I am a confused guy..some woman please tell me what's going on?

[bodecea]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

Because many men think they can put their hands whereever they want.

 

[bodecea]

I just don't get it..some girl please explain it to me..

"girl"? So you want those females under 18 only to explain it to you?

 

[Wyatt earp]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

It's something they finally no longer feel that victims should be quiet about. Think back to the 60's. Blacks and minorities had been treated like shit for decades. But as one stood up and then another and another those stories of racism came out and people were called out. Same a couple decades ago with homosexuals. They started calling out those that harrassed and hurt them because of their sex choice. Now that time has come for sexual harrassment. Those sick fucks who sexually assault women and children like Spacey and Moore are getting called out.
I mean we've got all this evidence, people caught on audio saying that's what they do, people in pictures, people banned from malls and signing children's yearbooks, and a few actually admitting that's what they did. Yet people will still sit there and attack the victims. No crap there's not much good that comes from coming out. There's a lot of sick perverts out there. This is just backing up what sexual violence statistics have been telling us for decades. Just now there is less anonymity and people are having to answer for their actions. That's great I think. Keep those sick twisted fucks answering for what they did. Don't force yourself into silence about what they did to you.

Damn I am glad I made this thread..i am a conservative and all..

 

[Rocko]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

Why are you pretending to be confused?

It's no pretending because I am confused.

Please. Listen to he women who are explaining it to you. Don’t dismiss their comments out of hand. They are telling you the truth.

I’m pretty sure not all of them are telling the truth

 

[Syriusly]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

So you aren't a girl- and you have never spoken with any women before.

My wife can tell great stories of how she was harrassed while working in restaurants- from managers coming on to her, to coworkers grabbing her as she went by. Some she confronted (when she was 16 years old and her first restaurant job- and the manager grabbed her- she announced it in the middle of the restaurant before she walked out)- some she let slide- because she needed the paycheck.

My sister has had similar experiences.

I am hoping that my daughter never does.

And that is what this is all about.

 

[Wyatt earp]

I just don't get it..some girl please explain it to me..

"girl"? So you want those females under 18 only to explain it to you?

Don't even try me girl/mamn/mrs/misses today.. this is getting very disgusting..

 

[Slash]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

It's something they finally no longer feel that victims should be quiet about. Think back to the 60's. Blacks and minorities had been treated like shit for decades. But as one stood up and then another and another those stories of racism came out and people were called out. Same a couple decades ago with homosexuals. They started calling out those that harrassed and hurt them because of their sex choice. Now that time has come for sexual harrassment. Those sick fucks who sexually assault women and children like Spacey and Moore are getting called out.
I mean we've got all this evidence, people caught on audio saying that's what they do, people in pictures, people banned from malls and signing children's yearbooks, and a few actually admitting that's what they did. Yet people will still sit there and attack the victims. No crap there's not much good that comes from coming out. There's a lot of sick perverts out there. This is just backing up what sexual violence statistics have been telling us for decades. Just now there is less anonymity and people are having to answer for their actions. That's great I think. Keep those sick twisted fucks answering for what they did. Don't force yourself into silence about what they did to you.

Damn I am glad I made this thread..i am a conservative and all..

Me too. But I hate... I mean with all my heart HATE pedophiles. And yes, we have a very very high level of evidence to convict in the court system and for good reason. But just because the courts say Ray Rice never assaulted his fiance, and OJ Simpson was a loving husband, doesn't mean I have to be gullible enough to believe it.

Sexual assault isn't political to me. I don't care what party you come from, or support, if you want to touch little kids, I truly hope there is a special place in hell reserved just for you.

 

[Slash]

I’m pretty sure not all of them are telling the truth

Maybe. We've seen that found out before. Who was that senator who was set up? Some blog website paid prostitutes to say he raped them. Mendez or something. Anyways we see what happens in those situations. Stuff doesn't follow. Circumstantial evidence doesn't make sense. There's not anything else popping up to confirm it, and if anything, stuff contradicts it.

But in the real ones, it's not just a person saying that, but then we hear others agreeing. People in towns saying "yes it was the worst kept secret that he liked them young" or unrelated security guards saying "yeah I remember him, we banned him from a mall because he tried to hit on children".

And the dam usually falls apart. Once that trickle goes, when it's a real accusation, these sick people tend not to just do it once. Others feel empowered now to tell their story and lend their support to a person who went through that same thing.

And people will regard them as their hero's. We see that all the time. "there's no way Bill Cosby could have done that, he's such a good guy". And they will stick their heads in the sand and plug their ears and yell and try to do whatever it is they do to sleep at night knowing they are supporting someone like that.

 

[Wyatt earp]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

So you aren't a girl- and you have never spoken with any women before.

My wife can tell great stories of how she was harrassed while working in restaurants- from managers coming on to her, to coworkers grabbing her as she went by. Some she confronted (when she was 16 years old and her first restaurant job- and the manager grabbed her- she announced it in the middle of the restaurant before she walked out)- some she let slide- because she needed the paycheck.

My sister has had similar experiences.

I am hoping that my daughter never does.

