Ailes/Prof. FoX: We have to stop Barack Obama from destroying the United States. One of you mutants is going to have to take him on in 2012. Who's it gonna be?
Mitt Romney (codename "Mystique"): I'm a political shape shifter. I was for gay rights, abortion, and universal healthcare before I was against them. I can alter my appearance at will, depending on the polls.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: That's a weakness, not a strength. We need someone with core values, who stands for something...
Donald Trump (codename "Azazel"): How ya doin'? Classy lookin' joint you got here. I'm a political teleporter. I can pop in and out of the race at will. See ya!
Bamf! Trump/Azazel disappears in a burst of smoke and mirrors.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: Like I was saying, we need someone with more consistency...
Paul Ryan (codename "Wolverine"): I have razor-sharp adamantium claws I can use to slash the budget deficit -- starting with Medicare.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: But cutting Medicare scares the bedpans out of the AARP crowd. You don't have to be a mind reader to know that's never going to happen.
Ryan/Wolverine: I'm just saying maybe "death panels" aren't such a bad idea. Could help us out with Social Security, too.
Sarah Palin (codename "Mastermind"): I heard that! I have the power to cloud men's minds with illusion, you betcha. Maybe I'm running for president, maybe I'm not. Obama won't know until it's too late!
Palin/Mastermind concentrates and transforms herself into Paul Revere. Then Paul Revere's horse. Then Paul Revere's horse's ass.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: Like I was saying, consistency...
Michelle Bachmann (codename "Cyclops"): I can stare fixedly for hours in one direction without blinking. Right now I'm staring at Mastermind. There's room for only one Tea Party bimbo in this race, and that's me!
Palin/Mastermind: You bitch! You're just a pale imitation of me! You should change your codename to Copycat!
The two start rolling on the floor, biting and scratching.
Ryan/Wolverine: Bimbo fight! Bimbo fight!
Ailes/Prof. FoX: Girls! Girls! This is no way to behave! Remember, this is Fox News! Show a little decorum! We need someone who at least seems presidential!
More at the link.
Mitt Romney (codename "Mystique"): I'm a political shape shifter. I was for gay rights, abortion, and universal healthcare before I was against them. I can alter my appearance at will, depending on the polls.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: That's a weakness, not a strength. We need someone with core values, who stands for something...
Donald Trump (codename "Azazel"): How ya doin'? Classy lookin' joint you got here. I'm a political teleporter. I can pop in and out of the race at will. See ya!
Bamf! Trump/Azazel disappears in a burst of smoke and mirrors.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: Like I was saying, we need someone with more consistency...
Paul Ryan (codename "Wolverine"): I have razor-sharp adamantium claws I can use to slash the budget deficit -- starting with Medicare.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: But cutting Medicare scares the bedpans out of the AARP crowd. You don't have to be a mind reader to know that's never going to happen.
Ryan/Wolverine: I'm just saying maybe "death panels" aren't such a bad idea. Could help us out with Social Security, too.
Sarah Palin (codename "Mastermind"): I heard that! I have the power to cloud men's minds with illusion, you betcha. Maybe I'm running for president, maybe I'm not. Obama won't know until it's too late!
Palin/Mastermind concentrates and transforms herself into Paul Revere. Then Paul Revere's horse. Then Paul Revere's horse's ass.
Ailes/Prof. FoX: Like I was saying, consistency...
Michelle Bachmann (codename "Cyclops"): I can stare fixedly for hours in one direction without blinking. Right now I'm staring at Mastermind. There's room for only one Tea Party bimbo in this race, and that's me!
Palin/Mastermind: You bitch! You're just a pale imitation of me! You should change your codename to Copycat!
The two start rolling on the floor, biting and scratching.
Ryan/Wolverine: Bimbo fight! Bimbo fight!
Ailes/Prof. FoX: Girls! Girls! This is no way to behave! Remember, this is Fox News! Show a little decorum! We need someone who at least seems presidential!
More at the link.
