What would you think...

[Amanda]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

 

[Paulie]

You be who you want to be. If he isn't happy with it, then he isn't for you.

 

[Annie]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

I'm not too keen on men who want to tell me how to dress, beyond complimenting what I have on, that's always welcome. It seems it could be beyond presumptuous veering towards controlling?

 

[Steerpike]

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

I may have a somewhat biased view, having spent time working with battered/abused women in a shelter...

...I would take that sort of action that early in a relationship as a sign of control and predict that it would grow more pronounced over time. I suggest you wear your top like you want, and the next time he zips it up, zip it back down and tell him you prefer it that way. If he shows any signs of anger, I'd run away from that relationship if I were you.

 

[editec]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

Dump him.

He's a freaking control freak.

He'll only get worse if you put up with it.

 

[eots]

hey I was getting wood just having you describe it..sometimes less is more...if your not sexual active..it was probably getting his attention more than he could handle..take it as a compliment on your attractiveness and his desire to remain a gentlemen

 

[Jon]

Knee to the groin.

 

[xsited1]

Ask him about it. If you're conservative and so is he, he might have been trying to protect you from prying eyes. However, he must feel comfortable enough around you to adjust your clothes in public. If it had bothered me, I would've just mentioned it to you and let you take care of it if you thought it was a problem. Controlling? Maybe. If he is, you'd better find out sooner rather than later.

 

[Truthmatters]

Be very careful , that is a very possesive thing to do to a date.

Like Steerpike said its a big warning sign.

Trust your own feelings, you already seem to feel it was wrong.

Tell him to never do it again and watch his reactions very carefully.

 

[Diuretic]

I'm with those who see this as the mark of a controller. You should be relieved it's happened so early. Walk away and find someone else because this is how sadness starts.

 

[del]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

lose him like a bad habit- it's your skin, not his.

 

[Annie]

Amanda, seems there's a consensus. Both the left and right agree on something.

 

[AllieBaba]

I see it as the mark of someone who is embarassed by the inappropriate clothing of his date at church.

You don't show cleavage at church, anymore than you go without a bra, smack gum during prayers or wear a thong bikini. It's not the place.

On the other hand, he may be a control freak as well...I'm wondering how old you guys are. I don't see it as a huge red flag if a kid reaches over and zips up his inappropriately dressed gf; but if it bothers you tell him so, or just get rid of him.

 

[strollingbones]

o hell no....they have only been dating 3 or 4 weeks and he reaches over and touches her to change her appearance...and then says to her...your showing too much skin...o hell no....just ask yourself if you want anyone...a man or anyone telling you how to dress and act...cause if he is thinking at 3 weeks or so that he can do this...just think how the judge mental bastard will be after 3 years or so...he will be shopping with you making sure you get what he approves of. you will become that timid mouse that fears upsetting her husband...he may not beat you but he will use mental pressures that will make you feel more abused than you could ever imagine....you will be told what to read..what to say...dont even think about what will happen if you embarass him in front of his friends...family..church...the list will just go on and on....you will learn to smile and nod like a bobble headed doll...o and that sex thang...that will just be his thang...he will roll on top of you and roll right off...cause decent women dont ...etc etc etc....come on people....quit tiptoeing this guy is scum and she needs to cut and run....

run a test: put on what you think is cute...not sexy but just plain cute...you know that you would wear to lunch with your mom and dad....or anyone else...put on a smart outfit and open your top a wee bit...see how he reacts...

 

[strollingbones]

allie you idiot they met at church they were not at church.....

i still vote cut and run....

 

[AllieBaba]

Er..why not just talk to him about it, instead of resorting to deceit and/or trickery?

You sound like you have a little issue, mayhap.....

 

[AllieBaba]

Oh well crap, that changes everything, lol.

Talk to him or dump him, it's pretty easy and basic.

But I still don't see a certain amount of this sort of behavior as some sort of indication he's an abusive, control freak. Particularly if we're talking about KIDS, hello? I mean, have you ever reached over and tweaked someone's tie, or adjusted their collar?

Anyway, if it bugs her so, she should dump him. But please, just say no to hysteria. Not everyone is a monster.

 

[strollingbones]

allie would be well aquainted with issues.

 

[strollingbones]

3 weeks..that is the scarey part...and that he would do that in public....perhaps it is just me....but i would already be calling him gone...as in dumpsville...population: him

 

[PoliticalChic]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

That was inappropriate. He is not your father. If he thought you were revealing too much (which didn't seem like the case), he should have just piped up. Men tend to get possessive with their women, but zipping up the hoodie himself was going over the line. Perhaps if the situation arises again, maybe you should discuss it.

My husband in the past has asked me to change out of some pants that were too revealing. I looked in the mirror and I saw that he was right and changed out of them. He doesn't mind some cleavage showing as long as he is with me. I don't feel comfortable going out by myself in revealing clothes because I don't want men coming on to me.

Your boyfriend might have felt a bit insecure you looking "hot" and might be a bit jealous.