And that is what this is all about.

Not in depth like this, I never ask a girl this question before..

I remember when I was like 16 years old working at Arbys in the mall and three girls came running in saying they were being harassed by a bunch of thugs, I threw down my hat and said wait here I will take care of them..

I ran out the store and confronted them I whent right to the leader of the pack and I took him on..

I was waiting for a punch so I can knocked him on his ass..

The punch never came and I look behind me from wall to wall was a row of guys with their arms crossed ..

That's why they never threw a punch and the security guards came.

 

[Lysistrata]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

All men are not like you. All men did not have your parents who taught you how to behave in this world. So many men have had parents who did not teach them well. Some men were raised in bars by male and female parents who had no values and just, pardon me, just screwed each other with no thought of parenthood, family, values. Some were raised in decent homes and taught moral values.
Look at how many people on this message board alone who refer to female persons as B's, C's, and female genitalia as "P." Many men in the U.S. were not raised in good homes and have never been taught values. I can only assume that their fathers and mothers were failures as parents.

 

[Wyatt earp]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

Because many men think they can put their hands whereever they want.

That's not right.

 

[emilynghiem]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

Dear bear513
I am in an ongoing argument RIGHT NOW with a friend of mine
over whether he was pressuring me inappropriately
or whether as he claims, that "I" was the one hinting and hitting on him nonverbally.
He insisted that when I left some clothes at his place,
this included "dirty panties" and thus was some kind of hint
that I wanted him to hit on me, and that's why he kept insisting
and insisting even though I was saying no I have a boyfriend and not interested in that kind of relationship.

Some people like this friend of mine actually think in terms
of women as objects and everything is about what they want regardless of the woman's feelings or consent. They project what they think the woman is really saying or meaning
and that somehow justifies their response "because the woman was ASKING FOR IT"
(Another thing I noticed about this friend's perception of basing everything on the man's perspective: when he talked about rape and why abortion might be called for in some cases, he described it as the man spewing HIS load inside the woman's [body parts]. It wasn't about the man assaulting the WOMAN as if she mattered as a person, but her [body parts] were just an inanimate object where it was all about the MAN ejaculating HIS SPERM into "that thing." )

This helped me understand the MINDSET of someone who doesn't see or respect the woman as an equal person, but it's all about the MAN and everyone else is secondary to that like an object. Relationships don't matter, but what the MAN wants and how other people either serve that interest or don't.

I'm sure that women who have a similar self-serving or narcissistic personality type
also make everything about THEM and other people just serve THEIR interest or not.

But since you are talking about "men being sexist" or treating women as sex objects,
in this case I am talking about the mindset of men who think this way, because
my friend is like that and I am struggling to work with him anyway.

I still have YET to resolve this issue with my friend
who only sees things his way, and he's sure he's right
and someone I am changing or denying or not telling the truth, etc.

My consent, what I say MEANS NOTHING, it's HIS take on it that's true.

Some people are just stuck in their own thinking
and are so sure they are right and the other person's statements are invalid.

So once people overrule and just don't consider what the other person feels or says,
then that's how these other situations can happen.

As for why is all this SUDDENLYcoming out now?

It seems to be a progression.
The Cosby cases started coming out because some man made a crack at Cosby
on the comedy stage and made it safe to talk about. And by the time it was safe,
then women started all coming out and they made it safe for others to come out.

The Stanford rape case went WORLDWIDE with the raped woman in that
case making such a detailed personal statement on what the rape did to her and her life,
that advocates were able to organize support behind her, and push to remove the judge
who gave leniency to the man convicted of rape who only got 6 months while this
young woman was looking at months of deep damage and recovery and years afterwards to fully recover if ever.

Then the fact that rape accusations came out on both sides of the Trump and Clinton campaigns,
I think this really primed the audience to prepare for more and more dirt to come out
to "feed the sharks" once there was 'blood in the water.'

So once the dirt fest started, somewhere in there, the leaks from Hollywood
came out (also attributed to Weinstein losing financial monopoly type power to buy silence)
and once THOSE CELEBRITIES came out and were accepted and applauded instead of attacked,
then these other women felt braver to come out without the same fear of being attacked.

I also want to throw in some credit to people like TRISH MEILI
the Central Park jogger who not only recovered from a rape assault that
nearly killed her and required years of extensive therapy,
but became an author and speaker to help others make the most of
their lives and not get held back by fear of the impossible.

So a combination of all these people coming out with their stories
have "primed" the media and public to start doing the opposite
and EXPECTING TO BELIEVE the women and not blame the victims
as a shortcut to avoiding responsibility for addressing the causes of these problems
with rape, assault, harassment, and legal coverups for convenience or for politics.

It's been a progression, and every person who contributed to REFUSING
to be silenced has helped open the door for the next person to speak out.

