Do you think it's okay..........

[Nienna]

Some is fine---and if the courtship was honest, the other had probably shown a natural and willing propensity to do those few things. Some mates don't need constant attention to know the are loved, appreciated or whatever. Why get commited? Two can often do larger tasks than one if they dont constantly whine about not getig thier fair share. To me a loving person takes care of him/her self as much as possible as to not burden the other. If you love em---dont ask em to do crap for ya all the time. If they love you they will--just maybe not on demand.

But, if you are in a marriage, your first responsibility is to each other. If you are going to work as a team, you've got to make sure all your players are in good shape. A weak player weakens the ability of the team. It's the teammates responsibility to look out for one another, to position each according to his/her strengths, and to fill in the weak spots.

I am NOT (and I'm sure Starla wasn't, either) advocating whining, nagging, mind games, petulence, etc. That is SELFISHNESS, the OPPOSITE of love. But, both have to make themselves aware of their spouse's needs, and attempt to give if a relationship is going to have any depth.

 

[dilloduck]

But, if you are in a marriage, your first responsibility is to each other. If you are going to work as a team, you've got to make sure all your players are in good shape. A weak player weakens the ability of the team. It's the teammates responsibility to look out for one another, to position each according to his/her strengths, and to fill in the weak spots.

I am NOT (and I'm sure Starla wasn't, either) advocating whining, nagging, mind games, petulence, etc. That is SELFISHNESS, the OPPOSITE of love. But, both have to make themselves aware of their spouse's needs, and attempt to give if a relationship is going to have any depth.

I disagree---your first responsiblilty is to your maker and yourself. If that situation is tight you are in a much better position to give to the other when the other needs it.

 

[Nienna]

I disagree---your first responsiblilty is to your maker and yourself. If that situation is tight you are in a much better position to give to the other when the other needs it.

I TOTALLY agree that your first responsibility is to your Maker. And you should focus on what you are responsible for GIVING. And be aware of what you need. But I don't believe we should be always "looking out for number one."

 

[dilloduck]

I TOTALLY agree that your first responsibility is to your Maker. And you should focus on what you are responsible for GIVING. And be aware of what you need. But I don't believe we should be always "looking out for number one."

In my mind looking out for #1 does not mean making sure you have everything you want. It means that you are taking responsibilty to do you own work. If I am seriously neglecting my responsibilties to take care of yours, I'm not sure I have done either one of us any favors.

 

[Nienna]

In my mind looking out for #1 does not mean making sure you have everything you want. It means that you are taking responsibilty to do you own work. If I am seriously neglecting my responsibilties to take care of yours, I'm not sure I have done either one of us any favors.

Dillo... I'm getting that weird feeling again. I get it whenever I debate with you. Are we actually disagreeing? It just don't feel like it.

 

[dilloduck]

Dillo... I'm getting that weird feeling again. I get it whenever I debate with you. Are we actually disagreeing? It just don't feel like it.

Just rearranging words.

 

[Joz]

In my mind looking out for #1 does not mean making sure you have everything you want. It means that you are taking responsibilty to do you own work. If I am seriously neglecting my responsibilties to take care of yours, I'm not sure I have done either one of us any favors.

...... Sometimes even married people have to do things for themselves. This comes a shocker to those who thought marriage would solve everything for them. Too busy anticipating all that good, legal and sinless stuff I guess.

What if something happens to me & I can no longer work a job, do the housework, have sex, be a companion; stand on my own feet? What happens if I can no longer be responsible for myself?

 

[dilloduck]

What if something happens to me & I can no longer work a job, do the housework, have sex, be a companion; stand on my own feet? What happens if I can no longer be responsible for myself?

I guess you'll find out if anyone wants to take care of ya.

 

[Joz]

Why do men sometimes marry simpering fools...

And I also wonder why some men marry these nasty, bitchy intolerable, nags. But they do. And those kinds make every gathering miserable.

 

[Joz]

I guess you'll find out if anyone wants to take care of ya.

No, you were saying that both people must be able to pull their own weight in a marriage. What if that's impossible? By your reasoning any person with a handicap should never marry.

 

[dilloduck]

No, you were saying that both people must be able to pull their own weight in a marriage. What if that's impossible? By your reasoning any person with a handicap should never marry.

What handicap do you have?

 

[Joz]

What handicap do you have?

Wow, I don't know if the board has that much bandwidth.

