Kids Hitting Parents

[waltky]

And just where do ya think...

... the kids learned it from??

 

[Esmeralda]

Being a child that was beat depending on which way the wind blew, I know from experience that beating a child is non-productive....There are so many other ways of disciplining a child without violence...

Im on the opposite side..... corporal punishment was the ONLY thing that worked on me as a kid.

And look how you turned out.

 

[Gracie]

When a toddler reaches for a hot plate and you say NO, HOT and they reach again and you say NO, HOT and they get upset and reach yet one more time, what do you do? Continue to yell NO? Move the plate? Or smack the hand reaching? I smacked the hand reaching. Not hard, either. Trying to explain to a toddler that something is hot and do. not. touch. is like telling the dog about the constitution. It does not compute. A hand smack computes.
Or, playing with the stove. You can move a hot plate, yes. But saying NO to playing with the stove knobs...what then? Get a gate? Tape up the knobs? Or teach them NO means NO?
BEATING a child is one thing. XXXX Mod Edit XXXX

 

[ninja007]

I got the strap in grade 6 or 7. It hurt.

 

[Gracie]

So did I. It hurt physically and mentally. More mental than physical in the long run. So yeah..words can hurt.

 

[waltky]

The problem is now days...

... the courts don't discern between...

... beating and smacking a child...

... it's all wrong as far as they're concerned...

... without getting to the facts of the case...

... because their dockets are so overloaded...

... and all they want to do is plea the case resolved.

 

[Anathema]

And look how you turned out.

Yes. Its terrible to be a productive member of society who has a good job, supports himself and his family, follows the law, and acts in moral and ethical faahion. Obviously that's proof of a horrible upbringing.

 

[Anathema]

LOL Everything is the woman's fault, according to your skewed take on reality--and you want to beat your kids. You're a good role model, not.

2 single mothers, with a total of 7 kids by 4 fathers, only 1 of whom is still in the picture. All 4 of them are criminals and deadbeats to one degree or another. Yet the girls are still more loyal to their baby daddies than to their kids. Sounds like a pair if sub-standard mothers to me.

 

[Likkmee]

Waterboarding is govt approved.

 

[Gracie]

BEATING a child is one thing. XXXX Mod Edit XXXX

I guess I'll rephrase.

BEATING a child is one thing....correcting a child with a light smack is another.

 

[Jarlaxle]

The problem is now days...

... the courts don't discern between...

... beating and smacking a child...

... it's all wrong as far as they're concerned...

... without getting to the facts of the case...

... because their dockets are so overloaded...

... and all they want to do is plea the case resolved.

There is no difference.

 

[Katzndogz]

My parents would NEVER hit me. Once I got a bit older, I would have taken their heads off had either one hit me. They did something WORSE. They fought with one another over whatever I had done. And those fights would go on for DAYS. I was the only kid I ever heard of that would lock herself in the closet just to get away from their fights. When I got to be about 12, I said fuck the lot of them and walk out.

 

[Gracie]

My parents would NEVER hit me. Once I got a bit older, I would have taken their heads off had either one hit me. They did something WORSE. They fought with one another over whatever I had done. And those fights would go on for DAYS. I was the only kid I ever heard of that would lock herself in the closet just to get away from their fights. When I got to be about 12, I said fuck the lot of them and walk out.

My mother, after dad died and I came home about a year later, tried to hit me again. I punched her in the face and her wig flew off. Even after all the beating she gave me as a kid and the mental abuse along with it....hitting her did not make me feel better. To this day, I can see the look on her face. I tried to kill myself after that, but was unsuccessful. That is when I knew I had to get away from her for good. Forever. And I did. I saw her maybe 3 times in 30+ years, give or take. I found out she died about 2 or 3 weeks after the fact. For me, it was just ....meh.

 

[Andylusion]

My parents would NEVER hit me. Once I got a bit older, I would have taken their heads off had either one hit me. They did something WORSE. They fought with one another over whatever I had done. And those fights would go on for DAYS. I was the only kid I ever heard of that would lock herself in the closet just to get away from their fights. When I got to be about 12, I said fuck the lot of them and walk out.

