A Letter to Phil Robertson

Discussion in 'Political Satire' started by JoeB131, Dec 21, 2013.

  1. JoeB131
    Offline

    JoeB131 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    91,944
    Thanks Received:
    7,821
    Trophy Points:
    1,815
    Location:
    Chicago, Chicago, that Toddling Town
    Ratings:
    +19,485
    (Yes, I know it's not original, and it applied to someone else, but it fits here!)

    Dear Mr. Robertson,

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.



    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?



    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?



    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.



    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?



    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?



    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?



    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?



    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?



    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?



    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.

    Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

    Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.


     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 2
  2. Two Thumbs
    Offline

    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2010
    Messages:
    35,592
    Thanks Received:
    6,054
    Trophy Points:
    1,140
    Location:
    Where ever I go, there I am.
    Ratings:
    +13,417
    :lol:


    that's not even a letter to Phil, that's a bunch of old gotcha lines that have been circling for years.

    but I do love the added can't own Canadians bit
     
  3. JoeB131
    Offline

    JoeB131 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    91,944
    Thanks Received:
    7,821
    Trophy Points:
    1,815
    Location:
    Chicago, Chicago, that Toddling Town
    Ratings:
    +19,485
    I acknowledged it wasn't original in the opening.

    This was originally addressed to Dr. Laura.

    Hey, what ever happened to her?
     
  4. Two Thumbs
    Offline

    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2010
    Messages:
    35,592
    Thanks Received:
    6,054
    Trophy Points:
    1,140
    Location:
    Where ever I go, there I am.
    Ratings:
    +13,417
    who?
     
  5. JoeB131
    Offline

    JoeB131 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    91,944
    Thanks Received:
    7,821
    Trophy Points:
    1,815
    Location:
    Chicago, Chicago, that Toddling Town
    Ratings:
    +19,485
    Exactly my point. HOmophobia is not a long term career enhancer.
     
  6. Esmeralda
    Offline

    Esmeralda Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2013
    Messages:
    25,040
    Thanks Received:
    17,525
    Trophy Points:
    2,415
    Location:
    Spain
    Ratings:
    +24,823
    She went the same way Phil Robertson is going, into oblivion.
     
  7. mudwhistle
    Online

    mudwhistle Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2009
    Messages:
    73,821
    Thanks Received:
    13,425
    Trophy Points:
    2,220
    Location:
    Wetwang With Fimber, Yorkshire
    Ratings:
    +35,401
    Everything you mentioned seems to have come from the Old Testiment, which is not Christianity. It is the laws God handed down to the Hebrews so they could survive living in the Desert. Sacrifice of livestock ended in God's eyes when Jesus was nailed to the cross. From then on Jesus is our sacrificial lamb. This is why he has often been called "The Lamb Of God".
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2013
  8. JoeB131
    Offline

    JoeB131 Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2011
    Messages:
    91,944
    Thanks Received:
    7,821
    Trophy Points:
    1,815
    Location:
    Chicago, Chicago, that Toddling Town
    Ratings:
    +19,485
    Ah, yes, the "THat's the Old Testament" excuse.

    While Jesus never really did revoke any of those laws. Never said anything bad about Slavery one way or the other.

    And the revoking of Kosher rules really didn't happen until St. Paul and the other Apostles decided that guys didn't want to give up their ham and shrimp and have their weiners chopped. But that slavery stuff, that hung around until, oh, fairly recently.

    So why can't I own Canadians. I mean, I own Toro every time he shows up, but that's not the same thing.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  9. mudwhistle
    Online

    mudwhistle Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2009
    Messages:
    73,821
    Thanks Received:
    13,425
    Trophy Points:
    2,220
    Location:
    Wetwang With Fimber, Yorkshire
    Ratings:
    +35,401
    Why did Jesus have to revoke all of those laws?

    He was a sacrifice. He wasn't on the Earth to right all of the wrongs in existence.
     
  10. mudwhistle
    Online

    mudwhistle Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2009
    Messages:
    73,821
    Thanks Received:
    13,425
    Trophy Points:
    2,220
    Location:
    Wetwang With Fimber, Yorkshire
    Ratings:
    +35,401
    Jesus mission was to bring non-Hebrews into God's house. The beginnings of the church was Hebrew but the teachings in the Old Testament had their purpose and the Gospel of Christ has it's purpose. As a matter of fact Jesus was critical of some of the repetitious ways described in Leviticus. They asked Jesus if there was a specific prayer he recommended and he didn't want to nail it down to one prayer, but just to make them happy he gave them the Lord's Prayer. "Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be they name........."
     

Share This Page

Search tags for this page

funny letter written to phil robertson about the bible