Daily Affirmations

[masquerade]

I turn every experience into an opportunity. Each problem has a solution. All experiences are opportunities for me to learn and grow. I am safe.

 

[masquerade]

It is safe to look within as I move through the layers of other peoples opinions and beliefs.

 

[JW Frogen]

Is everyone as stupid as I am?

I have faith they are.

God bless democracy.

 

[JW Frogen]

I will not threaten my employer today!!!!!!!

 

[JW Frogen]

God gave me two balls because God wants me to know I only have two chances.

My balls are now atheists.

 

[JW Frogen]

I have a drinking tree in Australia.

I am now a traditional owner of the land.

 

[JW Frogen]

Thanks what ever you are, for one more day.

 

[uscitizen]

I am sill alive.

 

[masquerade]

I am sill alive.

Until your avatar gets you!

Have a great day uscitizen!

 

[masquerade]

I choose to put myself at the top of my priority list knowing that when I am well and happy, I can help others even more.

 

[masquerade]

I am willing to learn.
The more I learn, the more I grow.

 

[Colin]

Laughter is one of life's best medicines and a smile is infectious.

That's why every day I like to see a broad smile. Especially when she smiles at me.

 

[Liability]

I am willing to learn.
The more I learn, the more I grow.

that one reminds me of this one:

Beans! Beans!

Good for the heart.

The more you eat,

the more you fart.

The more you fart,

the better you feel!

So, eat your beans at every meal!

 

[masquerade]

Life is ever-changing. There is no beginning and no end ... only a constant cycling and recycling of substance and experiences. Life is never stuck or static or stale, for each moment is ever new and fresh.

 

[masquerade]

I am willing to learn.
The more I learn, the more I grow.

that one reminds me of this one:

Beans! Beans!

Good for the heart.

The more you eat,

the more you fart.

The more you fart,

the better you feel!

So, eat your beans at every meal!

And why the hell Liability, does this poem remind you of my daily affirmation? Beans, the heart, your farts ... what is it that you're trying to teach us here? Hmmmmmm? Inquiring minds want to know!

 

[Liability]

I am willing to learn.
The more I learn, the more I grow.

that one reminds me of this one:

Beans! Beans!

Good for the heart.

The more you eat,

the more you fart.

The more you fart,

the better you feel!

So, eat your beans at every meal!

And why the hell Liability, does this poem remind you of my daily affirmation? Beans, the heart, your farts ... what is it that you're trying to teach us here? Hmmmmmm? Inquiring minds want to know!

Well, it's like this.

YOUR affirmation said, "The more I learn, the more I grow."

THAT, in turn, brought back the school-days' ditty, "The more I eat, the more I fart."

Parallel structure has always been important.

But, maybe that's just an excuse.

Here's something else I'm now reminded of.

The young wife of the up-and-coming business man is required, for reasons related to his possible promotion, to participate in the ritual of meeting the upper-crust wife of his boss. After a stiff and very formal luncheon (it wasn't a "lunch"), the husband is whisked away to get a private grilling by the boss in "the study -- adjacent to "the library," leaving the wife to fend for herself with the high-class rich old Grande Dame boss' wife in the "parlor" of the mansion on the well-tended estate.

She sits on the edge of some uncomfortable antique chair while the Grande Dame makes herself comfortable on a finely appointed stuffed chair across from the wife, with Fru-fru, the pure-bred toy poodle, sitting contentedly in the Grande Dame's lap.

The luncheon has had an unfortunate effect on the wife's digestion, however, and she starts to feel uncomfortable pressure building inside her. The wife tries to engage in small talk hampered by the inner voice telling her that she's going to explode. The dog has apparently sensed the wife's discomfort, and has jumped down to sit next to the wife's feet. The Grande Dame drones on in a Larchmont Lockjaw way, the wife barely able to focus on the nuances of the inane conversation. The pressure is building. At last, feeling that she has no choice, the wife thinks, "Maybe I can release just a little pressure and nobody will notice." So she let's out what was supposed to be a tiny quiet one, but as luck would have it, it is not quiet enough.

The Grande Dame looks horrified and says, through gritted teeth, "Fru-fru!"

The wife is happy to allow the dog to take the blame. The aroma is not a good sign, either. But at least the wife now has some cover. Emboldened, and again in need, she lets another one rip, a bit louder and a bit longer and no less odoriferous. Again, the Grand Dame looks stricken and in a harsher and louder voice intones, "Fru-FRU!!"

The wife pets the dog and says, "Fru-fru is fine. No problem." Well pleased, now, that the cover is so helpful and useful, even allowing her to appear civil and polite over "the dog's" problems, the wife doesn't hesitate this time to let one rip when the pressure has built up again to an uncomfortable feeling. The fart is fairly loud and lasts a bit longer but smells just as bad.

The Grande Dame stands up, almost spilling her tea cup as she once again shrieks out, "Fru-fru!"

The wife smiles for a second until the Grand Dame continues, "Fru-fru, would you PLEASE get away from that lady before she SHITS on you!"

 

[sparky]

just another day in paradise......~S~

 

[masquerade]

I'll be copying and pasting that into an email! LOL!
Thank you Liability, for the laugh to go along with my morning coffee!

 

[mudwhistle]

I'll be copying and pasting that into an email! LOL!
Thank you Liability, for the laugh to go along with my morning coffee!

Friend of mine farted in the checkout line at Walmart turns to his wife and says "I wonder what causes that???"

His wife turns to him and says "Bad manners amongst other things"

 

[masquerade]

I'll be copying and pasting that into an email! LOL!
Thank you Liability, for the laugh to go along with my morning coffee!

Friend of mine farted in the checkout line at Walmart turns to his wife and says "I wonder what causes that???"

His wife turns to him and says "Bad manners amongst other things"

LOL ~ Hey mudwhistle!!!