i am fighting a panic attack...i had them for years after a major closed head injury....fancy word for major concussion....but i havent had one in years.....*knock on wood* do you know why we knock on wood.....indians...native not ghandi's....believe that the spirits of their ancestors lived in the surrounding trees and would knock on a tree for good luck and fortune....i need to really to doing things....so i feel guilty..i hate guilt...such a useless emote...i need to be in 3 or 4 places at one time...for the next forever....
pull up a chair for the pity party....
everything is just crashing in on me...today...yea right this minute...6:41 am...i must face life and sudden decisions...or go back to bed....you know my big fear is...if i go back to bed...i wont ever get back up....a friend of mine's mother did that....just went to bed one day and never got back out...the old south....
so now i am fighting it off...i feel the panic welling up...and have to literally swallow...and breath deeply....so easy to go over the edge and let the whole thing swept you up and take you away.....like mother fucking calgon....damn i digress..
for the years i had attacks...i rarely left the house...i didnt work...i didnt go out...i just waited for the attacks to come...i was having them about 5 to 8 times a day...crippling...i would drive somewhere with friends...get there and be unable to get out of the car....i was a fun date!
it is so easy to go from a fun loving person ...to a total hermit..i know that...i am one of the lucky ones...my doctor always told me the attacks would stop one day...he never cursed me with them for life...but when i feel this way...i start to panic
pull up a chair for the pity party....
everything is just crashing in on me...today...yea right this minute...6:41 am...i must face life and sudden decisions...or go back to bed....you know my big fear is...if i go back to bed...i wont ever get back up....a friend of mine's mother did that....just went to bed one day and never got back out...the old south....
so now i am fighting it off...i feel the panic welling up...and have to literally swallow...and breath deeply....so easy to go over the edge and let the whole thing swept you up and take you away.....like mother fucking calgon....damn i digress..
for the years i had attacks...i rarely left the house...i didnt work...i didnt go out...i just waited for the attacks to come...i was having them about 5 to 8 times a day...crippling...i would drive somewhere with friends...get there and be unable to get out of the car....i was a fun date!
it is so easy to go from a fun loving person ...to a total hermit..i know that...i am one of the lucky ones...my doctor always told me the attacks would stop one day...he never cursed me with them for life...but when i feel this way...i start to panic