Is This Odd?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Zoom-boing, Sep 21, 2010.

  1. Zoom-boing
    Offline

    Zoom-boing Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2008
    Messages:
    25,071
    Thanks Received:
    7,261
    Trophy Points:
    260
    Location:
    East Japip
    Ratings:
    +10,130
    My cousin Joan died last Friday. She was 57. She and Jimmy were married for nearly 30 years, had one daughter, Sarah, (adopted after failed infertility treatments), and Joan survived breast cancer about 15 years ago. She was dx'd with liver cancer earlier this year, went through treatment but it was a lost cause from the get go. She went into the hospital two weeks ago because her liver was shutting down. Sarah flew in from college Thursday and Joan died Friday night around 9pm. 14 hours later, Jimmy and Sarah went to Jimmy's niece's wedding. Sarah had a wonderful time dancing.

    WTF?????

    I get that everyone grieves differently and all but . . . . this just has me (and other family members) perplexed. Unless I hated the person who died I can't imagine going to a wedding, or even imagine wanting to go to a wedding, the day after that person died. And having a good time dancing. :confused:
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 3
  2. chanel
    Offline

    chanel Silver Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2009
    Messages:
    12,130
    Thanks Received:
    2,746
    Trophy Points:
    98
    Location:
    People's Republic of NJ
    Ratings:
    +2,749
    I couldn't do it. I can imagine a young person like the daughter thinking that it wasn't inappropriate, but the husband? That is definitely odd zoom.

    Condolences for the loss of your cousin.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  3. WillowTree
    Online

    WillowTree Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2008
    Messages:
    68,193
    Thanks Received:
    10,175
    Trophy Points:
    2,030
    Ratings:
    +14,770







    Maybe Joan would have wanted it that way. Death, Wedding, Dancing, all a part of living. Rest in peace Joan. Fifty seven is way to young to die. My mom was 57 when she died too, of lung cancer. Sorry for your loss Zoom.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  4. Big Black Dog
    Offline

    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2009
    Messages:
    22,927
    Thanks Received:
    5,114
    Trophy Points:
    260
    Ratings:
    +5,749
    Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Me, I think I would have stayed home. BTW, regrets for your loss.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  5. California Girl
    Offline

    California Girl BANNED

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2009
    Messages:
    50,337
    Thanks Received:
    8,960
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +8,965
    I think it depends on a few things. Firstly, I assume they had known and come to terms with her death before she actually died. Also, depending on the kind of person she was, maybe they felt that was the best way to honor her. Perhaps she would have wanted them to go and put the trauma behind them for a few short hours.

    Also, it depends on whether they have a faith or not. I kinda think that death is somewhat easier for those of us who follow a faith. We don't see it as the end, just a stage. And, you believe you will meet again.

    Also... I guess if she was suffering and in pain, they may view death as a release - doesn't mean they're not grieving, just not in the way you feel is appropriate.

    We tend to have 'wakes' for the dead - and it's a celebration of life, not a mourning. I kinda like that. I want people to laugh at my funeral and party hard afterwards.

    It's hard to judge how anyone should react to death.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2010
  6. xotoxi
    Offline

    xotoxi Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2009
    Messages:
    30,322
    Thanks Received:
    5,203
    Trophy Points:
    1,110
    Location:
    your mother
    Ratings:
    +5,492
    Sounds great to me. As Joan had had a slow deterioration from cancer, the family likely had a long time to grieve prior to her death, and had come to grips with her mortality.

    Additionally, going to a wedding and spending time with friends is far more healthy than sitting home and festering about a loved-one's death that you have no control over.

    And who's to say that she didn't go into the bathroom and cry between dances.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  7. strollingbones
    Offline

    strollingbones Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2008
    Messages:
    65,657
    Thanks Received:
    15,627
    Trophy Points:
    2,190
    Location:
    chicken farm
    Ratings:
    +31,973
    why should she be in mourning.....cancer is horrible...by the time someone passes the family is normally more than ready for it to be over..and why do christians mourn anyway? cause arent you going to heaven...maybe she was celebrating her mom being in heaven...why the need to mention that she is adopted? does that lesser her as a family member?

    i dont think sarah is the one with issues
     
  8. Zoom-boing
    Offline

    Zoom-boing Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2008
    Messages:
    25,071
    Thanks Received:
    7,261
    Trophy Points:
    260
    Location:
    East Japip
    Ratings:
    +10,130
    Thanks for your replies everyone. I did think that maybe they talked about it prior and Joan insisted that they go. They were planning on going earlier last week. Suppose Joan had waited another 15 hours and died while they were at the wedding? I get the wanting to be around other people part and it was his niece's wedding so all of his family would be there. BUT . . . . their daughter having a wonderful time dancing? Who the hell has a wonderful time 14 hours after their mom dies? It makes me sad.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 2
  9. Baruch Menachem
    Offline

    Baruch Menachem '

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2008
    Messages:
    14,204
    Thanks Received:
    3,235
    Trophy Points:
    185
    Ratings:
    +3,305
    Your obligations to the living are greater than your obligations to the dead. And really, your obligations to the dead are obligations to the living relations. So she should grieve with her relatives who hurt, but she should help her friend celebrate the wedding as well. And not bring any baggage with her.
     
  10. hjmick
    Offline

    hjmick Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2007
    Messages:
    16,181
    Thanks Received:
    4,680
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Location:
    Charleston, SC
    Ratings:
    +7,124
    I went to work the day after my dad died.
     

Share This Page