Is modern marriage obsolete?

Discussion in 'Health and Lifestyle' started by actsnoblemartin, Jun 28, 2009.

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is modern marriage outdated

  1. yes it is outdated

    30.0%
  2. no it is still a sacred institution

    70.0%
  1. actsnoblemartin
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    actsnoblemartin I love Andrea & April

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    On marriage: Let’s call the whole thing off - TODAY: Relationships

    With nearly half of all marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce, why do we still insist on tying the knot? As she ends her 20-year marriage, The Atlantic contributor Sandra Tsing Loh posits that the idea of lifelong wedded bliss has become obsolete

    Sadly, and to my horror, I am divorcing. This was a 20-year partnership. My husband is a good man, though he did travel 20 weeks a year for work. I am a 47-year-old woman whose commitment to monogamy, at the very end, came unglued. This turn of events was a surprise. I don’t generally even enjoy men; I had an entirely manageable life and planned to go to my grave taking with me, as I do most nights to my bed, a glass of merlot and a good book. Cataclysmically changed, I disclosed everything. We cried, we bewailed the fate of our children.

    And yet at the end of the day — literally during a five o’clock counseling appointment, as the golden late-afternoon sunlight spilled over the wall of Balinese masks — when given the final choice by our longtime family therapist, who stands in as our shaman, mother, or priest, I realized … no. Heart-shattering as this moment was — a gravestone sunk down on two decades of history — I would not be able to replace the romantic memory of my fellow transgressor with the more suitable image of my husband, which is what it would take in modern-therapy terms to knit our family’s domestic construct back together. In women’s-magazine parlance, I did not have the strength to “work on” falling in love again in my marriage. And as Laura Kipnis railed in “Against Love,” and as everyone knows, good relationships take work.
     
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  2. JBeukema
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    JBeukema BANNED

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    I find the poll options to be heavily loaded.

    Is modern marriage 'obsolete'? Define obsolescence as it related to interpersonal relationships, the conditions of those relationships, social recognition of such interpersonal relations and legal benefits and protections associated with such relationships.
     
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  3. AVG-JOE
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    AVG-JOE American Mutt Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    I can tell you that the paperwork for it is necessary. Fewer and fewer states are recognizing common law marriage. Without the official license and certificate that follows, you risk not collecting your due Social Security spouse benefits. The good news is that 10 years of marriage, with the proper paperwork, can result in benefits even if the marriage ended in divorce.

    -Joe
     
  4. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    You should probably add
    ___ It's on life support
     
  5. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    Unrequited optimism, perhaps?

    The idea remains fresh (and as unlikely) as it ever was, I think.

    I know that feeling

    Good men and good women divorce, too.

    That's usually when it happens.

    It usually is..to the infidel and to the cockhold, too.

    A common enough sotto voce reality, I suspect.

    It's especially frustrating when even you disover that your diminished expectations aren't diminished enough, isn't it?

    Love often dies hard.

    Yup...that's how it usually happens...the end of passion is followed by a dispassionate revelation that passion ended a long long time ago.

    Why are we surprised by the revelation?


    Given enough time, your romantic transgressor would have been reduced to a glass of Merlot and good book, too.

    Neither your husband nor your romantic conspirator were ever really charge of who you are.


    Modern family therapy is an exercise in futility if its goal is to keep marriages together. If its goal is to wake people up to who they really, it has a remote chance of being useful.


    If there is any source of disinformation that is screwing women up, it has GOT TO BE woman's magazines.

    Between their affection for emotional pornography, and their articles designed to confuse women into thinking that the problem can be solved by changing wardrobes (beause all men are, they insist, hopeless sex slaves and dogs that are easily manipulated by sex) there is no worse source of information for women in the world (except maybe most religions)



    Good relationships don't take any work at all. I've had scores of those.

    Bad relationships are the ones that take work to keep going. Ironically, they ALL started out as easily maintained good relationships

    Women seem to think that men aren't in touch with their feelings and that may be true, I really can't know since I'm a heterosexual male.

    But I think most women are far too often in touch with feelings that aren't really real.

    They're not in love, they're in love with the idea of being in love.

    They're been fed such a load of blather about enduringly forever love that they're confused that they aren't happily ever after.

    The things that seem to confuse all of us is the difference (if there really are differences) between love and lust and affection.

    Incidently, I don't think I have any answers because I am highly dubious there ARE any answers.

    There is only what we have now, at the moment.

    So cherish what you have while you have it. Its a gift you have TODAY.

    Tomorrow is promised to nobody, folks.
     
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    Last edited: Jun 28, 2009
  6. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    OMG..... You actually think that women have cornered the market on thinking that sex is love?
     
  7. Ravi
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    Ravi Diamond Member

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    The articles are also designed to confuse women into thinking they have no value if they aren't perfect. I HATE women's magazines and have told my daughter over they are nothing but lies designed to make people feel like shit so they'll spend money. No doubt men's magazines are the same.
     
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  8. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    OMG! No.
     
  9. Douger
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    Douger BANNED

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    As long as there are divorce attorneys, it will always be the $$$ame.
     
  10. Skull Pilot
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    Skull Pilot Platinum Member

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    Personally, I think marriage is a way of deepening a relationship.

    My wife and I met after we were both divorced. I said I would never get married again and she was cool with that. We were together for 7 years, living together for 5 years when I asked her to marry me.

    Needless to say she was shocked and it was the best thing I ever did.

    We have a much deeper connection now than we did before we were married. We might have had that anyway but I really love being married to her and it really has made our lives richer and more fulfilling.

    BTW it was a civil service we don't do religion and the whole God thing is not necessary for a marriage to be considered sacred.
     

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