Gnome & Troll: White House Day

Discussion in 'USMB Lounge' started by Abishai100, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. Abishai100
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    Abishai100 VIP Member

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    This is a capitalism fairy-tale inspired by the film Caddyshack.

    Signing off,



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    In a forest in Europe, there lived a goodly gnome named Alastair who used herbs to make healing medicines which he left on the doorsteps of household containing people who suffered from maladies. The grateful people wondered where the medicine was from, but since Alastair always left a note which read, "From a friend, a doctor!" the people would usually normalize the gift as a simple gift of good fortune. Alastair was 300 years old and had a white beard and large red wool cap; he also usually wore a blue shirt with belt-buckle. Alastair was a very typical ethics-conscious gnome (even though he stood at only 3 feet tall!).

    Alastair was not alone in that forest in Europe. There also lived a demonic impish creature (also 3 feet tall!) named Damas. Damas was a troll. Damas never wore shoes and always a thick grass-skirt. He had huge ears and carried a large knapsack in which he stored the remnants of dead animals he found in the forest. Damas would take these dead animal parts back to his underground lair and cook them or use them for sinister incantation rituals meant to blaspheme the glorious gifts of Mother Nature. Everything Alastair was, Damas was not. That is why Alastair shrewdly reasoned that he himself was a 'spiritual missionary' while Damas was a mischievous cannibal!

    Cannibalism is such a strange practice and even though human beings (considered the 'normal' rulers of Earth) once ate only fruits and vegetables and then hunted animals for food much later (which led to their incredible growth in size...and appetite!), human beings still consider cannibalism to be a very bizarre and 'unnatural practice.' Damas would often joke, "Tell a goat that humans fear cannibals, and he'll bleat and whine about being the 'natural target' for hunger!" Damas hated animals, humans, gnomes, and everything else under the sun. Alastair knew he would have to someday deal with Damas once and for all.

    One day, Alastair decided to lure Damas to the White House in Washington, D.C. (during an important symbolic speech given by U.S. President Donald Trump regarding the 'values' of consumerism-culture --- i.e., Wall Street). Alastair told Damas that this speech would hail a new era on Earth, one marked by mercantilism and trading of goods. Damas could not resist attending (in secret!) such a 'symbolic' event. When Damas showed up at the White House lawn (furrowing through an underground tunnel of course and poking his head out to listen to Trump!), Alastair spotted the troll, grabbed his neck, and choked him to death. As Damas died, he asked his gnome-rival, "Why do you defend Trump?" to which the valiant Alastair replied simply, "I do not despise Wall Street, Burger King, or Wimbledon!"


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