- Sep 22, 2013
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This is a comics-stylized New Year's Eve paranoia-vignette inspired by the film Batman Begins.
I didn't want to post it in the Writing Section of USMB, since I wanted a special Garage Board toast to New Year's (since I'm retiring from blogging!).
Cheers,
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Bruce Wayne was America's favorite socialite-businessman and CEO of Wayne Industries (which he inherited from his late-father). Bruce lived in the lavish mansion Wayne Manor with his butler Alfred Pennyworth. In the basement of Wayne Manor was the secret 'Bat-Cave' in which Bruce planned his vigilante activities as America's favorite masked vigilante, Batman. Batman was in the Bat-Cave on New Year's Eve planning to counter a terrible scheme involving a chainsaw attack in Times Square perpetrated by the ominous serial-killer Leatherface (a chainsaw-wielding cannibal who wore a hideous mask made of human skin and a chef's apron which was usually stained in blood!).
BATMAN: Leatherface will strike with his chainsaw!
ALFRED: He'll strike fear into the hearts of New Year's revellers.
BATMAN: I have to stop him; he's my evil twin.
ALFRED: Be careful not to become obsessed, sir.
BATMAN: I won't Alfred (thanks); I have to stop Leatherface.
ALFRED: Be sure to take your rope and electric stun-gun.
Batman headed to Times Square in his Batmobile (an enhanced Volvo with built-in laser weapons, tear-gas, and a super-nitro engine). Batman arrived in Times Square and noticed there were multiple revellers there dressed as 'Batman,' so Batman realized he could 'blend in' unnoticed. Batman waited patiently on a building rooftop, anticipating Leatherface to show up and run towards the crowd of revellers with his chainsaw. Batman wondered if he should swoop down on Leatherface or try to lasso the psycho's chainsaw and then stun him with his electric stun-gun. Suddenly, Batman spotted Leatherface peering out a Times Square alley and turning on his chainsaw amidst all the noise and revelry of New Year's Eve. Batman decided to swoop down before Leatherface ran out of that alley and into the crowd.
BATMAN: What're you doing here, psycho?
LEATHERFACE: Kill!!!
BATMAN: This is Times Square, not your playground.
LEATHERFACE: Aaarrrgghhh!!!
BATMAN: I'm going to stun you with my gun now.
LEATHERFACE: No!!!
Batman paralyzed Leatherface with his electric stun-gun before disarming the serial-killer by using his rope to yank his chainsaw away from him. Batman then tied up the weirdo and hauled him off to Arkham Asylum, NYC's premier center for the incarceration (maximum-security!) of America's most ominous criminally-insane criminals (including Ted Bundy, Scarecrow, Lizzy Borden, Catwoman, and of course, 'Brainiac'). Batman then drove back home to Wayne Manor and sat back in his chair (in front of his computer and TV analysis screens to evaluate his successful mission).
"I managed to stop Leatherface from attacking random revellers in Times Square on New Year's Eve, and it's given me a very spiritually-rewarding feeling tonight. I will read a passage from Leviticus and a passage from the Book of Matthew before I go to bed. Alfred thinks I need a break and should consider asking a woman out on a date, but the last time I did that, she turned out to be a pure nemesis --- Catwoman! I conclude that arresting and incarcerating Leatherface tonight has made me feel much more psychologically-secure about New York being truly safe from the dangerous grip of 'party monsters,' and I think Alfred is even relieved! Maybe I should retire..."
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I didn't want to post it in the Writing Section of USMB, since I wanted a special Garage Board toast to New Year's (since I'm retiring from blogging!).
Cheers,
====
Bruce Wayne was America's favorite socialite-businessman and CEO of Wayne Industries (which he inherited from his late-father). Bruce lived in the lavish mansion Wayne Manor with his butler Alfred Pennyworth. In the basement of Wayne Manor was the secret 'Bat-Cave' in which Bruce planned his vigilante activities as America's favorite masked vigilante, Batman. Batman was in the Bat-Cave on New Year's Eve planning to counter a terrible scheme involving a chainsaw attack in Times Square perpetrated by the ominous serial-killer Leatherface (a chainsaw-wielding cannibal who wore a hideous mask made of human skin and a chef's apron which was usually stained in blood!).
BATMAN: Leatherface will strike with his chainsaw!
ALFRED: He'll strike fear into the hearts of New Year's revellers.
BATMAN: I have to stop him; he's my evil twin.
ALFRED: Be careful not to become obsessed, sir.
BATMAN: I won't Alfred (thanks); I have to stop Leatherface.
ALFRED: Be sure to take your rope and electric stun-gun.
Batman headed to Times Square in his Batmobile (an enhanced Volvo with built-in laser weapons, tear-gas, and a super-nitro engine). Batman arrived in Times Square and noticed there were multiple revellers there dressed as 'Batman,' so Batman realized he could 'blend in' unnoticed. Batman waited patiently on a building rooftop, anticipating Leatherface to show up and run towards the crowd of revellers with his chainsaw. Batman wondered if he should swoop down on Leatherface or try to lasso the psycho's chainsaw and then stun him with his electric stun-gun. Suddenly, Batman spotted Leatherface peering out a Times Square alley and turning on his chainsaw amidst all the noise and revelry of New Year's Eve. Batman decided to swoop down before Leatherface ran out of that alley and into the crowd.
BATMAN: What're you doing here, psycho?
LEATHERFACE: Kill!!!
BATMAN: This is Times Square, not your playground.
LEATHERFACE: Aaarrrgghhh!!!
BATMAN: I'm going to stun you with my gun now.
LEATHERFACE: No!!!
Batman paralyzed Leatherface with his electric stun-gun before disarming the serial-killer by using his rope to yank his chainsaw away from him. Batman then tied up the weirdo and hauled him off to Arkham Asylum, NYC's premier center for the incarceration (maximum-security!) of America's most ominous criminally-insane criminals (including Ted Bundy, Scarecrow, Lizzy Borden, Catwoman, and of course, 'Brainiac'). Batman then drove back home to Wayne Manor and sat back in his chair (in front of his computer and TV analysis screens to evaluate his successful mission).
"I managed to stop Leatherface from attacking random revellers in Times Square on New Year's Eve, and it's given me a very spiritually-rewarding feeling tonight. I will read a passage from Leviticus and a passage from the Book of Matthew before I go to bed. Alfred thinks I need a break and should consider asking a woman out on a date, but the last time I did that, she turned out to be a pure nemesis --- Catwoman! I conclude that arresting and incarcerating Leatherface tonight has made me feel much more psychologically-secure about New York being truly safe from the dangerous grip of 'party monsters,' and I think Alfred is even relieved! Maybe I should retire..."
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