Polyamory: Inside An Open Marriage

[Samson]

Ew.

What?

No Octopus?

Ew. Ew.

Wait, wouldn't that be octopussy?

Wait, I'll see if I can find a pic.......

 

[Delta4Embassy]

google 'shunga'

 

[Delta4Embassy]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

I'm constantly amazed how Florida has some of the sexiest people while paradoxically some the most ridiculous laws about sex.

 

[WinterBorn]

More perversion designed to destroy the traditional family unit, which the rock of society. Bottom line is that however fun this may sound, it doesn't work. People just don't like the idea of their spouse fucking other people. It creates heavy tension and division in a marriage.

Funny, polygamists practice "polyamory", but nobody calls them "revolutionary", just backward and weird. Anyway, the women who escape these marriages invariably describe them as horrible. The jealousy is intense.

Maybe you have jealousy issues, but not everyone else does. I know quite a few people who have been in polyamorous relationships for years and everyone involved is happy.

If its not for you, that's fine. But you don't get to decide what works for anyone else. As long as it is consenting adults, why would you stick your nose in?

 

[Luddly Neddite]

So apparently, Newsweek did a story on this in late July.

Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution? - Newsweek

What I thought was interesting was what they had to say about children.

"Anecdotally, research shows that children can do well in poly families—as long as they're in a stable home with loving parents, says Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist at Georgia State University, who is conducting the first large-scale study of children of poly parents, which has been ongoing for a decade."

So basically, it's still - always - about the parents and the family.

I agree that this is undoubtedly true. The problem I have with poly-marriage is that, by definition, as the law is now, some of the children are illegitimate. While that's not the huge issue that it used to be, the adults should not be allowed to knowingly socially handicap their kids in any way. IMO.

 

[Katzndogz]

Incest is best!

If you can't fuck your daughter, civilization is pretty much at an end.

 

[Luddly Neddite]

More perversion designed to destroy the traditional family unit, which the rock of society. Bottom line is that however fun this may sound, it doesn't work. People just don't like the idea of their spouse fucking other people. It creates heavy tension and division in a marriage.

Funny, polygamists practice "polyamory", but nobody calls them "revolutionary", just backward and weird. Anyway, the women who escape these marriages invariably describe them as horrible. The jealousy is intense.

What's wrong with consenting adults doing as they wish as long as it harms no one else? You wanting laws to keep them from that?

The miserable women you're so concerned about were forced into these "marriages" as children. You know, just like the Robertson's are pushing. Oh wait, that's different, right?

 

[Luddly Neddite]

Incest is best!

If you can't fuck your daughter, civilization is pretty much at an end.

Who is committing incest?

And since when do you care about children?

 

[Luddly Neddite]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

So, talk already.

Really.

Ignore the assholes and tell us about your situation.

And, welcome to the board.

 

[BDBoop]

This is a three year-old thread.

 

[Gracie]

ewww.

headin' out the door.

 

[BDBoop]

I have friends from that lifestyle - in fact, one such friend helped open my mind to the fact that life isn't always as simple as we may believe it to be at first glance.

It's nothing I would be interested in. But I'm no longer all "ewww!!" in their general direction.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I have friends from that lifestyle - in fact, one such friend helped open my mind to the fact that life isn't always as simple as we may believe it to be at first glance.

It's nothing I would be interested in. But I'm no longer all "ewww!!" in their general direction.

I think we're "ewwing" the incest, not the polyamory.

 

[Vox]

ewww.

there is way too many complicated issues to be resolved with ONE partner, you have to be NUTS to involve more - unless you want to go through eh high school ganging experience again.

 

[Vox]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

More perversion designed to destroy the traditional family unit, which the rock of society. Bottom line is that however fun this may sound, it doesn't work. People just don't like the idea of their spouse fucking other people. It creates heavy tension and division in a marriage.

Funny, polygamists practice "polyamory", but nobody calls them "revolutionary", just backward and weird. Anyway, the women who escape these marriages invariably describe them as horrible. The jealousy is intense.

Yeah, I tend to agree. One spouse is usually a lot happier about it than the other spouse.

I think some spouses just go along with it as a desperate attempt to keep their marriage intact.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I'm a 37 yo married mom in an open marriage and in a relationship that includes my sister, her husband, my sisters lover and my 22 yo daughter.

