The Must See Movie of 2011: Breaking Dawn

Discussion in 'Reviews' started by Modbert, Nov 27, 2009.

  1. Modbert
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    Modbert Daydream Believer Supporting Member

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    THE DEVIN'S ADVOCATE: WHY BREAKING DAWN MUST BE MADE INTO A MOVIE

    David Cronenberg does need to direct this, and if he does, I will see it. :eusa_whistle:

    Thoughts?
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2009
  2. Jon
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    Jon The CPA

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    Ha. Even Twilight fans don't want to see that movie made, that's how fucking awful it is.

    I wish someone would punch Stephenie Meyer in the throat for that abortion of literature.
     
  3. Modbert
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    Modbert Daydream Believer Supporting Member

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    The whole series or that book specifically?

    And I don't think Twilight fans would want it made because they would be seen as flipping psychos. :lol:

    I had someone explain to me the fourth book after I read that blog with a straight face. It was hilarious.
     
  4. Jon
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    Jon The CPA

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    Both, but that book is beyond comprehension. First, it's told from two different perspectives (Jacob and then Bella). Second, Bella gets pregnant by a vampire, and her baby grows at an abnormal rate before clawing its way out of the womb. Then, when the baby is born, Jacob falls in love with it. So, we have demonic babies and pedophilia, and this is a book that won children's book of the year. It's seriously fucked up.

    The story is all over the fucking place, and the writing style is just horrendous. Meyer lacks imagination and she lacks the ability to describe what is going on without sounding like a complete moron.
     
  5. Modbert
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    Modbert Daydream Believer Supporting Member

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    And to think she said she wrote this book for herself. And was the blog right about the C section? :lol:

    The fact it won children's book of the year just goes to show they don't even care about quality, just name popularity.
     
  6. Jon
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    Yes, everything in that is absolutely 100% correct, as fucked up as it sounds. Edward literally fucks Bella unconscious. The baby literally breaks Bella's ribs from inside the womb. Edward literally gives Bella a C-section with his teeth.

    The B-side of the story is that the Volturri come looking for the baby. They think it is an abomination and they want to kill it. So the whole fucking book builds up to what should be an awesome battle between the good vampires and the werewolves against the bad vampires. And, in the end, it turns out that there are other abominations like Renesmee (Yes, that's the baby's name, but Jacob calls her "Nessie," and yes, there's a reference to the Loch Ness monster). So the Volturri grow soft and instead of a giant fucking off battle, they all meet on the field of battle to talk for 100 pages and then leave.

    Oh, and every vampire has a special "power." When Bella is turned into a vampire, her power is the ability to protect people with an imaginary bubble.

    I bet you think I'm making this up. And I wish I was.
     
  7. Modbert
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    Modbert Daydream Believer Supporting Member

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    Reading that makes me think I could be a successful author.
     
  8. Jon
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    Reading the books made me wish I was illiterate.
     
  9. Modbert
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    Modbert Daydream Believer Supporting Member

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    Make a time machine for the sole purpose of going back in time to make yourself not read the books. Therefore, creating a time paradox. :lol:
     
  10. Jon
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    If I made a time machine, I'd go back in time and abort Stephene Meyer, saving humanity from this god awful plague of art.

    I wish J. K. Rowling would challenge Stephenie Meyer to a death match. Each writes 100 pages of text, and we get to vote on who's better. The loser dies.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2009

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