Not everyone I know agrees with what I see as a handicap. For starters, 1) My ability to tolerate *ssholes for so long. But there is a breaking point. 2) I am flexible on most things; but if I believe in something I am VERY stubborn, unmoving. 3) My shyness/self-consiousness makes me appear aloof & uncaring.

 

[dilloduck]

Wow, I don't know if the board has that much bandwidth.

Not everyone I know agrees with what I see as a handicap. For starters, 1) My ability to tolerate *ssholes for so long. But there is a breaking point. 2) I am flexible on most things; but if I believe in something I am VERY stubborn, unmoving. 3) My shyness/self-consiousness makes me appear aloof & uncaring.

You see these as something you can do nothing about and want a mate that can accept these traits?

 

[Joz]

You see these as something you can do nothing about and want a mate that can accept these traits?

That's what I meant when I said, just because I see them a certain way doesn't mean others do. I just went & asked Mm.
He said that I have a great ability to tolerate *ssholes and he is grateful for that since we are around so many. He thinks that my stubbornness is strength (sometimes ) & not entirely a bad thing. And he can't figure out where the aloofness comes from as he has watched me interact with so many; which proves that I do work on things that I can.
Should a mate accept these traits? They are a minute part of who I am. Yes, I expect Mm to accept these, as I do his.

 

[dilloduck]

That's what I meant when I said, just because I see them a certain way doesn't mean others do. I just went & asked Mm.
He said that I have a great ability to tolerate *ssholes and he is grateful for that since we are around so many. He thinks that my stubbornness is strength (sometimes ) & not entirely a bad thing. And he can't figure out where the aloofness comes from as he has watched me interact with so many; which proves that I do work on things that I can.
Should a mate accept these traits? They are a minute part of who I am. Yes, I expect Mm to accept these, as I do his.

All's well that ends well! Tell him I said "hi" !

 

[Joz]

Then of course is the fact that sexual arrousal is not lust. They aren't tied together.

Honest question- how are they different?

So Abbey, did you ever come to a conclusion to dmp's statement?
I think they're two seperate things, also.

 

[Shattered]

Wow, I don't know if the board has that much bandwidth.

Not everyone I know agrees with what I see as a handicap. For starters, 1) My ability to tolerate *ssholes for so long. But there is a breaking point. 2) I am flexible on most things; but if I believe in something I am VERY stubborn, unmoving. 3) <b>My shyness/self-consiousness makes me appear aloof & uncaring.</b>

I've never seen a single thing from you that would leave me to believe you're the least bit shy about <i>anything</i>.

I think that's one handicap you can remove.

 

[Joz]

I've never seen a single thing from you that would leave me to believe you're the least bit shy about <i>anything</i>.

I think that's one handicap you can remove.

This statement is sooo cool on many levels.

First it shows that you really don't know me. That we form an opinion on what we think we see & pass our opinion about a person on how we perceive them. (the recent T-shirt discussion in chat)
But it does show that my stubborness overrides my shyness, in many cases. Maybe in person it isn't so much shyness as something else?
It also shows that if someone was up to no good they can become anything they want over the Internet. Hence the capture of pedophiles.

(to dillo: Tho' Mm sees my stubborness as strength, my ex sees it as pride. Maybe it's a bit of both, maybe it's neither)

 

[dilloduck]

This statement is sooo cool on many levels.

First it shows that you really don't know me. That we form an opinion on what we think we see & pass our opinion about a person on how we perceive them. (the recent T-shirt discussion in chat)
But it does show that my stubborness overrides my shyness, in many cases. Maybe in person it isn't so much shyness as something else?
It also shows that if someone was up to no good they can become anything they want over the Internet. Hence the capture of pedophiles.

(to dillo: Tho' Mm sees my stubborness as strength, my ex sees it as pride. Maybe it's a bit of both, maybe it's neither)

well tell your ex to fuck off and go watch some porn !! :teeth:

 

[Shattered]

This statement is sooo cool on many levels.

First it shows that you really don't know me. That we form an opinion on what we think we see & pass our opinion about a person on how we perceive them. (the recent T-shirt discussion in chat)
But it does show that my stubborness overrides my shyness, in many cases. Maybe in person it isn't so much shyness as something else?
It also shows that if someone was up to no good they can become anything they want over the Internet. Hence the capture of pedophiles.

(to dillo: Tho' Mm sees my stubborness as strength, my ex sees it as pride. Maybe it's a bit of both, maybe it's neither)

I know that I formed my opinion based on how I've seen you project yourself to others, and in various threads, as well as PMs. If that's not an opinion you want someone to form, perhaps you're projecting the wrong image. Just my opinion - you're not shy.