The next barriers to go are
to admit the LEGAL abuse and POLITICAL abuse across the board
instead of just outting cases for more of the same political gains
and what I'd really really like to see:
to publicize the healing and cure for people with these
disorders or conflicts that cause them to abuse oppress
bully or harass others.
When the MEN can come out with SOLUTIONS to the problems
then we'll really have made progress to doing something to stop the abuse
by addressing the causes, and not expecting a quick overnight solution.

bear513 the pattern in these cases of abuse and addiction
is that these problems have been carried from previous generations.
So that's why it takes generations for these things to surface
and come out in the open. Some of the preparation to get to this point
came from the movement around the 80s where the stages of the grief process came out, the
co-dependency addiction recovery, the 12 step and other therapy
came out in the open, and people first started talking about issues instead of hiding them.

That's where people started talking more openly about
sexual abuse that has always been going on historically
but just wasn't discussed in families much less in public.

If you look back you can see the progression over time.

One added benefit from the LGBT movement is talking openly about sex in general,
including abuse. So as we get used to that openness, not only
do we see how the victims are more able to express their experiences openly,
but eventually we will be ready to hear about what it takes
for the offenders, perpetrators and predators to address
their problems and what it takes THEM to recover as well!

I really hope that the people WHO HAVE ADMITTED they need and are getting help,
such as Weinstein and Louis CK, open the door for other men to get help
and not wait too late as they did where it hurt too many people
and cost them and their families more pain and suffering as well.

There is a doctor in Texas who got caught with child porn
and has a chance of recovery from his addiction since he hadn't
acted on it with anyone physically. He just had the addiction and
got in legal trouble that counts as a felony, but is getting treatment
and has a higher chance of success at returning to a normal life after he serves time
for the felonious files found on his computers.

If we can work with the men who can recover successfully,
then the more severe cases can either be corrected or prevented.

So there is a curve here, and that's why you see cases coming
out that were happening but just weren't discussed openly until now.

People just weren't ready to face the full responsiblity and process
of what it takes to fully address and resolve the causes of these abuses.

I hope every girl comes out and starts saying something, because now I am understanding, I can't do anything unless I know their is a problem...

Believe me bear513 if you tell women that you date
you want to make sure you don't misunderstand,
and you ask: can I do this would you like to do that, is this okay?
Is something wrong? Will you tell me if I make you feel bad or you don't feel right about something?

You will have women all over you!

the hardest type of people to deal with are those who are used to abuse.
Some have come to expect it.
So when you start asking them to talk and you'll listen
you have a chance to get ppl to open up and share what makes them uncomfortable and why.
And you just listen like any good friend would.
And say well if I ever do anything that triggers those memories
or makes you feel uncomfortable, please let me know.
And just apologize if mistakes are made that weren't intended

You'll have friends for life, and especially with romantic relations
you need to be able to talk about and share everything, past and present.
Becaus eyou are going to be challenged in your relations and marriage.
You will have to be able to be transparent and be able to deal with
conflicts and mistakes when they occur. Even ppl married for 20-30 years
make huge mistakes in communicating and "assumed the other person would know"
but they didn't. it happens to the best of people. we aren't perfect.
Even when we think we can talk and share everything, mistakes and assumptions
get made, misunderstandings that are sometimes unbelieblly obvious.
In hindsight. Those happen among the best of friends.

So just ask, make it clear you are open to listen
and the rest will work itself out. If people come with baggage
having an open ear with someone who won't judge them for bad situations they got into
will open the door for them to pour their hearts and minds out to you.

You will have friends for life, and out of those relations
you will find the right partner for you who you can share with
to this same degree. I believe in total transparency
and it helps heal and open up all relations to get rid
of fear of judgment and attacks and defenses.

With the right people the barriers will come down.
When you act as a safe person, people will sense that and open up to you.

Thank you bear513
I'm sure you will do quite well in your relations.
If people are abusive, you are better off that you haven't been caught
in such a relationship. so better to be alone and wait until you find
the right relations, than go jump into someone else's messes.

Be transparent, forgiving and compassionate.
And you will attract the same!

 

[aaronleland]

I was raised to treat women with respect

Booooooo!

 

[emilynghiem]

BTW bear513 the best approach I learned to getting to know people flaws and all,
is to address each person as an individual whether male or female or whatever outward category
we label each other. And remember each person is influenced by their relations
with their Mother and Father.

When I ask people about their family or past relations
that pretty much tells me where they are coming from
and where they are in the process of getting where they need to be.

if they are stuck in conflict fear and unforgiveness
toward people in their past they haven't resolved issues with yet
that's what i mean that abused people can drag you into their drama
they will inevitably project the same stuckness onto you

that doesn' tmean to avoid relating to them
these people tend to need friends and healing support even more
but it means don't take it personally and don't judge
or you can get caught in the same problems they are bringing with them

So just be careful when you know someone still has wounds that need healing

the patterns people tend to project from their parents family and past relations:
1. daddy issues with fathers or other male/authority figures
tend to express themselves as control issues,
problems with fighting against authority,
either depending too much on govt or other leaders to act as parents or authority
or fear of being oppressed, and wanting to reject rebel or even attack such figures

This surfaces especially in romantic male-female relations.
if either men or women have control issues from fathers or past romantic relations,
the amount of control games or fear of no control in relations
is like 'over compensating" for loss of control or abuses in the past.