Every parent's dream...to be able to watch their children fuck or to in some way, either directly or indirectly, be involved in their offspring's sex lives.

Perverted. And not too much shocks me. This doesn't either...it just disgusts me a little bit.

 

[Quantum Windbag]

If there are books telling me how to do something, it's too complicated.

Breathing is complicated.

The Breathing Book: Good Health and Vitality Through Essential Breath Work by Donna Farhi ? Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

 

[FallingSnow]

More perversion designed to destroy the traditional family unit, which the rock of society. Bottom line is that however fun this may sound, it doesn't work. People just don't like the idea of their spouse fucking other people. It creates heavy tension and division in a marriage.

Funny, polygamists practice "polyamory", but nobody calls them "revolutionary", just backward and weird. Anyway, the women who escape these marriages invariably describe them as horrible. The jealousy is intense.

Maybe you have jealousy issues, but not everyone else does. I know quite a few people who have been in polyamorous relationships for years and everyone involved is happy.

If its not for you, that's fine. But you don't get to decide what works for anyone else. As long as it is consenting adults, why would you stick your nose in?

I've been dating a 'polyamorous' man for two years. I've spent a great deal of time on a polyamory forum. I see virtually no one there who's 'happy.' There are some who claim to be, but when you get to know their stories well, you'll find out that maybe two of the three people are quite happy, and the third is just desperately trying to avoid a divorce that's going to separate him from his children, and try to put a good face on this thing that he's been informed is going to happen with or without him. (As just one instance.) Let me be clear about that: even the ones who claim to be happy are completely ignoring that their spouse is desperately unhappy, and in fact outright miserable with the situation.

Or if you find a story where everyone really seems quite happy, follow it for a few more months, maybe a year or two, and you're going to see people changing their minds, and divorces, marriages falling apart, and long time advocates of poly swearing off it and deciding it's not a great way to live.

A friend and I who have followed these stories closely have noticed that the vast majority of these people are dealing with one or more sorts of mental issue, such as depression, anxiety, bi-polar. Many come from somewhat dysfunctional backgrounds. We see a bunch of people desperately trying to fill an aching emptiness in their souls, and in most cases, it's ending up with constant heartache as they go through one breakup after another with the outside relationships, or finally the break up of their marriage.

Of the hundreds of people there, I know of exactly one who says she had a very successful and happy triad of twenty years, that lasted until one of the three died. So, yes, it apparently can work. But honestly...the odds are hugely against it working.

And the fact is, what 'consenting adults' do often eventually affects society. When these marriages break up, that affects the children, which affects their teachers, their classmates, their futures, which affects society. When two people are too busy dating to take time to put any good in the world (volunteer for a charity, say), yes, that affects society. When sexual promiscuity goes up, and social diseases spread, that affects society.

When secondaries are moving in and out of the children's lives, that eventually affects the kids (check out mommyish.com for a couple of really good articles by one of the kids living with this if you want to see how it's affecting kids.) When kids barely see their own parents because mom's off having a relationship with her girlfriend and her boyfriend and the new guy she's dating...that affects kids. And the more kids are affected by it, and end up coping with problems they shouldn't have had to cope with--the more society is affected by it.

When the 'secondaries' are struggling with all the issues of having half a relationship and all the pain that so often goes with that, yes, their struggles often enough affect the people around them, and the more it's happening, the more that affects society.

I have no doubt I'd like almost every one of these people in real life. Obviously, I like the guy I'm dating. But I've seen the world up close. I've followed some of the stories for two years now. I'm on a forum for 'mono partners of polys' and another for 'secondary singles.' And what I see is pain, pain, pain, and more pain.

Yes, every now and again, when the planets line up just right , one of these situations seems to work, but from all my reading and research, it's very rare, the actions of these 'consenting adults' is causing a lot of pain, and there are so many flaws inherent to the very system of trying to maintain two relationships that I would never do it again, would never advise anyone to do it, and would even say that if it were to become common, we're going to see a lot more problems in society.

 

[Vox]

the society landed up with a model of monogamous HETEROSEXUAL marriage for a reason.

Because it is the healthiest way for a society.

yet some need to reinvent the wheel