Definitions

[Annie]

Some of these are pretty funny!

http://baldilocks.typepad.com/baldilocks/2004/07/word_definition.html

Word Definitions and True Meanings
My very conservative and even more acerbic friend, Ron, sent me this list of alternate word definitions (he didn’t know the attribution). Cynical, but humorous:

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a
fool at the other.

2. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

3. Divorce: Future tense of marriage

4. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

5. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

6. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he has the biggest piece.

7. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power

8. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

9. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

10. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

11. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

12. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

13. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

14. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

15. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

16. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

17. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

18. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

19. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

20. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls
into a river.

21. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway
"See I am not injured yet."

22. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

23. Father: A banker provided by nature.

24. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.


25. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

26. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

27. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his
bills.

Posted by baldilocks at 01:15 PM