2. mommy issues with mother or other family members
tend to manifest as communication problems.
people with good communications and close relations
with mother and family tend to communicate well with others.
I noticed people with barriers, with the need to verbally bully
or play games, have less experience or understanding how to mediate differences
and communicate through conflicts as they come up. they can be very fearful
of confrontations and expect fights and either start them in advance or avoid them.

people who are used to communicating and dealing with conflicts
and different personalities don't have as much fear or baggage to block them.

so bear513 when you are getting to know people
jsut remember they are connected to two parents
and some of their patterning or conditioning will be influenced by that
regardless who they are and how they are.

this makes it safe to talk about race or culture or anything unique
to that person, as an individual, and doesn't have to mean a generalized
stereotype about all women, all blacks, all people with a troubled background.
each person has their own path, and you can map it out by how they
have worked through their past relationships and grown from the conflicts or setbacks they overcame.

Everyone has a unique story and blueprint to where they came from
and where they are going in life.

So just be a good friend, who listens and tries to understand each person.
Then your questions about what is going on with women, or with men,
will be answered but each person speaking from their own experiences,
and it will be different for each one. The common patterns I have seen
are "communication" abilities tend to track back to maternal and family relations,
and "control" or perceptions of power in relationships tend to reflect
paternal relations that resurface in our romantic relations when male and female
roles and energies are trying to work together without competing or conflicting
but partnering in harmony. When we get these relations in order, on a local
level one on one, then collectively we will see better relations between
church and state, people and government, left and right that are struggling
"collectively" to restore harmonious partnerships and not just bullying for control and power.

We start locally and our society will reflect this globally.

Thanks for asking and seeking to understand and listen.

What you are asking about is also the problem with all relations
where power has been abused for convenience. I know families
that had to forgive incestuous type abuse because the families
depended on the fathers financially, so they couldn't afford to
press charges and put the men in jail. They had to resolve the
abuses and restore good family relations in order to keep it together.

When families don't really resolve that, but just "bury" it and pretend it didn't happen,
that's when it eventually blows up in their faces. The members fight over trying to
keep it hushed up or accuse the victims of lying. That's worse than coming out
with the truth and dealing with it, even if charges aren't pressed and the family works it out
themselves.

It takes a lot of work to truly deal and heal of abuses.
So thanks against for asking and listening.
That's exactly what it takes, and as we make it safer to do so,
then we have a chance to heal all relations around us
which have suffered from abuse. It's not okay to do that,
but it's been so prevalent in our culture, it's like trying to get rid of the causes
of crime and war. We start locally and that's how we change society collectively.

Take care have a good week!
And enjoy making the most of all your relationships.
You are like a pebble hitting the water, where all the good
vibes and energy you invest creates a ripple effect
and inspires the same in others around you.
Love and hugs from Houston,
Yours truly, Emily

 

[Wyatt earp]

BTW bear513 the best approach I learned to getting to know people flaws and all,
is to address each person as an individual whether male or female or whatever outward category
we label each other. And remember each person is influenced by their relations
with their Mother and Father.

When I ask people about their family or past relations
that pretty much tells me where they are coming from
and where they are in the process of getting where they need to be.

if they are stuck in conflict fear and unforgiveness
toward people in their past they haven't resolved issues with yet
that's what i mean that abused people can drag you into their drama
they will inevitably project the same stuckness onto you

that doesn' tmean to avoid relating to them
these people tend to need friends and healing support even more
but it means don't take it personally and don't judge
or you can get caught in the same problems they are bringing with them

So just be careful when you know someone still has wounds that need healing

the patterns people tend to project from their parents family and past relations:
1. daddy issues with fathers or other male/authority figures
tend to express themselves as control issues,
problems with fighting against authority,
either depending too much on govt or other leaders to act as parents or authority
or fear of being oppressed, and wanting to reject rebel or even attack such figures

This surfaces especially in romantic male-female relations.
if either men or women have control issues from fathers or past romantic relations,
the amount of control games or fear of no control in relations
is like 'over compensating" for loss of control or abuses in the past.

2. mommy issues with mother or other family members
tend to manifest as communication problems.
people with good communications and close relations
with mother and family tend to communicate well with others.
I noticed people with barriers, with the need to verbally bully
or play games, have less experience or understanding how to mediate differences
and communicate through conflicts as they come up. they can be very fearful
of confrontations and expect fights and either start them in advance or avoid them.

people who are used to communicating and dealing with conflicts
and different personalities don't have as much fear or baggage to block them.

so bear513 when you are getting to know people
jsut remember they are connected to two parents
and some of their patterning or conditioning will be influenced by that
regardless who they are and how they are.

this makes it safe to talk about race or culture or anything unique
to that person, as an individual, and doesn't have to mean a generalized
stereotype about all women, all blacks, all people with a troubled background.
each person has their own path, and you can map it out by how they
have worked through their past relationships and grown from the conflicts or setbacks they overcame.

Everyone has a unique story and blueprint to where they came from
and where they are going in life.

