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I ran across this article while looking for something else online, and thought it might make an interesting topic for discussion.
". . . "Ethical non-monogamy" or "polyamory" (literally translated as "many loves") means having loving, intimate relationships with more than one person with the full consent of everyone involved.
The phenomenon is on the rise in North America, including among midlife couples seeking new sexual adventures and emotional connections after being with the same partner for many years. Some believe this type of marriage has such broad appeal that over the next decade it will become accepted as a viable lifestyle choice. A recent Newsweek report, noting an estimated 500,000 Americans are practising polyamory, proposed that it could be "the next sexual revolution." And in Canada, there are online polyamory support groups in every province . . ."
Polyamory: Inside an open marriage - Deciding to try polyamory - More magazine
The story opens with a description of a married couple which opened to include a female friend of the wife whose husband had recently passed away.
It goes on to include descriptions of what polyamorous marriages are like and how they are developed, written by two authors with new books on the market, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by New York sex educator and writer Tristan Taormino and Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block.
Discuss.
More perversion designed to destroy the traditional family unit, which the rock of society. Bottom line is that however fun this may sound, it doesn't work. People just don't like the idea of their spouse fucking other people. It creates heavy tension and division in a marriage.
Funny, polygamists practice "polyamory", but nobody calls them "revolutionary", just backward and weird. Anyway, the women who escape these marriages invariably describe them as horrible. The jealousy is intense.
Maybe you have jealousy issues, but not everyone else does. I know quite a few people who have been in polyamorous relationships for years and everyone involved is happy.
If its not for you, that's fine. But you don't get to decide what works for anyone else. As long as it is consenting adults, why would you stick your nose in?
I've been dating a 'polyamorous' man for two years. I've spent a great deal of time on a polyamory forum. I see virtually no one there who's 'happy.' There are some who claim to be, but when you get to know their stories well, you'll find out that maybe two of the three people are quite happy, and the third is just desperately trying to avoid a divorce that's going to separate him from his children, and try to put a good face on this thing that he's been informed is going to happen with or without him. (As just one instance.) Let me be clear about that: even the ones who claim to be happy are completely ignoring that their spouse is desperately unhappy, and in fact outright miserable with the situation.
Or if you find a story where everyone really seems quite happy, follow it for a few more months, maybe a year or two, and you're going to see people changing their minds, and divorces, marriages falling apart, and long time advocates of poly swearing off it and deciding it's not a great way to live.
A friend and I who have followed these stories closely have noticed that the vast majority of these people are dealing with one or more sorts of mental issue, such as depression, anxiety, bi-polar. Many come from somewhat dysfunctional backgrounds. We see a bunch of people desperately trying to fill an aching emptiness in their souls, and in most cases, it's ending up with constant heartache as they go through one breakup after another with the outside relationships, or finally the break up of their marriage.
Of the hundreds of people there, I know of exactly one who says she had a very successful and happy triad of twenty years, that lasted until one of the three died. So, yes, it apparently can work. But honestly...the odds are hugely against it working.
And the fact is, what 'consenting adults' do often eventually affects society. When these marriages break up, that affects the children, which affects their teachers, their classmates, their futures, which affects society. When two people are too busy dating to take time to put any good in the world (volunteer for a charity, say), yes, that affects society. When sexual promiscuity goes up, and social diseases spread, that affects society.
When secondaries are moving in and out of the children's lives, that eventually affects the kids (check out mommyish.com for a couple of really good articles by one of the kids living with this if you want to see how it's affecting kids.) When kids barely see their own parents because mom's off having a relationship with her girlfriend and her boyfriend and the new guy she's dating...that affects kids. And the more kids are affected by it, and end up coping with problems they shouldn't have had to cope with--the more society is affected by it.
When the 'secondaries' are struggling with all the issues of having half a relationship and all the pain that so often goes with that, yes, their struggles often enough affect the people around them, and the more it's happening, the more that affects society.
I have no doubt I'd like almost every one of these people in real life. Obviously, I like the guy I'm dating. But I've seen the world up close. I've followed some of the stories for two years now. I'm on a forum for 'mono partners of polys' and another for 'secondary singles.' And what I see is pain, pain, pain, and more pain.
Yes, every now and again, when the planets line up just right , one of these situations seems to work, but from all my reading and research, it's very rare, the actions of these 'consenting adults' is causing a lot of pain, and there are so many flaws inherent to the very system of trying to maintain two relationships that I would never do it again, would never advise anyone to do it, and would even say that if it were to become common, we're going to see a lot more problems in society.
