~Cancer~

[Anachronism]

Dabs, I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a parent. As much as we both still hurt inside from the loss, we need to remember the good times. Remember that ray of sunshine the same way I try to remember all the great memories of my father. You and I had the chance to say "goodbye". That's something a lot of people don't get; and that we should be thankful for, even as we cry the tears for the empty place they've left in our hearts that can never be filled.

Stay strong. They say it gets better with time. I'm not sure they're right.... it's been almost 10 years for me and there are still things (songs on the radio, a particular vehicle on the street, etc...) that will make me cry; but we can both hope. If you need somebody to talk to, my PM box is always open and generally pretty empty, so feel free to fill it up.

 

[Dabs]

Thank you Anach.....the song we played at Mother's funeral was Bette Midler's -Wind Beneath My Wings- and if I happen to hear that someplace, I need to grab a Kleenex fast~

 

[MaggieMae]

I lost my best friend, my beautiful Mother to that damn disease in November 2005. Lung cancer, yes she smoked. They say there are 5 stages of grief, I sure hope to hell I would get to the final one, because I haven't yet, and truth be told, I doubt I ever will. She and I shared a bond like no other Mother and daughter you would see. Most people were jealous of us, we never fussed, always did things for each other, we were always there for each other. God what I wouldn't give to have my Mother here with me. Mother's days and her birthdays and Christmas are so damn hard. I am her only daughter, and so it was difficult for both of us, when she came home under Hospice care, because we both knew, the end was near.
Then I lost my Dad, my SF, to cancer in March 2008. Even tho he was so mean to me, I loved him and I forgave him for the many years of abuse. That's one thing about me, I am a very forgiving person. But he suffered terribly and I watched him die. My Mother went peacefully in her sleep, for that I am very thankful.
Then my Mother's favorite sister, my favorite Aunt, I lost her to cancer in February 2009. She sort of took over the role of my Mother after Mother left me. And she did a great job!
Also on my Mother's side, I lost my Grandfather to cancer, lung cancer- and my Grandmother to cancer (my Mother's parents) as well as Mother's oldest brother, he also passed away from cancer. And all of them, with the exception of my Aunt, they all passed away at the age of 66. My dear Aunt lived to be 68.
On my real Dad's side, even tho I didn't know him that well, he died at the age of 54, passed away from liver cancer.
And like I mentioned earlier, I have had the dreaded C word in my body, had to fight it for awhile, but I'm not about to give in, and so far, I'm doing great~
But I so loathe cancer, it sickens me.

I lost both my parents to cancer too. My mother at 58 from bone cancer; my father at 72 from lung cancer (although he hadn't smoked for 24 years). Everyone loathes cancer, but when are we going to also start loathing the fact that there are many proven cures that can't get off the ground because a "cure" isn't profitable?

 

[uscitizen]

Prolonging the suffering of cancer patients is a mega bucks business.

 

[Grace]

Yep. Mega bucks from the drug companies, doctors, etc.

 

[MaggieMae]

Yep. Mega bucks from the drug companies, doctors, etc.

The only ones who show real interest are the lab researchers and testers. Anybody remember this? Sounds bizarre, but it works. So why isn't it in production?

The Kanzius Machine: A Cancer Cure? - 60 Minutes - CBS News

I also saw a documentary a while ago where some UK nurses had discovered that chemotherapy works best depending on the body's 24-hour cycle. When the blood is working at peak performance, usually at some point in the morning, that's when chemo should be given. In the afternoon when heart/lungs/blood are winding down, chemo will not be as effective. Patients at this particular hospital were tested regularly for about a week to determine their ideal cycle, and then given chemotherapy at that point. Some had their cancers dramatically shrunk, and some even beat the most deadly cancers, like pancreatic cancer, because the chemo did it's job in much less time and when the body was most physically capable of accepting it, and treatments didn't damage the good cells because of lengthy chemo treatment.

 

[sparky]

You see these people, i'm sure most of you have, some of them just kids....

one starts to think bad thoughts you know

how could any all-loving God allow this?

 

[Ernie S.]

I lost my mom Christmas Eve 1973 to cervical cancer. She was diagnosed in early August and only left the hospital for 3 days in early November to attend her and Dad's 25th anniversary party.
Dad died this past August from prostate cancer after a 5 year battle. He was only hospitalized a total of 3 weeks in all that time. He passed at home.
Just 3 days before he died, he was out in his garden pulling weeds. He was sharp as a tack but the body just broke down. The cancer has spread to liver kidneys lungs and spine.

 

[Grace]

 

[Anachronism]

Yep. Mega bucks from the drug companies, doctors, etc.

Which is why all the spending on my Cancer care if I were to get it has already been done.... I've got the gun and the bullet. It's actually put aside specially for that potential occassion (cancer or a number of other things).

 

[Dabs]

Yep. Mega bucks from the drug companies, doctors, etc.

Which is why all the spending on my Cancer care if I were to get it has already been done.... I've got the gun and the bullet. It's actually put aside specially for that potential occassion (cancer or a number of other things).

Yep, because it's obvious, we aren't ever going to find a cure or be treated correctly waiting on the doctors~

 

[Anachronism]

how could any all-loving God allow this?

This disease is what ended my 27 years as a Christian, sparky. Watching what happened to my father drove me completely and totally away from the Lutheran church, Christianity, and organized religion in general.

I spent almost two years researching and investigating different type of religions after his death and I couldn't find a single one that would or could answer my question of... "Why?" So I gave up on organized religion entirely and now practice a form of private spirituality that incorporates ideas from a large variety of different religions, spiritual paths, and pantheons.