So just be a good friend, who listens and tries to understand each person.
Then your questions about what is going on with women, or with men,
will be answered but each person speaking from their own experiences,
and it will be different for each one. The common patterns I have seen
are "communication" abilities tend to track back to maternal and family relations,
and "control" or perceptions of power in relationships tend to reflect
paternal relations that resurface in our romantic relations when male and female
roles and energies are trying to work together without competing or conflicting
but partnering in harmony. When we get these relations in order, on a local
level one on one, then collectively we will see better relations between
church and state, people and government, left and right that are struggling
"collectively" to restore harmonious partnerships and not just bullying for control and power.

We start locally and our society will reflect this globally.

Thanks for asking and seeking to understand and listen.

What you are asking about is also the problem with all relations
where power has been abused for convenience. I know families
that had to forgive incestuous type abuse because the families
depended on the fathers financially, so they couldn't afford to
press charges and put the men in jail. They had to resolve the
abuses and restore good family relations in order to keep it together.

When families don't really resolve that, but just "bury" it and pretend it didn't happen,
that's when it eventually blows up in their faces. The members fight over trying to
keep it hushed up or accuse the victims of lying. That's worse than coming out
with the truth and dealing with it, even if charges aren't pressed and the family works it out
themselves.

It takes a lot of work to truly deal and heal of abuses.
So thanks against for asking and listening.
That's exactly what it takes, and as we make it safer to do so,
then we have a chance to heal all relations around us
which have suffered from abuse. It's not okay to do that,
but it's been so prevalent in our culture, it's like trying to get rid of the causes
of crime and war. We start locally and that's how we change society collectively.

Take care have a good week!
And enjoy making the most of all your relationships.
You are like a pebble hitting the water, where all the good
vibes and energy you invest creates a ripple effect
and inspires the same in others around you.
Love and hugs from Houston,
Yours truly, Emily

Thanks Emily you must be a physiologist or something..i always read your post ..

 

[emilynghiem]

BTW bear513 the best approach I learned to getting to know people flaws and all,
is to address each person as an individual whether male or female or whatever outward category
we label each other. And remember each person is influenced by their relations
with their Mother and Father.

When I ask people about their family or past relations
that pretty much tells me where they are coming from
and where they are in the process of getting where they need to be.

if they are stuck in conflict fear and unforgiveness
toward people in their past they haven't resolved issues with yet
that's what i mean that abused people can drag you into their drama
they will inevitably project the same stuckness onto you

that doesn' tmean to avoid relating to them
these people tend to need friends and healing support even more
but it means don't take it personally and don't judge
or you can get caught in the same problems they are bringing with them

So just be careful when you know someone still has wounds that need healing

the patterns people tend to project from their parents family and past relations:
1. daddy issues with fathers or other male/authority figures
tend to express themselves as control issues,
problems with fighting against authority,
either depending too much on govt or other leaders to act as parents or authority
or fear of being oppressed, and wanting to reject rebel or even attack such figures

This surfaces especially in romantic male-female relations.
if either men or women have control issues from fathers or past romantic relations,
the amount of control games or fear of no control in relations
is like 'over compensating" for loss of control or abuses in the past.

2. mommy issues with mother or other family members
tend to manifest as communication problems.
people with good communications and close relations
with mother and family tend to communicate well with others.
I noticed people with barriers, with the need to verbally bully
or play games, have less experience or understanding how to mediate differences
and communicate through conflicts as they come up. they can be very fearful
of confrontations and expect fights and either start them in advance or avoid them.

people who are used to communicating and dealing with conflicts
and different personalities don't have as much fear or baggage to block them.

so bear513 when you are getting to know people
jsut remember they are connected to two parents
and some of their patterning or conditioning will be influenced by that
regardless who they are and how they are.

this makes it safe to talk about race or culture or anything unique
to that person, as an individual, and doesn't have to mean a generalized
stereotype about all women, all blacks, all people with a troubled background.
each person has their own path, and you can map it out by how they
have worked through their past relationships and grown from the conflicts or setbacks they overcame.

Everyone has a unique story and blueprint to where they came from
and where they are going in life.

So just be a good friend, who listens and tries to understand each person.
Then your questions about what is going on with women, or with men,
will be answered but each person speaking from their own experiences,
and it will be different for each one. The common patterns I have seen
are "communication" abilities tend to track back to maternal and family relations,
and "control" or perceptions of power in relationships tend to reflect
paternal relations that resurface in our romantic relations when male and female
roles and energies are trying to work together without competing or conflicting
but partnering in harmony. When we get these relations in order, on a local
level one on one, then collectively we will see better relations between
church and state, people and government, left and right that are struggling
"collectively" to restore harmonious partnerships and not just bullying for control and power.

We start locally and our society will reflect this globally.

Thanks for asking and seeking to understand and listen.

What you are asking about is also the problem with all relations
where power has been abused for convenience. I know families
that had to forgive incestuous type abuse because the families
depended on the fathers financially, so they couldn't afford to
press charges and put the men in jail. They had to resolve the
abuses and restore good family relations in order to keep it together.

