Boomerang Parents

[Annie]

NYT had an article about more men being caretakers for elderly parents, now I've just run across this:


Caring.com

...Later, my husband and I found ourselves talking it over more seriously. Could we pull it off, if the day came when my mother really needed our round-the-clock help? My kids adore my mother -- we all do -- and if there's one thing she's made clear, it's that she doesn't want to end her days in any kind of institution. Adapting our lives to include her daily presence wouldn't be easy, absent the manufacture of a real enchanted treehouse, but we decided we could do it, and the next time we saw her, we told her so.

For now, she's doing fine, and the offer is on hold. But if she does wind up taking us up on it, it turns out she'll be part of a fairly seismic demographic shift. Remember the "boomerang generation" -- the less-than-flattering term coined to describe the hordes of young adults who were moving back in with mom and dad when times got tough and they couldn't hold on to jobs or housing? Well, new research indicates that we may be headed for a kind of reverse boomerang -- a flood of seniors moving into the homes of the younger generation as a perfect storm of conditions prevents them from making the move to retirement communities when their need for care increases.

The cost of retirement community living is going up just as the two sources of cash many elders depend on to fund a move -- retirement portfolios and their homes -- are plummeting in value....

My folks had moved to FL after my mom suffered a stroke in 1995. In 2000 they came here for my son's graduation from middle school and daughter's from HS. My mom fell and broke her hip, from that time on she and my dad lived mostly with me, (for about 4 months while doing pt and actually beginning to walk again she lived with my brother's family as they have a ranch home. Then her hip broke again, that's when they moved in here.) I was lucky that my folks had enough money to have 24 hour nursing for my mom and that we finally found one caretaker willing to move in, rather than rotating 3.

I wouldn't say it was 'easy', even with the help. Hospital bed in living room and wheel chair on carpeting took a toll on my house. It's very difficult watching someone who was quite brilliant, slowly losing control of things once taken for granted. I can honestly say though, I'm glad we were able to keep her home until the last year, multiple TIA's and advanced osteoporosis made her too fragile. My dad lived with us until he died a year ago.

My folks had let my then husband and I live with them for about 3 months before we moved into our first house. When I divorced, my kids and I lived with them for over a year, indeed we stayed there for a while when they moved to FL. My brother and his wife lived with them when they built their first home. There was no question that when we needed them, they were there, so the time came to return the favor. While concerned at the time of what the toll on my kids was, I came to realize they gained understanding and patience that may never have developed if not caring for others.

Anyone else ever care for aging parents or fear that the time may be coming?

 

[PoliticalChic]

My parents haven't reached that point yet. I don't know if my husband or I can handle them living with us 24/7. It was one thing living with them as a child, but it's another having 2 households under one roof. I might be able to handle having them a few houses away from me. I love them, but I love them much more away from me.

I know some people who think putting their parents into a nursing home is cruel, but there are many folks out there who need 24/7 care and may not be able to afford all day/all night nursing care.

I know siblings fight about this too because they want to share in the responsiblity. It is sad because I personally know two families that gripe because one sibling refuse to help out with things like bringing the parent to the doctors office etc. I hope things won't be like that in my house, but I assume that most of the responsiblity will be mine because I've always been more family oriented.

There are many assisted living homes near me. That might be a good compromise for those needing good care for the parents, but don't have the time and effort that are necessary.

 

[strollingbones]

my mother is up there and her memory is going fast....but she insists on living alone and still seems to be doing okay...i live 4 hours away and have begged her to move closer ...she refuses....so yes i fear the day i must force her hand....


my man's parents are both doing very well...his grandmother just had her 100th birthday but they are all old and grumpie..he has this allusion that his sister will help out with the parents....i am not sure why since each time they were in the hospital it was us going there and taking care of them...she was busy...i am an only child so i dont get that sibling thing

 

[Annie]

Should your parent be living independently? A Checklist:

Get Your To-Do List

 

[waltky]

Millennials moving back in with parents in Near-record Numbers...

Adult Children Returning to Family Homes in Near-record Numbers
January 12, 2017 - "My dad was like, 'You should stay home until you get married,'" said Hannah Raines, 21, of Knoxville, Tennessee.

Raines emphasizes that her father was joking, but she says she is moving back in with her parents after she graduates from the University of Tennessee at Knoxville in May. She plans to work and save money for graduate school. She is not alone in her decision to become a “boomerang” kid. The Pew Research Center found that 32 percent of 18-to-34-year-olds lived at their parents' homes in 2014, the highest percentage to do so since 1940. Thirty-one percent were living with a significant other in their own household. Twenty-two percent were living in dormitories, group homes or with non-parent family members; and 14 percent lived alone or as single parents.

Millennials, young adults between the ages of 18 and 34 increasingly live with their parents.​

Experts say this generation of young adults is entering a different economic world from their predecessors. Starting salaries have not kept up with housing costs, much less with growing amounts of student debt. Pavel Marceux, a households specialist at market research firm Euromonitor International, says moving home can be a sound economic decision. Young adults living at home with little or no rent are freer to save money or pay down loans. In addition, the living arrangement can help aging parents keep abreast of changing technology, such as cellphones and "smart" appliances.

Dakota Raines and his twin sister, Hannah, are among the growing number of “boomerang” kids. Dakota has moved back in with his parents in Tennessee, and Hannah plans to do the same in May.​

Raines' parents, Jim and Juli, already have some experience in this area: Hannah's twin brother, Dakota, has lived with them since last year. Juli Raines says having her college-age son back home is fine with her. "It was very natural," she said, adding that the toughest adjustments were logistical ones. Since every member of the family has a car, parking was one such issue. "You don't really think about that, having enough room for everybody to park," she said.

Planning for the future