My mother, after dad died and I came home about a year later, tried to hit me again. I punched her in the face and her wig flew off. Even after all the beating she gave me as a kid and the mental abuse along with it....hitting her did not make me feel better. To this day, I can see the look on her face. I tried to kill myself after that, but was unsuccessful. That is when I knew I had to get away from her for good. Forever. And I did. I saw her maybe 3 times in 30+ years, give or take. I found out she died about 2 or 3 weeks after the fact. For me, it was just ....meh.

I'm sorry girl. Screwed up world isn't fair. I'm glad your with us. Hope for better days ahead.

 

[Gracie]

Oh, it's been a long time ago. I'm an old lady now. I made it!

 

[Andylusion]

Okay, y'all, you knew this had to be coming:

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

This was on the wall of my doctor's office when I was a little kid, and I think the positive stuff was listed first, but anyway, it's a point. Doesn't mean discipline isn't necessary, but as parents, we ARE our kids most important role models. Which is why most of ours turned out just fine, I'm sure.

Yeah, that's cool. Really. But I do wonder how true it is.

Because I was criticized all the time. But I learned to not condemn.

I was given encouragement by the truck loads... but I have no confidence at all.

Those are the only ones that I can directly relate to myself. So I like your list. I do. I wonder how true it is.

 

[Andylusion]

Oh, it's been a long time ago. I'm an old lady now. I made it!

Thank G-d. I figured you did. ^_^

 

[Gracie]

One of my boyfriends came from a family that lived in filth. Nice house on a nice street but the inside? One whole bedroom was the trash can. Bags and bags of smelly trash. Maggots, flies, horrendous stink. He moved out when he got a full time job and his house was the exact opposite. That was one clean guy. So...sometimes the opposite happens.

 

[Esmeralda]

The problem is now days...

... the courts don't discern between...

... beating and smacking a child...

... it's all wrong as far as they're concerned...

... without getting to the facts of the case...

... because their dockets are so overloaded...

... and all they want to do is plea the case resolved.

I think the courts work on the theory of more caution than not because so many children are being abused. Such violence toward children has always happened, most likely, but in our modern day society, we realize that beating children, locking them in closets, using abusive language and very harsh punishments is not okay. They are smaller than adults, weaker, and vulnerable. The way children were treated in the past, the way people looked the other way when parents were abusive, etc., is not okay with a more enlightened society.

I know the courts today do not charge parents with abuse for a simple spanking. I know that. However, the courts have to be overly cautious about ascertaining if a child is in danger because they have to deal with so much abuse, the kind that has always been around, as I mention above.

Taking a kid out behind the woodshed and beating him/her with a switch is child abuse. It is no longer accepted.. Putting a child over your knee and giving him/her a spanking (one that doesn't end in welts and bruises) is not abuse, and the courts don't see it that way. But they err on the side if caution when judging if a parent has been over zealous in punishing or disciplining a child--in order to protect all children.

When I was growing up, my dad kept a razor strap hanging in the bathroom, right next to the toilet. If we got a 'spanking,' it was bent over the toilet (with the lid down) and with the razor strap. It was very rare; you had to have been very, very bad. As I remember it, it was only once or twice for me during all my childhood. Today, this would be against the law. We got a lot of other punishments, like soap in your mouth (once for me) for what you said, etc. Mostly it was being sent to your room or something (no TVs or computers in your room in those days).

I think the courts need to be overly careful in order to protect kids that are really being abused these days; if parents simply don't use violence and abuse punishments for their children, they don't have to worry.

I read somethring recently about the parent child relationship, but, unfortunately, can't remember the exact wording or where I read it. It said, essentially, that the relationship between you and your children is the most important relationship in your life and that you should, as a parent, take more care than with any other relationship to build a trusting, open, aware, accepting, loving relationship. Your child's heart, mind, and soul are in your care; you must be a thinking parent. Just because you were hit or spanked or severely punished as a child, doesn't mean you automatically assume that is good for your child. I would never consider taking a razor strap to my child, or putting soap in his/her mouth. We are more enlightened nowawdays and should be more enlightened parents. Build a strong and good relationship with your children; that's the way to have good kids and not need to restort to violence with them.

 

[waltky]

Gracie...

... sorry for what ya went through...

... Granny, Uncle Ferd, possum an' me love ya.