When families don't really resolve that, but just "bury" it and pretend it didn't happen,
that's when it eventually blows up in their faces. The members fight over trying to
keep it hushed up or accuse the victims of lying. That's worse than coming out
with the truth and dealing with it, even if charges aren't pressed and the family works it out
themselves.

It takes a lot of work to truly deal and heal of abuses.
So thanks against for asking and listening.
That's exactly what it takes, and as we make it safer to do so,
then we have a chance to heal all relations around us
which have suffered from abuse. It's not okay to do that,
but it's been so prevalent in our culture, it's like trying to get rid of the causes
of crime and war. We start locally and that's how we change society collectively.

Take care have a good week!
And enjoy making the most of all your relationships.
You are like a pebble hitting the water, where all the good
vibes and energy you invest creates a ripple effect
and inspires the same in others around you.
Love and hugs from Houston,
Yours truly, Emily

Thanks Emily you must be a physiologist or something..i always read your post ..

Thanks bear513 not everyone gets what I'm saying.
To some people I just give them a headache.
This is a lot of responsibility and goes as deep as you are willing to go.
That's why people find it easier to go with the easiest shortcut,
if it's easier to blame the victim and believe the same abuses can't ever
happen to you or someone you care about, people will do that because
they have enough to worry and focus on.

If you are asking the deeper questions, and are ready for the deeper answers.
It is as rewarding in proportion to how much you are willing to invest
and work on in your relations with others.

The relations I worked the hardest to save from abusive patterns
and stuckness, often lead to the greatest benefits.

So I was advised always "pick your battles"
We can't solve all the world's problems at once,
so just do what you can starting where you are.

If you resolve the issues that affect your closest relations around you,
then you can master the skills tools and talents you need
to take on anything else.

I'm glad you have the mind and heart for this.
We need more people like you, and the best part is,
the more you strive to be the best you can be
you encourage and uplift others around you to try that much harder
and not give up.

God bless you and grant you all the
strength and support you need, to make
the most of your plans, purpose and relations in life!
You will surely be a blessing to others
as God will bring others to you.
As it is said, ask and ye shall receive.

Keep asking, keep opening the door,
knock and the truth will be given unto you.
And the truth shall set us all free.

 

[Esmeralda]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

Dear bear513
I am in an ongoing argument RIGHT NOW with a friend of mine
over whether he was pressuring me inappropriately
or whether as he claims, that "I" was the one hinting and hitting on him nonverbally.
He insisted that when I left some clothes at his place,
this included "dirty panties" and thus was some kind of hint
that I wanted him to hit on me, and that's why he kept insisting
and insisting even though I was saying no I have a boyfriend and not interested in that kind of relationship.

Some people like this friend of mine actually think in terms
of women as objects and everything is about what they want regardless of the woman's feelings or consent. They project what they think the woman is really saying or meaning
and that somehow justifies their response "because the woman was ASKING FOR IT"
(Another thing I noticed about this friend's perception of basing everything on the man's perspective: when he talked about rape and why abortion might be called for in some cases, he described it as the man spewing HIS load inside the woman's [body parts]. It wasn't about the man assaulting the WOMAN as if she mattered as a person, but her [body parts] were just an inanimate object where it was all about the MAN ejaculating HIS SPERM into "that thing." )

This helped me understand the MINDSET of someone who doesn't see or respect the woman as an equal person, but it's all about the MAN and everyone else is secondary to that like an object. Relationships don't matter, but what the MAN wants and how other people either serve that interest or don't.

I'm sure that women who have a similar self-serving or narcissistic personality type
also make everything about THEM and other people just serve THEIR interest or not.

But since you are talking about "men being sexist" or treating women as sex objects,
in this case I am talking about the mindset of men who think this way, because
my friend is like that and I am struggling to work with him anyway.

I still have YET to resolve this issue with my friend
who only sees things his way, and he's sure he's right
and someone I am changing or denying or not telling the truth, etc.

My consent, what I say MEANS NOTHING, it's HIS take on it that's true.

Some people are just stuck in their own thinking
and are so sure they are right and the other person's statements are invalid.

So once people overrule and just don't consider what the other person feels or says,
then that's how these other situations can happen.

As for why is all this SUDDENLYcoming out now?

It seems to be a progression.
The Cosby cases started coming out because some man made a crack at Cosby
on the comedy stage and made it safe to talk about. And by the time it was safe,
then women started all coming out and they made it safe for others to come out.

The Stanford rape case went WORLDWIDE with the raped woman in that
case making such a detailed personal statement on what the rape did to her and her life,
that advocates were able to organize support behind her, and push to remove the judge
who gave leniency to the man convicted of rape who only got 6 months while this
young woman was looking at months of deep damage and recovery and years afterwards to fully recover if ever.

Then the fact that rape accusations came out on both sides of the Trump and Clinton campaigns,
I think this really primed the audience to prepare for more and more dirt to come out
to "feed the sharks" once there was 'blood in the water.'

So once the dirt fest started, somewhere in there, the leaks from Hollywood
came out (also attributed to Weinstein losing financial monopoly type power to buy silence)
and once THOSE CELEBRITIES came out and were accepted and applauded instead of attacked,
then these other women felt braver to come out without the same fear of being attacked.

