The car wreck

miketx

Diamond Member
Dec 25, 2015
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A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay you'll walk again and everything however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans but the doctor goes on "You ...have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So" the doctor says" You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you’ve been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now she might be disappointed. It's important that she play a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have" says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite counter tops."
 
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay you'll walk again and everything however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans but the doctor goes on "You ...have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So" the doctor says" You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you’ve been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now she might be disappointed. It's important that she play a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have" says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite counter tops."
Perfect! :auiqs.jpg:

FYI, all granite countertop getters regret it because it's porous and they have funky resin n stuff.

Ixnay anitegray ountertopcay

Tile, Formica, quartz, or marble.
 

The Accident (Things Could Be Worse)​

 

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