Forgiveness

[BDBoop]

This song sings to my rage.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMLsF8ajI6U]Apocalyptica featuring Corey Taylor - I'm Not Jesus - YouTube[/ame]

 

[Sherry]

Another hard forgive is damage done to a child, when we are now adults. When abuse fundamentally changes who you are, how you live, all your perceptions - it's hard to get past.

Also, when someone abuses your own child...I'm not sure how people get past that. I choose not to waste my time with grudges or negative emotions...the person just becomes dead to me and they take up no space in my mind or heart.

 

[BDBoop]

Another hard forgive is damage done to a child, when we are now adults. When abuse fundamentally changes who you are, how you live, all your perceptions - it's hard to get past.

Also, when someone abuses your own child...I'm not sure how people get past that. I choose not to waste my time with grudges or negative emotions...the person just becomes dead to me and they take up no space in my mind or heart.

Right. My mother was dead to me for many years before she passed. I made my peace. I saw her at the end, I lied to set her mind to rest. But if she were still on the planet, in her 'right' mind, spreading toxicity to all and sundry, we would remain in a state of no longer speaking.

 

[Caroljo]

Having a child murdered has to be the worst....this woman is very brave and loving. This would be the hardest thing to ever forgive....................Awesome woman

Forgiving Her Son's Killer: 'Not An Easy Thing' : NPR

 

[Sunshine]

IMO, forgiveness is a must. Being from KY, I have seen people go to their graves with some feud or another going on. None of them lived happy or productive lives because they were consumed with their anger and hatred.

In my profession, I see people every day who have been traumatized. Victims of violence. They cannot accept the concept of 'forgiveness' because to them it seems that would be saying the trauma was OK which it isn't. So, I don't use that term with patients. In reality, no one can live a satisfying life if they do not let go of the things they cannot change. So I talk to my patients of 'letting go' of somethng that happened to them which was wrong. Part of my teaching is that the person only victimized you one time. Each time you allow yourself to let it get in the way of your life you are victimizing yourself.

Of course, I would not encourage forgiveness along with being stupid which is what it would be if the person's 'forgiveness or letting go' merely allowed someone to victimize them repeatedly. And yes, I know 'turn the other cheek,' etc. But you do not have to allow someone to be physically or sexually violent with you over and over. That would be stupidity, not forgiveness.

I, personally, have to let go of many things on a daily basis. Otherwise the burden of carrying those things would be disabling.

 

[Wiseacre]

The ability to forgive is not as easy thing, particularly for the more horrific acts such as rape and murder. To the extent you can do it, you make your life more positive though. Carrying around hate and resentment and a desire for revenge is not the most productive use of your time and energy, in the end what good does it do you? As hard as it is, I believe you're better off if you can let it go; let go of the pain and anger you feel. It ain't gonna happen all at once, depending on the seriousness of the transgression it may never go away entirely. But I think it's worth trying on a regular basis to let go of the anger, resentment, hate, just focus on letting it all go out of your mind and body. You don't have to believe in God, just send it all to infinity like a laser beam. Wear it down, like water wearing down a rock.

And BTW, forgive yourself for your own transgressions against others too.

 

[BDBoop]

The ability to forgive is not as easy thing, particularly for the more horrific acts such as rape and murder. To the extent you can do it, you make your life more positive though. Carrying around hate and resentment and a desire for revenge is not the most productive use of your time and energy, in the end what good does it do you? As hard as it is, I believe you're better off if you can let it go; let go of the pain and anger you feel. It ain't gonna happen all at once, depending on the seriousness of the transgression it may never go away entirely. But I think it's worth trying on a regular basis to let go of the anger, resentment, hate, just focus on letting it all go out of your mind and body. You don't have to believe in God, just send it all to infinity like a laser beam. Wear it down, like water wearing down a rock.

And BTW, forgive yourself for your own transgressions against others too.

That's a harder one. Especially now that I'm older, and seeing things through the eyes of others.

 

[strollingbones]

yes, let me get out the list......pulls out list and watches it unroll across the room

hell yes...i will never forgive my mother's siblings....never

 

[Si modo]

Being the self-centered and self-serving bitch that I am, there is no one whom I am unable to forgive.

I forgive for me, for my well-being.

 

[strollingbones]

well i dont forgive for the same reason....my well being.....plus they havent ask for forgiveness either

 

[BDBoop]

I don't think people can ask forgiveness when their sense of self-preservation rests in/on denial that they did any damage.

 

[Si modo]

well i dont forgive for the same reason....my well being.....plus they havent ask for forgiveness either

See, for me, they don't have to ask.

Just because I forgive, doesn't mean I've told them that. In fact, I doubt many whom I personally forgive likely don't even know it. I've completely written them off. I make no effort to continue any contact, nor do I make any effort to avoid contact. They simply no longer occupy my thoughts or efforts.

Life is good that way.

As I said, I am quite self-serving.

 

[strollingbones]

then what is there to forgive? if a person does not realize the damage they have done......then what is there to forgive.....my comment when i was told my mother's sister was in a car wreck...."damn it was not fatal" and yes it takes a lot of energy to fuel that level of hate...

 

[strollingbones]

o they have all reached that non existent state.....i assure you....

 

[Si modo]

I don't think people can ask forgiveness when their sense of self-preservation rests in/on denial that they did any damage.

Right. Some are limited, so when I realize hoping for some insight from them is nothing but a pipe dream, I ask myself why I give them the luxury of being in my head rent-free.

Poof....gone. It's quite liberating.

 

[Immanuel]

The person that I find hardest to forgive is myself.

I can forgive everyone else, but I find it difficult to forgive myself when I do something that I know is wrong.

Immie

 

[Si modo]

The person that I find hardest to forgive is myself.

I can forgive everyone else, but I find it difficult to forgive myself when I do something that I know is wrong.

Immie

Ah, I forgot about that. Yes, that is very much a challenge for me, too.

So, I suppose my answer is yes, there is one person...me. Sometimes I get there, sometimes I don't.

I definitely need more practice.

 

[Sherry]

The person that I find hardest to forgive is myself.

I can forgive everyone else, but I find it difficult to forgive myself when I do something that I know is wrong.

Immie

Good point...I try to maintain the attitude of learning from my mistakes and not living with any regrets. Everything I've endured brought me to this point in time, and I'm grateful for that.

 

[Wiseacre]

The person that I find hardest to forgive is myself.

I can forgive everyone else, but I find it difficult to forgive myself when I do something that I know is wrong.

Immie

Ah, I forgot about that. Yes, that is very much a challenge for me, too.

So, I suppose my answer is yes, there is one person...me. Sometimes I get there, sometimes I don't.

I definitely need more practice.

Make a habit out of it. Dealing with our own mistakes is sometimes the hardest thing to do. You'll feel better about yourself, and end up a more positive person.

 

[Immanuel]

The person that I find hardest to forgive is myself.

I can forgive everyone else, but I find it difficult to forgive myself when I do something that I know is wrong.

Immie

Ah, I forgot about that. Yes, that is very much a challenge for me, too.

So, I suppose my answer is yes, there is one person...me. Sometimes I get there, sometimes I don't.

I definitely need more practice.

Make a habit out of it. Dealing with our own mistakes is sometimes the hardest thing to do. You'll feel better about yourself, and end up a more positive person.

It is not the "mistakes" that I have a problem with. It is the deliberate injustices that I sometimes commit for instance there is one poster on this... oh, forget it, I'm not even going to admit that mistake!!

Immie