Do you think it's okay..........

[Bonnie]

[bonnie voice = on]
"No thanks dear - it'd be MUCH more fun and fulfilling to kidnap Darin for a weekend...say...some place tropical?"

[/voice]

How did you know that was me :tng: ????

 

[dilloduck]

[bonnie voice = on]
"No thanks dear - it'd be MUCH more fun and fulfilling to kidnap Darin for a weekend...say...some place tropical?"

[/voice]

Even TALKING about porn will ruin you life !!!

 

[dmp]

How did you know that was me :tng: ????

Cuz I recognize my Bonnie's voice....and it's a sweet voice - New Jersey Accent and all....it's wicked-cool.

 

[Bonnie]

Cuz I recognize my Bonnie's voice....and it's a sweet voice - New Jersey Accent and all....it's wicked-cool.

LOL Hey I dont have a Jersey accent.....Really

 

[Joz]

No it doesn't

So what does it mean?
Desires CAN be controlled. You get hungry. You'd love a hot fudge sundae, but you're on a diet. So you control your appetite and chose something else to eat.
You feel amourous but you & your partner are at a fundraiser. You control your sexual urge until you get home.

A friend dies, you are sad. You might put a smile on your face, but you are sad.
Your son wins a trophy. Try as you might, you can't help NOT feeling proud. These are emotions. They are reactions.

Desires CAN be controlled. We are human beings. That is what sets us apart from other animals. We can be reasoned with. (well at least some of us.)

Marriage is to raise children and take care of THEIR needs and the needs of others. Adults should be able to fend for themselves.

You are hung up on this woman-needs-to-be-able-to-care-for-herself-crap. I agree. Times have changed. Women used to marry for security. But today it is the unwise girl who doesn't get an education of some sort so she can stand on her own feet. But does that mean she shouldn't get married? And what about a marriage that has no children?

Marriage was given to man because GOD said that man should NOT BE ALONE. He created Eve with the sole purpose of being a companion to Adam. They were to fulfil each others NEEDS. Needs for friendship, intimacy, and yes, continuity.

 

[dilloduck]

So what does it mean?
Desires CAN be controlled. You get hungry. You'd love a hot fudge sundae, but you're on a diet. So you control your appetite and chose something else to eat.
You feel amourous but you & your partner are at a fundraiser. You control your sexual urge until you get home.

A friend dies, you are sad. You might put a smile on your face, but you are sad.
Your son wins a trophy. Try as you might, you can't help NOT feeling proud. These are emotions. They are reactions.

Desires CAN be controlled. We are human beings. That is what sets us apart from other animals. We can be reasoned with. (well at least some of us.)

You are hung up on this woman-needs-to-be-able-to-care-for-herself-crap. I agree. Times have changed. Women used to marry for security. But today it is the unwise girl who doesn't get an education of some sort so she can stand on her own feet. But does that mean she shouldn't get married? And what about a marriage that has no children?

Marriage was given to man because GOD said that man should NOT BE ALONE. He created Eve with the sole purpose of being a companion to Adam. They were to fulfil each others NEEDS. Needs for friendship, intimacy, and yes, continuity.

You can't control the drive itself --what you can control is how you respond to it. People make sex drive into something almost evil. It has been responsible for the species to remain in existence.
If men and women spend all thier time taking care of each other they become 2 selfish people arguing whose turn it is. They should concentrate on working as a team and use thier combined strength to help others. I get sick of hearing people whine about what they can't get thier spouse to do for them. A spouse is NOT a parent, for God's sake and being married does not mean your mission is over.

 

[Joz]

You can't control the drive itself --what you can control is how you respond to it.

Which is called, "controlling the desire".

People make sex drive into something almost evil. It has been responsible for the species to remain in existence.

What people? You mean people in general?

If men and women spend all thier time taking care of each other they become 2 selfish people arguing whose turn it is. They should concentrate on working as a team and use thier combined strength to help others. I get sick of hearing people whine about what they can't get thier spouse to do for them. A spouse is NOT a parent, for God's sake and being married does not mean your mission is over.

I think you need to take a hard look at why you're choosing the kinds of women you are. Apparently your 'type' keeps score. That is not true love.

 

[dilloduck]

Which is called, "controlling the desire".

What people? You mean people in general?
I think you need to take a hard look at why you're choosing the kinds of women you are. Apparently your 'type' keeps score. That is not true love.

Then perhaps you will be kind enough to explain "true" love to me.

 

[Joz]

Love is kind & gentle & patient. It doesn't keep score of wrong doings, but forgives. It is not jealous. Love does not purposely behave badly towards another.

 

[dilloduck]

Love is kind & gentle & patient. It doesn't keep score of wrong doings, but forgives. It is not jealous. Love does not purposely behave badly towards another.

well--do that and all your problems should be solved, huh?

 

[Joz]

well--do that and all your problems should be solved, huh?

You want me to say that if you do A, B & C that you will get YYY results. Life isn't that simple.
And you know that's not what I'm saying.

What I am saying is that [once again] people have needs & wants. And since the average person is not a mind reader, those needs & wants must be made known; and sometimes that's very difficult. And too, sometimes it's difficult for a mate to meet those needs. But if the couple is committed to the vows they made at the marriage altar they will work on meeting those needs while allowing both people the freedom to be who they are.

And to answer your question from the other thread. Am I still grieving? Yes, I still have difficult days. As far as being with Mm, yes I'm happy. Do I get pissed at him? Sure do. Do I get my feelings hurt? Yep. Do I do things that irritate the crap put of him? Hey, it's me.

No relationship on this earth is perfect. And if you end one relationship you usually trade those problems for a new set. You just try to find that percentage where the good outways the bad.