I also want to throw in some credit to people like TRISH MEILI
the Central Park jogger who not only recovered from a rape assault that
nearly killed her and required years of extensive therapy,
but became an author and speaker to help others make the most of
their lives and not get held back by fear of the impossible.

So a combination of all these people coming out with their stories
have "primed" the media and public to start doing the opposite
and EXPECTING TO BELIEVE the women and not blame the victims
as a shortcut to avoiding responsibility for addressing the causes of these problems
with rape, assault, harassment, and legal coverups for convenience or for politics.

It's been a progression, and every person who contributed to REFUSING
to be silenced has helped open the door for the next person to speak out.

The next barriers to go are
to admit the LEGAL abuse and POLITICAL abuse across the board
instead of just outting cases for more of the same political gains
and what I'd really really like to see:
to publicize the healing and cure for people with these
disorders or conflicts that cause them to abuse oppress
bully or harass others.
When the MEN can come out with SOLUTIONS to the problems
then we'll really have made progress to doing something to stop the abuse
by addressing the causes, and not expecting a quick overnight solution.

bear513 the pattern in these cases of abuse and addiction
is that these problems have been carried from previous generations.
So that's why it takes generations for these things to surface
and come out in the open. Some of the preparation to get to this point
came from the movement around the 80s where the stages of the grief process came out, the
co-dependency addiction recovery, the 12 step and other therapy
came out in the open, and people first started talking about issues instead of hiding them.

That's where people started talking more openly about
sexual abuse that has always been going on historically
but just wasn't discussed in families much less in public.

If you look back you can see the progression over time.

One added benefit from the LGBT movement is talking openly about sex in general,
including abuse. So as we get used to that openness, not only
do we see how the victims are more able to express their experiences openly,
but eventually we will be ready to hear about what it takes
for the offenders, perpetrators and predators to address
their problems and what it takes THEM to recover as well!

I really hope that the people WHO HAVE ADMITTED they need and are getting help,
such as Weinstein and Louis CK, open the door for other men to get help
and not wait too late as they did where it hurt too many people
and cost them and their families more pain and suffering as well.

There is a doctor in Texas who got caught with child porn
and has a chance of recovery from his addiction since he hadn't
acted on it with anyone physically. He just had the addiction and
got in legal trouble that counts as a felony, but is getting treatment
and has a higher chance of success at returning to a normal life after he serves time
for the felonious files found on his computers.

If we can work with the men who can recover successfully,
then the more severe cases can either be corrected or prevented.

So there is a curve here, and that's why you see cases coming
out that were happening but just weren't discussed openly until now.

People just weren't ready to face the full responsiblity and process
of what it takes to fully address and resolve the causes of these abuses.

OMG He's not going to read all this

 

[emilynghiem]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

Dear bear513
I am in an ongoing argument RIGHT NOW with a friend of mine
over whether he was pressuring me inappropriately
or whether as he claims, that "I" was the one hinting and hitting on him nonverbally.
He insisted that when I left some clothes at his place,
this included "dirty panties" and thus was some kind of hint
that I wanted him to hit on me, and that's why he kept insisting
and insisting even though I was saying no I have a boyfriend and not interested in that kind of relationship.

Some people like this friend of mine actually think in terms
of women as objects and everything is about what they want regardless of the woman's feelings or consent. They project what they think the woman is really saying or meaning
and that somehow justifies their response "because the woman was ASKING FOR IT"
(Another thing I noticed about this friend's perception of basing everything on the man's perspective: when he talked about rape and why abortion might be called for in some cases, he described it as the man spewing HIS load inside the woman's [body parts]. It wasn't about the man assaulting the WOMAN as if she mattered as a person, but her [body parts] were just an inanimate object where it was all about the MAN ejaculating HIS SPERM into "that thing." )

This helped me understand the MINDSET of someone who doesn't see or respect the woman as an equal person, but it's all about the MAN and everyone else is secondary to that like an object. Relationships don't matter, but what the MAN wants and how other people either serve that interest or don't.

I'm sure that women who have a similar self-serving or narcissistic personality type
also make everything about THEM and other people just serve THEIR interest or not.

But since you are talking about "men being sexist" or treating women as sex objects,
in this case I am talking about the mindset of men who think this way, because
my friend is like that and I am struggling to work with him anyway.

I still have YET to resolve this issue with my friend
who only sees things his way, and he's sure he's right
and someone I am changing or denying or not telling the truth, etc.

My consent, what I say MEANS NOTHING, it's HIS take on it that's true.

Some people are just stuck in their own thinking
and are so sure they are right and the other person's statements are invalid.

So once people overrule and just don't consider what the other person feels or says,
then that's how these other situations can happen.

As for why is all this SUDDENLYcoming out now?

It seems to be a progression.
The Cosby cases started coming out because some man made a crack at Cosby
on the comedy stage and made it safe to talk about. And by the time it was safe,
then women started all coming out and they made it safe for others to come out.

