Daughter's Wedding Plans

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by saveliberty, Dec 28, 2010.

  1. saveliberty
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    saveliberty Diamond Member

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    There was a wedding announcement made just before Christmas by my middle daughter. As things have progressed rapidly since, I was informed yesterday that the church of choice was probably going to be her Mom's church and not the one I go to and my daughter was confirmed in. Reason? Her future husband is more "comfortable" in the other church.

    Some background is good here. My daughter's mom and I are not married any more. The future husband's family lives several hours away and apparently does not attend church. Mom is Baptist, Dad is Lutheran. Most likely I'm missing some other helpful information. Sorry.

    My thoughts when asked about her plans were the following:

    1. Choosing personality of a pastor as a reason for using a church outside your religion is not a valid reason. Your beliefs should not be dependent on who is in the pulpit.

    2. If you are planning to switch religions, then you have a good reason.

    3. If you are planning to stay Lutheran, you owe your future husband some honesty on your intentions.
     
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  2. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    Would you like my opinion on the situation?

    Here it is:

    It's her's and her husband's choice. You should sit back and accept whatever they choose without saying anything. Otherwise, you are just setting things up for disaster.
     
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  3. Mini 14
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    Mini 14 Senior Member

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    That she has chosen to be married in a church is enough to show that you raised her well-enough. Recognizing the significance of God in one's life is something that *can* require outside assistance (a parent, a preacher, a friend). From that point on, her relationship with God is between her and God.

    But obviously, she "gets it," albeit not exactly the same way that you do. God has a plan for everyone, and it may be that her getting married in his church is something that he will use to show her something he wants her to know. Possibly her fiancée as well.

    Be happy for them, and be proud that the most important tenant of your religion (that we owe it all to God) has been embraced by her, no matter what church she is standing in.
     
  4. masquerade
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    masquerade positivity

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    Congratulations saveliberty! A wedding announcement is wonderful news!

    Thinking back on my own wedding, my dad insisted on us saying our vows in the Catholic church I grew up in. My husband is Protestant and he was not happy with idea, but he respected the wishes of my dad and we married in the Catholic church. We thankfully missed out on the pre-cana classes, but did sit with the priest for a couple of hours chit chatting about marraige and blah blah blah. How a Catholic priest can sit there and preach to us about marraige is still mind-boggling but whatever.

    Both my children were baptized Protestant. It was the deal I made at the time of my marraige. Catholic vows, Protestant children. My dad flat out refused to attend either of the batisms because they were held in a Protestant church. I was hurt and angry at the time. Now, I feel sorry for him because he missed out on two wonderful days of his grandchildrens' lives due to his religious bigotry.
     
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  5. Mr Clean
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    Mr Clean Gold Member

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    The choice of church should be the least of your worries.

    You might have to end up paying for one of those ridiculous weddings at a catering hall with the band and th efood and the open bar and all.

    And with the average marriage lasting only five years or so, you could end up making payments on the wedding long after the marriage has been dissolved.
     
  6. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    That Catholic/Protestant thing sounds like my mother's uncle, who disowned his daughter for marrying a filthy Protestant dog.

    People can be really ridiculous.
     
  7. goldcatt
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    goldcatt Catch me if you can! Supporting Member

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    Congrats, saveliberty!

    Sounds like if she's getting married she's all grown up and able to make her own decisions about where she takes her vows. Better to accept her and her future husband's decision without comment than start out your relationship with them as a married couple as an obnoxious interfering in-law, my dear.

    The future payoff in your relationship will be more than worth the effort of letting it go.
     
  8. Zoom-boing
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    Zoom-boing Gold Member

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    My mom is Catholic . . .no wait, she's Roman Catholic (capital R, capital C) and my dad is Protestant. We were all raised Catholic. When I was little I thought anyone who was Catholic was a Protestant. lol My dad's religion? He washed the car on Sundays. heh

    SL, is your daughter planning on leaving the religion she was raised in and practicing a new one? If she is doing it just to appease the fiance . . . . .hmmmm. Why isn't he comfortable in your church/religion? Is his religion is very different from yours (say, Jewish)? But if not? Again, hmmmm . . . . .

    I agree with all three of your statements. And you're right, more info is needed.
     
  9. Skull Pilot
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    Skull Pilot Platinum Member

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    Tell them to elope, get married bare foot on a beach in Fiji and then spend the money they would have wasted on a reception and all that other crap and take a month long honeymoon.

    [​IMG]
     
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    Last edited: Dec 28, 2010
  10. iamwhatiseem
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    iamwhatiseem Gold Member

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    It is not the minister that counts here.
    It is the man she chose to marry.
    If he is a good young man, seems to be well rounded and makes your daughter happy - count your blessings.
    Would it be better that she marry within the church to an asshole?
     

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