I Just Spoke to God.... Errr... That is to say... HE just spoke to me. First let me be clear. He spoke to me. He gave me no instructions to tell y'all shit. I'm not writing this to try to influence anyone or suggest that I have some sort of "in" with God that any and every one of you doesn't also have. I just think it's a neat story and I want to share. God got my attention by pointing out the good in something bad that happened to me. June 16, 2010, 0400 hours: Average Margo wakes me from a damn fine sleep, but not for any of the good reasons that I've been awakened at 0400 for. She ended my dreams because I was managing to sleep through our whole house shaking and loudly going BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! It was the expandable room in average House trying to expand beyond as biggest as it goes because of a short circuit in a fancy control panel that some idiot engineered the house to have installed right beneath the 'fridge. With it's ice maker and condenser coils. That rely on cheap plastic tubing to drain condensation. In Florida of all places. Whenever the motor that opens and closes the room runs, there is a warning buzzer that loudly goes BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I say 'idiot' not because some idiot decided for all of us that warning buzzers were required for rooms that expand - that actually seems like a reasonable idea, safety considerations and all. I say idiot because I live in a 10 year old motor home and any idiot should have known that installing several pieces of electrical panels that look like shit you would find in a computer under a cooling unit with an ice maker, especially in Florida, was a stupid thing to do. Now it's 4 o'clock in the morning and I'm outside in the mosquitoes with no coffee looking for a fuse to pull while my house screams BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Of course, it'll last the warranty period - too bad it's not built to outlast the mortgage. I had a bad night. Shit happens. Why ME, Lord? Any-hoo... back to my coffee and conversation with God. As I was saying, God got my attention by showing me the good in a bad thing. The bad thing was being awakened at 0400 for all the wrong reasons. How it could have been worse. As given to average Joe by average God: 3. The short could have caused the room to contract instead of attempt further expansion and my guitar would have been kindling for the next campfire instead of entertainment. 2. It could have happened at 1600 hours with nobody home and had time to break something mechanical in the process. And the number one way in which it could have been worse: It could have silently shorted and simply not worked when the next hurricane came roaring through. If the expanded rooms in a motor home can't contract because a fried part is a week out with next-day air, that motor home is a sitting duck that does NOT float. The best part about living in a motor home in Florida is the money you save on being able to drive your house out of the way of storms. Or..... Maybe I'm just a lucky guy who hears voices. I still believe that The Bible is not much more than a collection of stories in the various levels of imagination and story telling skills that humans are capable of. If God actually IS, and He not only took the time to hand me a bad night just to save my ass, but then went on explain it to me, He simply must be bigger than ALL the stories combined that thus far survive a history such as ours, including the three most popular surviving collections of stories: Judaism, Islam and Christianity.