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Thomas Lobel's metamorphosis can be told in pictures.
After his parents, Pauline Moreno and Debra Lobel, adopted Thomas at age 2, they observed that he was aloof. Shy and freckle-faced, he usually sat in a corner reading a book.
Unlike his two older brothers who were boisterous, athletic and masculine, Thomas was unusually quiet. Because of his speech impediment, he had to go to special education. Despite developing better speech skills, he didn't want to engage in conversation or socialize.
"He seemed so depressed and unhappy all the time," Lobel said. "He didn't enjoy playing. He sat there all the time, not interacting with anybody. He seemed really lonely."
In photos, Thomas appears small with a clenched smile and a glazed and distant look in his eyes.
Throughout his childhood, Thomas wanted to read Wonder Woman comics rather than Superman, wear rhinestone-studded hairbands instead of baseball caps and play with dolls rather than action figures. And, his parents said, he kept insisting he was a girl.
His personality changed from a very sad kid who sat still... to a very happy little girl who was thrilled to be alive.
His situation worsened when Thomas told his parents he wanted to cut off his penis. His parents tried to rationalize with him, warning him that he could bleed to death. But his request was a signal to them that this was serious and required professional help.
After seeing therapists and psychiatrists, the mental health specialists confirmed what Thomas had been saying all along. At age 7, he had gender identity disorder.
The diagnosis was hard for Moreno and Lobel to accept.
"The fact that she's transgender gives her a harder road ahead, an absolute harder road," Moreno said.
They have been accused of terrible parenting by friends, family and others, that "we're pushing her to do this. I'm a lesbian. My partner is a lesbian. That suddenly falls into the fold: 'Oh, you want her to be part of the lifestyle you guys live,' " Moreno said.
But that couldn't be further from the truth, they said. People don't understand how a hurting child can break a parent's heart.
"No parent wants to be in this situation," said Lisa Kenney, managing director of Gender Spectrum, a conference for families of gender nonconforming children. "Nobody had a child and imagined this was what would happen."
Transgender kids do not come from lax parenting where adults "roll over" to their kids' whims, said Olson, who treats transgender children.
"The parents are tortured by it," she said. "These are not easy decisions. Parents go through a long process going through this."
Moreno and Lobel allowed their child pick his own clothes at age 8. Thomas chose girl's clothing and also picked four bras. Then, Thomas wanted to change his name to Tammy and use a female pronoun. This is called social transitioning and can include new hairstyles, wardrobe. Aside from mental health therapy, this stage involves no medical interventions. Social transitioning is completely reversible, said Olson, a gender identity specialist.
Every step of the way, her parents told Tammy, "If at any time you want to go back to your boy's clothes, you can go back to Thomas. It's OK." Tammy has declined every time.
She continues to see therapists.
Tammy's room is painted bright golden yellow, decorated with stuffed animals and cluttered with pink glittery tennis shoes. At home, Tammy dances through the hallway, twirling in her pink flower dress.
"As soon as we let him put on a dress, his personality changed from a very sad kid who sat still, didn't do much of anything to a very happy little girl who was thrilled to be alive," Moreno said.
Thomas Lobel's metamorphosis can be told in pictures.
After his parents, Pauline Moreno and Debra Lobel, adopted Thomas at age 2, they observed that he was aloof. Shy and freckle-faced, he usually sat in a corner reading a book.
Unlike his two older brothers who were boisterous, athletic and masculine, Thomas was unusually quiet. Because of his speech impediment, he had to go to special education. Despite developing better speech skills, he didn't want to engage in conversation or socialize.
"He seemed so depressed and unhappy all the time," Lobel said. "He didn't enjoy playing. He sat there all the time, not interacting with anybody. He seemed really lonely."
In photos, Thomas appears small with a clenched smile and a glazed and distant look in his eyes.
Throughout his childhood, Thomas wanted to read Wonder Woman comics rather than Superman, wear rhinestone-studded hairbands instead of baseball caps and play with dolls rather than action figures. And, his parents said, he kept insisting he was a girl.
His personality changed from a very sad kid who sat still... to a very happy little girl who was thrilled to be alive.
His situation worsened when Thomas told his parents he wanted to cut off his penis. His parents tried to rationalize with him, warning him that he could bleed to death. But his request was a signal to them that this was serious and required professional help.
After seeing therapists and psychiatrists, the mental health specialists confirmed what Thomas had been saying all along. At age 7, he had gender identity disorder.
The diagnosis was hard for Moreno and Lobel to accept.
"The fact that she's transgender gives her a harder road ahead, an absolute harder road," Moreno said.
They have been accused of terrible parenting by friends, family and others, that "we're pushing her to do this. I'm a lesbian. My partner is a lesbian. That suddenly falls into the fold: 'Oh, you want her to be part of the lifestyle you guys live,' " Moreno said.
But that couldn't be further from the truth, they said. People don't understand how a hurting child can break a parent's heart.
"No parent wants to be in this situation," said Lisa Kenney, managing director of Gender Spectrum, a conference for families of gender nonconforming children. "Nobody had a child and imagined this was what would happen."
Transgender kids do not come from lax parenting where adults "roll over" to their kids' whims, said Olson, who treats transgender children.
"The parents are tortured by it," she said. "These are not easy decisions. Parents go through a long process going through this."
Moreno and Lobel allowed their child pick his own clothes at age 8. Thomas chose girl's clothing and also picked four bras. Then, Thomas wanted to change his name to Tammy and use a female pronoun. This is called social transitioning and can include new hairstyles, wardrobe. Aside from mental health therapy, this stage involves no medical interventions. Social transitioning is completely reversible, said Olson, a gender identity specialist.
Every step of the way, her parents told Tammy, "If at any time you want to go back to your boy's clothes, you can go back to Thomas. It's OK." Tammy has declined every time.
She continues to see therapists.
Tammy's room is painted bright golden yellow, decorated with stuffed animals and cluttered with pink glittery tennis shoes. At home, Tammy dances through the hallway, twirling in her pink flower dress.
"As soon as we let him put on a dress, his personality changed from a very sad kid who sat still, didn't do much of anything to a very happy little girl who was thrilled to be alive," Moreno said.
