Daughter's Wedding Plans

[High_Gravity]

Sometimes I think the old caveman way of pulling the woman by the hair and taking her is the best way....

 

[Foxfyre]

Hubby and I grew up in different denominations and chose a third different denomination as a compromise for our differing traditions.

Lemme guess...

You're Christian and he's muslim, so you got married in a synagog?

LOL. Worse than that. I was a sprinkled high church Methodist; he was an immersed hellfire and brimstone Baptist; and we joined the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) two weeks before the wedding. Never looked back. (We're now active in a wonderful non denominational church and loving every minute of it.)

 

[syrenn]

There was a wedding announcement made just before Christmas by my middle daughter. As things have progressed rapidly since, I was informed yesterday that the church of choice was probably going to be her Mom's church and not the one I go to and my daughter was confirmed in. Reason? Her future husband is more "comfortable" in the other church.

Some background is good here. My daughter's mom and I are not married any more. The future husband's family lives several hours away and apparently does not attend church. Mom is Baptist, Dad is Lutheran. Most likely I'm missing some other helpful information. Sorry.

My thoughts when asked about her plans were the following:

1. Choosing personality of a pastor as a reason for using a church outside your religion is not a valid reason. Your beliefs should not be dependent on who is in the pulpit.

2. If you are planning to switch religions, then you have a good reason.

3. If you are planning to stay Lutheran, you owe your future husband some honesty on your intentions.

Congratulations!

My best advice is to just follow along and not interfere in what ever it is that they plan. Its their wedding and not yours after all. Your daughter needs you now more then ever for support

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

Just be grateful the wedding party doesn't look like this

 

[Mr Natural]

Here's an idea for a new product:

Offer the parents of the bride (who are most likely going to be on the hook for an ungodly sum of money for one of those lavish wedding receptions) an insurance policy that pays off should the marriage not last.

It could be prorated. If the marriage last less than one year, they get back 90%; two years; 80%, three years; 70% and so on.

 

[strollingbones]

she is not leaving you......

 

[Newby]

There was a wedding announcement made just before Christmas by my middle daughter. As things have progressed rapidly since, I was informed yesterday that the church of choice was probably going to be her Mom's church and not the one I go to and my daughter was confirmed in. Reason? Her future husband is more "comfortable" in the other church.

Some background is good here. My daughter's mom and I are not married any more. The future husband's family lives several hours away and apparently does not attend church. Mom is Baptist, Dad is Lutheran. Most likely I'm missing some other helpful information. Sorry.

My thoughts when asked about her plans were the following:

1. Choosing personality of a pastor as a reason for using a church outside your religion is not a valid reason. Your beliefs should not be dependent on who is in the pulpit.

2. If you are planning to switch religions, then you have a good reason.

3. If you are planning to stay Lutheran, you owe your future husband some honesty on your intentions.

Hi SL, I was curious as to what all was involved as far as 'changing beliefs' by going from Lutheran to Baptist? I was raised Catholic, switched to Lutheran and now I go to a non-denominational Christian church. I'm not seeing a great deal of difference between the Lutheran and the non-denominational outside of church, i.e. manmade rituals. The core beliefs are pretty much the same. So, what do you see that is drastically different?

 

[bodecea]

Sounds like they'd be better off eloping.

 

[saveliberty]

There was a wedding announcement made just before Christmas by my middle daughter. As things have progressed rapidly since, I was informed yesterday that the church of choice was probably going to be her Mom's church and not the one I go to and my daughter was confirmed in. Reason? Her future husband is more "comfortable" in the other church.

Some background is good here. My daughter's mom and I are not married any more. The future husband's family lives several hours away and apparently does not attend church. Mom is Baptist, Dad is Lutheran. Most likely I'm missing some other helpful information. Sorry.

My thoughts when asked about her plans were the following:

1. Choosing personality of a pastor as a reason for using a church outside your religion is not a valid reason. Your beliefs should not be dependent on who is in the pulpit.

2. If you are planning to switch religions, then you have a good reason.

3. If you are planning to stay Lutheran, you owe your future husband some honesty on your intentions.

Hi SL, I was curious as to what all was involved as far as 'changing beliefs' by going from Lutheran to Baptist? I was raised Catholic, switched to Lutheran and now I go to a non-denominational Christian church. I'm not seeing a great deal of difference between the Lutheran and the non-denominational outside of church, i.e. manmade rituals. The core beliefs are pretty much the same. So, what do you see that is drastically different?

As the name implies, Baptism is different. Baptist REQUIRE full immersion to be considered a baptism. Can't go to heaven unless your baptized, so it is a pretty big difference.

 

[saveliberty]

Sounds like they'd be better off eloping.

Yes, avoiding differences is an adult way of creating long term harmony.

 

[Anguille]

There was a wedding announcement made just before Christmas by my middle daughter. As things have progressed rapidly since, I was informed yesterday that the church of choice was probably going to be her Mom's church and not the one I go to and my daughter was confirmed in. Reason? Her future husband is more "comfortable" in the other church.

Some background is good here. My daughter's mom and I are not married any more. The future husband's family lives several hours away and apparently does not attend church. Mom is Baptist, Dad is Lutheran. Most likely I'm missing some other helpful information. Sorry.

My thoughts when asked about her plans were the following:

1. Choosing personality of a pastor as a reason for using a church outside your religion is not a valid reason. Your beliefs should not be dependent on who is in the pulpit.

2. If you are planning to switch religions, then you have a good reason.

3. If you are planning to stay Lutheran, you owe your future husband some honesty on your intentions.

Is it your wedding or her wedding?

