Blondes

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Bootneck, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    OK folks. Time for yet more blonde jokes! Here goes:


    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
    The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
     
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  2. CrimsonWhite
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    CrimsonWhite *****istrator Emeritus Supporting Member

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    A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

    "You dumb bitch! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!!!
     
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  3. Big Black Dog
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    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

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    They are going to put the headlight dimmer switch back on the floorboards of cars beginning in 2011. Too many blondes were getting their foot caught in the steering wheel...
     
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  4. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
     
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  5. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    A blonde pushes her car into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
    She says, 'What's the story?'
    He replies, 'Just shit in the carburetor'
    She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
     
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  6. JenT
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    JenT God lead our troops

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    You already posted on the original blond thread and had to run over here with it? (rolling eyes)
    http://www.usmessageboard.com/1384336-post1.html

    oooooooooookay....

    What's a brunette's mating call?
    "Has the blonde left yet?"

    What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
    No one else wants it.

    Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
    So brunettes can remember them.

    What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    Invisible.

    What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
    Brown-bagging it.

    Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
    When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

    What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
    The invitation.

    What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
    A hostage.

    Who makes bras for brunettes?
    Fisher-Price.

    Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
    It matches their mustache.

    What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
    A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
     
  7. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    Aha! I see what you've done here. You've simply transposed blonde and brunette! :lol:
     
  8. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
    'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
    The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
    'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
    'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'
     
  9. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

    She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

    "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

    The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

    The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.

    The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
    "Does she realise that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

    He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

    The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe
    all those dumb blonde jokes that Bootneck keeps posting on USMB."

    A good while later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

    You're finished already?" the husband asked.

    "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her......

    "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
     
  10. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    And was whining about being called stupid earlier? Or was that just for getting neg repped for it? :lol:
     
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