The National School Shooters Union has announced its strong opposition to the idea of arming teachers. "It's absolutely crazy," said union spokesman John Fascist Liberal. "Not only would it put our members in dire jeopardy, which is our main concern," he added, "but it could also cause the deaths of innocent school children, which in turn could reduce the number of targets for our members to sho`ot at, and that just won't do." The spokesman added, "Additionally, the presence of armed teachers could discourage most or all of our members from doing any more school shootings, which of course would mean the loss of union dues, if not the dissolution of the union." When asked if the union planned on running an ad campaign against arming teachers, he replied, "Given the fact that most news networks, newspapers, and liberals are screaming against the idea night and day, we see no need to run any ads against the suggestion. We appreciate their efforts."