The Stanford rape case went WORLDWIDE with the raped woman in that
case making such a detailed personal statement on what the rape did to her and her life,
that advocates were able to organize support behind her, and push to remove the judge
who gave leniency to the man convicted of rape who only got 6 months while this
young woman was looking at months of deep damage and recovery and years afterwards to fully recover if ever.

Then the fact that rape accusations came out on both sides of the Trump and Clinton campaigns,
I think this really primed the audience to prepare for more and more dirt to come out
to "feed the sharks" once there was 'blood in the water.'

So once the dirt fest started, somewhere in there, the leaks from Hollywood
came out (also attributed to Weinstein losing financial monopoly type power to buy silence)
and once THOSE CELEBRITIES came out and were accepted and applauded instead of attacked,
then these other women felt braver to come out without the same fear of being attacked.

I also want to throw in some credit to people like TRISH MEILI
the Central Park jogger who not only recovered from a rape assault that
nearly killed her and required years of extensive therapy,
but became an author and speaker to help others make the most of
their lives and not get held back by fear of the impossible.

So a combination of all these people coming out with their stories
have "primed" the media and public to start doing the opposite
and EXPECTING TO BELIEVE the women and not blame the victims
as a shortcut to avoiding responsibility for addressing the causes of these problems
with rape, assault, harassment, and legal coverups for convenience or for politics.

It's been a progression, and every person who contributed to REFUSING
to be silenced has helped open the door for the next person to speak out.

The next barriers to go are
to admit the LEGAL abuse and POLITICAL abuse across the board
instead of just outting cases for more of the same political gains
and what I'd really really like to see:
to publicize the healing and cure for people with these
disorders or conflicts that cause them to abuse oppress
bully or harass others.
When the MEN can come out with SOLUTIONS to the problems
then we'll really have made progress to doing something to stop the abuse
by addressing the causes, and not expecting a quick overnight solution.

bear513 the pattern in these cases of abuse and addiction
is that these problems have been carried from previous generations.
So that's why it takes generations for these things to surface
and come out in the open. Some of the preparation to get to this point
came from the movement around the 80s where the stages of the grief process came out, the
co-dependency addiction recovery, the 12 step and other therapy
came out in the open, and people first started talking about issues instead of hiding them.

That's where people started talking more openly about
sexual abuse that has always been going on historically
but just wasn't discussed in families much less in public.

If you look back you can see the progression over time.

One added benefit from the LGBT movement is talking openly about sex in general,
including abuse. So as we get used to that openness, not only
do we see how the victims are more able to express their experiences openly,
but eventually we will be ready to hear about what it takes
for the offenders, perpetrators and predators to address
their problems and what it takes THEM to recover as well!

I really hope that the people WHO HAVE ADMITTED they need and are getting help,
such as Weinstein and Louis CK, open the door for other men to get help
and not wait too late as they did where it hurt too many people
and cost them and their families more pain and suffering as well.

There is a doctor in Texas who got caught with child porn
and has a chance of recovery from his addiction since he hadn't
acted on it with anyone physically. He just had the addiction and
got in legal trouble that counts as a felony, but is getting treatment
and has a higher chance of success at returning to a normal life after he serves time
for the felonious files found on his computers.

If we can work with the men who can recover successfully,
then the more severe cases can either be corrected or prevented.

So there is a curve here, and that's why you see cases coming
out that were happening but just weren't discussed openly until now.

People just weren't ready to face the full responsiblity and process
of what it takes to fully address and resolve the causes of these abuses.

OMG He's not going to read all this

Hi Esmeralda
Let each person read and get what they need.

One person I posted to on another board, when he got what
I meant, didn't need to read the rest.

In that case, i was explaining how the OT was about the
letter of the law and retributive justice. and the NT was
about the spirit of the law and restorative justice.
Explaining this can go on and on in detail.

but once you get the spirit of it, that's what's important
and the rest follows.

I think bear513 gets it.
so you're right, he may not need to read it all.
I trust he will skim through the haystack
to find any needle that may be useful!

 

[LoneLaugher]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

Why are you pretending to be confused?

It's no pretending because I am confused.

Please. Listen to he women who are explaining it to you. Don’t dismiss their comments out of hand. They are telling you the truth.

I’m pretty sure not all of them are telling the truth

Yeah. Yer a freak who doesn’t want to believe them. Clear as day.

 

[Pop23]

I don't get what's going on? What the heck is with all these women accusers now a days , I believe them I just don't get it, I was raised to treat women with respect, I never went around cat calling a girl, I never touched her on her bottom, I always opened doors for a woman I didn't even know..

Why is this all in the news all of a sudden?

I don't get it..

So you aren't a girl- and you have never spoken with any women before.

My wife can tell great stories of how she was harrassed while working in restaurants- from managers coming on to her, to coworkers grabbing her as she went by. Some she confronted (when she was 16 years old and her first restaurant job- and the manager grabbed her- she announced it in the middle of the restaurant before she walked out)- some she let slide- because she needed the paycheck.

My sister has had similar experiences.

I am hoping that my daughter never does.

And that is what this is all about.

Then I’m sure she’s joining the Million Women’s march to get Franken to resign? Right?