You churchgoing people seem to create a lot of problems for yourselves and for your children when you put your religion on them.

Life is complicated enough as it is. I never can understand why people want to make it even more complicated by adding church rules to the list of complications.


As for your daughter's future marriage, a good father would be more concerned with her prospects for a happy marriage than with what paster will be sanctifying it.

 

[Anguille]

I don't quite understand how, after 7 years of marriage, they can say it never happened . . . .

I've never understood that either. It kind of makes all Catholic marriage, good or bad, seem like a sham.

 

[Anguille]

My daughter appears to be tiptoeing around feelings instead of resolving an issue of religion. I only suggested dealing with those things now. BEFORE getting married and finding she didn't get what she thought.

Okay, maybe you're a good dad afterall. These are very valid points. Seeing as you and her mother divorced, she have already learned some not so smart ways of compromise in relationships. It may be that she has to make her own mistakes before she can learn from them.

 

[Newby]

There was a wedding announcement made just before Christmas by my middle daughter. As things have progressed rapidly since, I was informed yesterday that the church of choice was probably going to be her Mom's church and not the one I go to and my daughter was confirmed in. Reason? Her future husband is more "comfortable" in the other church.

Some background is good here. My daughter's mom and I are not married any more. The future husband's family lives several hours away and apparently does not attend church. Mom is Baptist, Dad is Lutheran. Most likely I'm missing some other helpful information. Sorry.

My thoughts when asked about her plans were the following:

1. Choosing personality of a pastor as a reason for using a church outside your religion is not a valid reason. Your beliefs should not be dependent on who is in the pulpit.

2. If you are planning to switch religions, then you have a good reason.

3. If you are planning to stay Lutheran, you owe your future husband some honesty on your intentions.

Hi SL, I was curious as to what all was involved as far as 'changing beliefs' by going from Lutheran to Baptist? I was raised Catholic, switched to Lutheran and now I go to a non-denominational Christian church. I'm not seeing a great deal of difference between the Lutheran and the non-denominational outside of church, i.e. manmade rituals. The core beliefs are pretty much the same. So, what do you see that is drastically different?

As the name implies, Baptism is different. Baptist REQUIRE full immersion to be considered a baptism. Can't go to heaven unless your baptized, so it is a pretty big difference.

I guess I really don't see the type of baptism as being a huge 'change in beliefs', they both still believe in baptism, they just disagree whether it's a sprinkle or an emersion. They both believe that Jesus is the Son of God sent to take away sin. The core principles and beliefs are the same. I guess I just don't see why you would say she is abandoning her beliefs by being married in a Baptist church, that seems a bit of an extreme outlook to me. Are you implying that she would now believe that you or anyone who wasn't fully immersed at baptism are then not 'saved'? Is she planning on doing a full immersion baptism herself? That would be the only way that I would think she might be radically changing her beliefs.

 

[saveliberty]

I never said she was abandoning her beliefs. Actually, I was asked what I thought of her getting married in a Baptist church that her husband does not belong to and neither does she. The whole concept of where she is getting married is being reevaluated as I understand it.

They attended church with me last Sunday and a respected teacher my daughter had in high school asked her if she was getting married at the church. I think it is sinking in there are expectations from many about where this is going to take place.

I just want an open and honest discussion of what they are planning on doing for their spiritual future. Seems like that is happening.

 

[Baruch Menachem]

The choice of church should be the least of your worries.

You might have to end up paying for one of those ridiculous weddings at a catering hall with the band and th efood and the open bar and all.

And with the average marriage lasting only five years or so, you could end up making payments on the wedding long after the marriage has been dissolved.

Just don't make is so you are the corrosive in your daughter's marriage.

Count your blessings. she is married in a church, before she has a baby, with a cool church going guy.

I think the hard part for you is not that she is getting married in some other protestant church. I think that the issue really is darling daughter is making her life far away. And that hurts a bunch.

 

[Newby]

I never said she was abandoning her beliefs. Actually, I was asked what I thought of her getting married in a Baptist church that her husband does not belong to and neither does she. The whole concept of where she is getting married is being reevaluated as I understand it.

They attended church with me last Sunday and a respected teacher my daughter had in high school asked her if she was getting married at the church. I think it is sinking in there are expectations from many about where this is going to take place.

I just want an open and honest discussion of what they are planning on doing for their spiritual future. Seems like that is happening.

Well then I misunderstood the intensions behind one of your numbered concerns where you said that if she is 'switching religions' then there should be more thought put into it. I don't see being married in a Baptist church as 'switching religions' I guess, they're all Christians. If your concern is that she is being pressured to not get married at the church that she has regularly attended because her fiance doesn't like the pastor there, then I could understand that to some degree. Have her and her fiance regularly attended the Lutheran church, or has she attended without him? It doesn't seem as though you have a totally unbiased outlook on the topic either. If her fiance is more comfortable with the other pastor for whatever reasons, then you're right about them having an open and honest discussion about it. But, it is his wedding too and he should feel comfortable with where it's being held. Too many unknowns to address the topic really, and if she's an adult I would just give her your concerns and why you have them and let her make her own decision.

And your last point about discussing their spiritual future does make it sound as though you have a problem with her being a Baptist if she chooses to do so in the future?

 

[bodecea]

Sounds like they'd be better off eloping.

Yes, avoiding differences is an adult way of creating long term harmony.

As opposed to trying to make others happy with THEIR commitment ceremony...