 

[dilloduck]

You want me to say that if you do A, B & C that you will get YYY results. Life isn't that simple.
And you know that's not what I'm saying.

What I am saying is that [once again] people have needs & wants. And since the average person is not a mind reader, those needs & wants must be made known; and sometimes that's very difficult. And too, sometimes it's difficult for a mate to meet those needs. But if the couple is committed to the vows they made at the marriage altar they will work on meeting those needs while allowing both people the freedom to be who they are.

And I'll say one more time----I don't think the purpose marriage should be to scratch each others back. People should expect more from themselves and less from others. A marriage is supposed to be a union of strength--not one that constantly has to fix itself. If it IS broke, then fix the weak link and move on.

 

[Joz]

And I'll say one more time----I don't think the purpose marriage should be to scratch each others back. People should expect more from themselves and less from others. A marriage is supposed to be a union of strength--not one that constantly has to fix itself. If it IS broke, then fix the weak link and move on.

Marriage does get it's strength from the union. What you're describing is emotionally, physically, & mentally seperate entities living is the same house. If you aren't willing to "scratch each other's backs" then you aren't really serious out having a marriage. You will never become one that way.

And marriage must be attended to constantly. I'm not referring to putting it under a microsope. But if those things that aren't so important to me but are to you are addressed then there wouldn't be so many breaks that need mending.

 

[Nienna]

Marriage does get it's strength from the union. What you're describing is emotionally, physically, & mentally seperate entities living is the same house. If you aren't willing to "scratch each other's backs" then you aren't really serious out having a marriage. You will never become one that way.

And marriage must be attended to constantly. I'm not referring to putting it under a microsope. But if those things that aren't so important to me but are to you are addressed then there wouldn't be so many breaks that need mending.

I back you 100% here, Starla. This is a good description of a healthy relationship. Adults "taking care of themselves" is a description of college roommates. If the only need you have from another adult is sexual release, why bother with a "relationship"? Marriage is NOT only for raising children. It is a support system that frees you to be a better person.

 

[dilloduck]

Marriage does get it's strength from the union. What you're describing is emotionally, physically, & mentally seperate entities living is the same house. If you aren't willing to "scratch each other's backs" then you aren't really serious out having a marriage. You will never become one that way.

And marriage must be attended to constantly. I'm not referring to putting it under a microsope. But if those things that aren't so important to me but are to you are addressed then there wouldn't be so many breaks that need mending.

IMHO--if your marriage needs contstant attention, you married the wrong person. Be willing to help each other and EXEPECTING help from each other are 2 diffferent things. Sometimes even married people have to do things for themselves. This comes a shocker to those who thought marriage would solve everything for them. Too busy anticipating all that good, legal and sinless stuff I guess.

 

[Nienna]

IMHO--if your marriage needs contstant attention, you married the wrong person. Be willing to help each other and EXEPECTING help from each other are 2 diffferent things. Sometimes even married people have to do things for themselves. This comes a shocker to those who thought marriage would solve everything for them. Too busy anticipating all that good, legal and sinless stuff I guess.

There are definitely relationships like this, and it's sad. You are right about one thing, dillo... no human being will EVER be able to satisfy all the needs of another human being. If those are someone's expectations, then, you're right, they need to detach and find Another deity to worship.

But, it's not right to live parallel lives within a marriage, either. Why else do people GET married if they have NO expectations from each other? I think it is entirely reasonable to expect that one's spouse will be responsible for meeting SOME of your needs. Of course, there must also be grace and forgiveness if one fails the other. That's LOVE. But seriously, why ELSE would you enter a committed relationship if you don't expect the other person to satisfy some of your needs?

 

[dilloduck]

There are definitely relationships like this, and it's sad. You are right about one thing, dillo... no human being will EVER be able to satisfy all the needs of another human being. If those are someone's expectations, then, you're right, they need to detach and find Another deity to worship.

But, it's not right to live parallel lives within a marriage, either. Why else do people GET married if they have NO expectations from each other? I think it is entirely reasonable to expect that one's spouse will be responsible for meeting SOME of your needs. Of course, there must also be grace and forgiveness if one fails the other. That's LOVE. But seriously, why ELSE would you enter a committed relationship if you don't expect the other person to satisfy some of your needs?

Some is fine---and if the courtship was honest, the other had probably shown a natural and willing propensity to do those few things. Some mates don't need constant attention to know the are loved, appreciated or whatever. Why get commited? Two can often do larger tasks than one if they dont constantly whine about not getig thier fair share. To me a loving person takes care of him/her self as much as possible as to not burden the other. If you love em---dont ask em to do crap for ya all the time. If they love you they will--just maybe not on demand.

 

[Abbey Normal]

Some is fine---and if the courtship was honest, the other had probably shown a natural and willing propensity to do those few things. Some mates don't need constant attention to know the are loved, appreciated or whatever. Why get commited? Two can often do larger tasks than one if they dont constantly whine about not getig thier fair share. To me a loving person takes care of him/her self as much as possible as to not burden the other. If you love em---dont ask em to do crap for ya all the time. If they love you they will--just maybe not on demand.

Why do men sometimes marry simpering fools, who admit they have dreamed all their lives of their wedding day, and then expect them to take care of themselves?

 

[dilloduck]

Why do men sometimes marry simpering fools, who admit they have dreamed all their lives of their wedding day, and then expect them to take care of themselves?

Why does anyone marry someone who won't take responsibility for themselves?

 

[Abbey Normal]

Why does anyone marry someone who won't take responsibility for themselves?

Dunno. I sure didn't.