catzmeow
Gold Member
- Banned
- #101
I took them. One was 3 years old..the other 9. But I sent them back when they said "you are not our mother. You will never be our mother"...The words they said to me...sober....was a knife in my heart. Fuck them and the skank who bore them.
In the nicest possible way...that's the difference between a real mother, and you. What they said to you was factually correct. You aren't their mother, and you will never be their mother. I know that chaps the hide of some stepparents, but it is the god's own truth. That doesn't mean, however, that you can't be incredibly significant in their lives.
My boyfriend will never be my kids' dad. He will be their stepdad. But, he is an excellent role model, and he provides something to their lives that their dad can't/won't provide. My ex-husband has been a pretty piss poor father, but if my boyfriend tried to step in and usurp his role, I'm confident that my kids would deeply resent him. And, a big part of that would be that the more fucked up a parent is, the more their kids feel that they have to defend and protect them.
My kids have both said things to me, in the heat of the moment, that were intended to wound. Kids do that kind of stuff, particularly when they hit the teen years. They get angry, they lash out. I did it to my mom, and I strongly suspect that she did it to hers. It doesn't mean ANYTHING.
I'm a mother. I will always be a mother. It isn't an optional thing, and I will never send them (as children) to live somewhere else because they hurt my feelings, though I do expect them to live on their own once they are finished with college. To be blunt--I don't expect gratitude from my kids, and I probably will never get it. I don't need their gratitude. It's my job to be their mom, it's a responsibility that I signed up for, voluntarily.
My ex pays a minimal amount of child support ($300 per month, for both kids). I've paid for braces, band instruments, sports practices, sports equipment, band camp, school books, school pictures, school trips, and basically everything else my kids have needed. I've had to beg him for money a few times for things that he committed, in writing, to pay for, and he arrogantly blew me off because he knew that I had very little recourse in making him pay. His child support has never gone to me, it covers a little more than half of the fixed costs for my kids' health insurance ($200 per month), prepaid college tuition accounts ($200 per month), and dental insurance ($50 per month). I paid for my daughter's braces myself, and will do the same for my son, later this year. I paid cash for my daughter's first car, becuase he wouldn't chip in a red cent.
He cheated on me 3 times before I finally divorced his cheating, abusive ass.
Are there deadbeat moms? Sure. But there are two sides to every story. I'm pretty sure that when he talks about me, he tells people how he got ripped off in the divorce settlement. He never tells people how much stuff he doesn't pay a dime for.
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