Best...Burgers...PERIOD

Discussion in 'Food & Wine' started by Hobbit, Nov 25, 2006.

  1. Hobbit
    Offline

    Hobbit Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2004
    Messages:
    5,099
    Thanks Received:
    420
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Near Atlanta, GA
    Ratings:
    +421
    Ok, so this new place opened up near where I live recently. As soon as the sign went up (it's near the local Atlanta Bread Company, so we saw it pretty much the very day it went off), my dad went ballistic and my mom joined him. It turns out that they'd both been to locations of this franchise in and around Washington D.C. (my dad's eaten at stores #1 and #5). The place is called "Five Guys," because it was founded by a guy and his five sons. I must say that this is, bar none, the best burger place in the whole wide universe and any parallel universes there may be, except the universe where beef causes orgasms, and then there's not many there that beat it, either.

    So anyway, to give you an idea of how much a$$ this burger place kicks all up and down the street, imagine this. For years and years, you've gone to so many different burger places. In any place, you have to walk in the door, trip over 50+ kids, try your best to ignore stupid cartoon ads meant to get any kids you may have to drag you in by the testicles (or ovaries), try not to slide on the nasty floor, give your order to some fat, ugly trailer trash who was so stupid that she couldn't even make it up to a management position at MCWENDYKING, and then wait 5 minutes for a warmed over, previously frozen piece of mostly soy that comes with painfully artificial fries covered in salt and something highly addictive, possibly crack.

    Now imagine that this new, awesome place opens up and your dad takes you there. There's a few kids, but mostly not the obnoxious kind who need lypo and good beating. There's no stupid ads or 'decor,' just a plain tile wall with their billions of awards hung all over it. You order from a well-mannered person who works for a guy who actually bought the franchise rights and has to try to make money (oh, and the floor is clean). Now that you've ordered, you see the guy who's supposed to make your food actually rip a big hunk of USDA prime off of a beautiful mountain of beef, roll it into an actual beef patty, and throw it down onto a grill. Then, you look towards the fry bin and see them cutting up actual, whole potatoes and then, with no processing, just tossing the glorious Idaho spuds right into a big vat of peanut oil. Oh, and you know they're Idaho potatoes because there's a sign next to the guy's head that tell you exactly what city in Idaho the potatoes came from (thank God for the people of Idaho, who live in quite possibly the crappiest state of all time just to bring me the most kick-a$$ fries ever invented). You look back at the prices on the menu just long enough to realize that they don't charge an arm and a leg for their actual beef because they don't advertise or spend billions on gaudy 'decor.' Once you pry yourself from this scene, you find the next awesomeness...FREE PEANUTS! That's right, take that aluminum bucket off your table and dunk it into the barrels of fresh, Georgia peanuts to munch on while you wait for the guy to actually BRING YOUR FOOD TO YOU! You get the food to find some of the best hamburgers ever to hit planet Earth and that yes, the one small order of fries that looked a tiny bit overpriced is, in fact, enough fries to feed every starving African kid for a month, which is enough for 2 adult men anywhere else. You think it's a dream, but you don't wake up...and then you realize it's cheap enough that you could actually eat there at least once a week without taking a dent to your wallet.

    McDonald's can suck my balls.

    Edit: Oh, and they have bottles of malt vinegar for the fries.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  2. The ClayTaurus
    Offline

    The ClayTaurus Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2005
    Messages:
    7,062
    Thanks Received:
    332
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +333
    You could eat there once a week without a dent in your wallet, but your heart will be screaming bloody murder.


    It's good, though.


    But they don't bring your food to you at the DC ones.
     
  3. Greg Bernhardt
    Offline

    Greg Bernhardt www.physics*****s.com

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    378
    Thanks Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Ratings:
    +12
    Burgers are the ultimate satisfying food. I luke Ruby Tuesday burgers personally.
     
  4. lilcountriegal
    Offline

    lilcountriegal Senior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2003
    Messages:
    1,633
    Thanks Received:
    59
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Ratings:
    +59
    Never even heard of this franchise until recently, actually. We're getting one within the next few months right up the road from me... people are already talking about how good their food is.

    Now I'm eager to try it... I'm a sucker for a good burger.
     
  5. pegwinn
    Offline

    pegwinn Top of the Food Chain

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2004
    Messages:
    2,549
    Thanks Received:
    329
    Trophy Points:
    98
    Location:
    Texas
    Ratings:
    +329
    Hobbit Hobbit Hobbit. My friend, my buddy.

    Now that you have articulated my typical barbeque everybody and their brother is going to be bothering me every weekend. I'll never get anything done. Mrs. G is going to be ticked off at me.

    Oh well, word had to get out someday.......

    :rofl:
     
  6. manu1959
    Offline

    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2004
    Messages:
    13,761
    Thanks Received:
    1,625
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    california
    Ratings:
    +1,626
    Alameda California this place called the new zelander.....

    sierra Nevada / Guinness, an all black match and and a big juicy burger

    fuckin brilliant
     
  7. jillian
    Offline

    jillian Princess Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    69,552
    Thanks Received:
    13,012
    Trophy Points:
    2,220
    Location:
    The Other Side of Paradise
    Ratings:
    +22,428
    1. Union Square Cafe, NYC... the burgers are made from filet mignon and are amazing.

    2. Peter Lugar's burger, Williamsburgh, Brooklyn..... I think they only serve it lunchtimes. Best tasting burger I ever tasted .... and not expensive by Peter Lugar standards.

    3. For the ultimate gooey, greasy burger.... Jackson Hole (various locations).
     
  8. KarlMarx
    Offline

    KarlMarx Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,231
    Thanks Received:
    490
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    ...
    Ratings:
    +490
    Cheeseburger on a crusty at Zopps in downtown Binghamton. Unfortunately, they aren't around around any longer because the owner retired and died.

    1/2 loaf of hard crust french brench
    1 pound of meat (at least)
    LOTS of cheese

    By the time you were done eating that baby your hunger had packed its bags and left town for a while.
     
  9. 5stringJeff
    Offline

    5stringJeff Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2003
    Messages:
    9,990
    Thanks Received:
    536
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Puyallup, WA
    Ratings:
    +540
    Best sentence posted on USMB this year.
     

Share This Page