 

[sparky]

i hear ya Anach, kinda been down similar roads, i'll just leave it that as a recovering christian, sobriety kinda s*cks too.......

 

[Anachronism]

Yep, because it's obvious, we aren't ever going to find a cure or be treated correctly waiting on the doctors~

I'm just not interested in dealing with the pain, the humiliation, and the slow degredation that is dying of Cancer. Especially since I wouldn't take some of the drugs that they prescribe for the pain. I won't ask anyone else to put up with me through that either. I'm a horror when I've got a bad cold; I don't want to think about what I'd be like as a Cancer patient.

 

[Dabs]

Yep, because it's obvious, we aren't ever going to find a cure or be treated correctly waiting on the doctors~

I'm just not interested in dealing with the pain, the humiliation, and the slow degredation that is dying of Cancer. Especially since I wouldn't take some of the drugs that they prescribe for the pain. I won't ask anyone else to put up with me through that either. I'm a horror when I've got a bad cold; I don't want to think about what I'd be like as a Cancer patient.

I wouldn't want my family to go thru what I went thru when I was losing my Mother. My sons told me once, that they felt like they not only were losing a Mamaw, but they were losing a Mother, I was a basket case.
I honestly did not know how I was going to function day by day, after Mother had left.
And Mother knew how hard it was going to be on me. When I was away, and her sisters were there with her, they later told me "I" was all Mother talked about.
She was worried about me and how her little Debbie was going to make it~
She worried about me till the end......and I don't want my family going thru my last days in all that pain~

 

[Anachronism]

Dabs, I don't know how my mother did it for almost two years. I live an hour away and I'm the closest of the three kids. They were dealing with my paternal grandfather dying at the same time, and then my maternal grandfather passed away during that time as well. I don't know how she wasn't a total basketcase.

One thing I do suggest to everyone.... PRE-PLAN YOUR FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS. My father did that. Literally the only things we had to do were to show up, and to choose the headstone. He had done EVERYTHING ELSE from choosing the coffin, to the order of worship and music for the service, to writing the obituary, and deciding what military honors he wanted. We literally had nothing to do for two days between his death and the wake.

 

[Dabs]

Dabs, I don't know how my mother did it for almost two years. I live an hour away and I'm the closest of the three kids. They were dealing with my paternal grandfather dying at the same time, and then my maternal grandfather passed away during that time as well. I don't know how she wasn't a total basketcase.

One thing I do suggest to everyone.... PRE-PLAN YOUR FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS. My father did that. Literally the only things we had to do were to show up, and to choose the headstone. He had done EVERYTHING ELSE from choosing the coffin, to the order of worship and music for the service, to writing the obituary, and deciding what military honors he wanted. We literally had nothing to do for two days between his death and the wake.

Very good idea!
I was left with a mess after my Dad died, as he wasn't expecting to go!
But I have a living will as well as my will and my life insurance, and all those items are in a special place where my sons can get ahold of them~
I am very prepared.

 

[Anachronism]

Very good idea!
I was left with a mess after my Dad died, as he wasn't expecting to go!
But I have a living will as well as my will and my life insurance, and all those items are in a special place where my sons can get ahold of them~
I am very prepared.

That's a great start. Have you ever sat down with them and told them what you want in terms of a funeral/burial? Do you have the plot selected and purchased? Having the paperwork in place is great, but as you well know the devil is in the little details.... open casket wake or closed? coffin? music for the funeral service? Making your desires in regards to those things known; or at least telling them you don't care can be a huge load of stress off of them.

 

[Dabs]

Very good idea!
I was left with a mess after my Dad died, as he wasn't expecting to go!
But I have a living will as well as my will and my life insurance, and all those items are in a special place where my sons can get ahold of them~
I am very prepared.

That's a great start. Have you ever sat down with them and told them what you want in terms of a funeral/burial? Do you have the plot selected and purchased? Having the paperwork in place is great, but as you well know the devil is in the little details.... open casket wake or closed? coffin? music for the funeral service? Making your desires in regards to those things known; or at least telling them you don't care can be a huge load of stress off of them.

I am to be cremated and they know this.
There is no burial plot to purchase, no casket to buy and no headstone to waste money on~
The flower display that we purchased for atop my Mother's casket was made of silk flowers and ribbons and lace, so very pretty, and it cost $165!
I have kept it sealed and my sons know that is what is to be placed atop my casket for my viewing, so no flowers to buy!
My songs are picked out, my pastor is picked out, and my funeral home already has papers of my wishes. I ask that nobody send flowers, flowers are a waste of money.
If you can't send me flowers when I am alive to enjoy them, then why send them when I'm dead?? Then my poor family is stuck trying to figure out what to do with all the flowers.
Plants are OK, but no flowers! I would rather have donations made to some cancer society.
I told everyone that whomever sends flowers to my funeral, I will come back to haunt them ~LoL~
My Mother and my Dad both were cremated. Mother always wanted that and she never told dad cause she was afraid, so on her death bed, we finally told him.
He later told me that since Mother was cremated, that was his choice too~
The total cost of their cremation services, including the casket rental, the funeral home usage, the funeral itself and embalming and such, was right at $3000.
My Dad had a flag draped across his casket, he served in the Korean war.
My life insurance is plenty, so that my cremation and funeral will be paid for, and there will be enuff left over for my sons to share~

 

[Anachronism]

Dabs, I'm glad you've made your wishes clear to them. It's a huge load of their minds in what tends to be a time of great sorrow. Good for you.