'd be willing to bet you have male and female friends.
Best friends are rare. One in the opposite sex even more so.
Unless of course you go the other way....not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

[Sunshine]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

first off, there is not such thing as a "perfect" marriage. Looking for a "perfect" marriage is setting your set up. I have a pretty darn perfect marriage. Yes, there are things i would have differently, but no one is ever a perfect package. Not even me

I truly feel people should live together for a good 5 years before they get married. that way they can get a better feel if the other person is truly someone they do want to marry.

And that's about how long it takes for those Sybil and Cujo personalities to come out.

 

[syrenn]

Many people who know me, know that I have a perfect relationship. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now and it's like we are still on our honeymoon.

I have been asked for relationship advice many times but I really have none to give. I don't know how anyone goes about finding their ideal mate. I found nine by sheer luck. This is my 3rd marriage so it's clear that I don't have a "system" that I can impart to people. I feel for anyone who is looking for someone, or is in a bad relationship.

Working as I do, in a female dominated occupation, there is a lot of relationship talk going on every day. There are some who seem to be in a good marriage and there are those who make their relationship work by effort, and still others who live in a totally dysfunctional marriage.

In less than a year, one of my daughters is getting married. I don't really have any advice to give. I almost feel like saying "all you can do is cross your fingers".

Why is it so difficult and why aren't more marriages like mine?

first off, there is not such thing as a "perfect" marriage. Looking for a "perfect" marriage is setting your set up. I have a pretty darn perfect marriage. Yes, there are things i would have differently, but no one is ever a perfect package. Not even me

I truly feel people should live together for a good 5 years before they get married. that way they can get a better feel if the other person is truly someone they do want to marry.

And that's about how long it takes for those Sybil and Cujo personalities to come out.

exactly!

 

[Diana1180]

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the dinner celebrating it, Byron was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

'Tell us Byron, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?'

Byron responds, 'Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single.'

In all seriousness. I am jealous of those that have found their "perfect" mate.

Someday.....

 

[naomibee]

I don't believe in living together because 1. it takes the thrill out of ( once you do get married)!!. 2. the bible is clear about it. GOD BLESS every one on here that has good marriages and Anniversary. i hope one day to be married again.

 

[Diana1180]

I dont think I could marry someone without living with them first. I am too old and set in my ways. I need to see if I can tolerate him for long periods of time before I marry the guy.