You seem to be very conscientious about attendance, but you seem to be consumed by a lack of inspiration in going to services. Do you believe prayer would alleviate your attendance angst? If so, take your issues to the Lord in prayer. You can also ask anyone to send up a little prayer for God's help. Something is bothering you about your church. You may already know what it is, which you are free to keep private or share with someone you deeply trust will keep your confidence. Whatever you decide, I wish you are given the strength to deal with whatever is making you miss services. Deep peace of Christ to you, vasuderatorrent.
What if it was something else like a church group meeting (I'm trying to think of something that is mandatory in regards to church)? Would that be better or worse than service? Is there is a difference between Wed and Sun services or you enjoy Wed night service less just because of your circumstances?. I enjoy Sun services due to the turnout. I probably would not enjoy going a second night unless it was a special holiday service, but I'm not like you. My church has group meetings the other days/nights. If we had a Wed night service, I think it's for people who cannot make it on Sun and not twice a week. The attendance card is interesting. Not something I'd want, but something to make you feel guilty and go (?).
A church group meeting isn't mandatory. It is just the four services that I mentioned.
Attending something like that would probably be better than a normal Wednesday night Bible Study.
There is not a lot difference between Sunday night or Wednesday night. It is just that I wake up so much earlier on Wednesday. I actually look forward to being home. It takes me 21 minutes to drive to church. That is 42 minutes right there. Then add an hour maybe an hour and 20 minutes if the kids classes go longer. It robs Wednesday evening from my life completely. It just seems wrong in my opinion. Many times I have drank coffee on Wednesday night before church just to help me feel human. That actually does help.
Guilt is self imposed. Shame is the same emotion but is imposed by outside forces. It is probably guilt but I could almost argue that it is shame and not guilt. When I took the job I told the head administrator that my attendance sucks ass. He seemed OK'ish with it. The spirit of this mandatory attendance policy was built upon a former teacher that didn't attend church at all for years. They just want to avoid a repeat of having a teacher like that again. Perhaps the head Administrator has a highly organized personality and formalizing everything he does.