USMB Coffee Shop IV

[Ringel05]

Last night was hard, like being in a waking nightmare with no way out. While I'm not sucidal I now know why some people take their lives or just give up and lock themselves away. I did two things that helped, started a grief journal and took a couple of Lorazepam to help sleep and help it did. I slept for about 9 hours straight and only a call at noon from the hospice bereavement counselor woke me up or I would have slept longer. The drawback to taking the Lorazepam is I'm now dealing with a mental and visual fog, can't wait for this shit to wear off and probably won't take it again unless my grief becomes overwealming again.

The grief tears you apart but is necessary for the healing that will come. I believe she is with you going through it. And helping as she can. I hope you can feel how much all of us care.

I'm learning to do something I could never do before and that's let people help I was too staunchly independent and I guess too proud to ask for or accept offered help. Tony, my friend and real estate agent who grew up in ABQ and is also ex-Navy offered help yesterday and I gracefully turned him down. He offered again today and after last night I decided to let him help. He came by with some Chinese food around 5:30 and we chatted until 11:30 when I kicked him out, he looked like he was about to fall asleep, way past his bed time. It was wonderful, helped lift me out of my depression, at least for now, and I found out I was actually hungry. Maybe next time he and his family can come over with maybe some other friends and we'll have a BBQ.
It felt good just talking about nothing.
Also told my neighbors, the wife had just been through the same thing last week with her mother so there's shared experiences.
People seem to be coming out of the woodwork to help, I'm feeling humbled and blessed.

I have a hard time asking for or accepting help. I've never been through what you are going through, but I hope you continue being able to accept help when it's offered. Take it as a sign that you have been doing something right to make people want to help you.

Yeah, it's difficult for those of us who have always considered ourselves self sufficient, it's a form of pride and it looks like God has broken that pride for me, I thank him for it.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Last night was hard, like being in a waking nightmare with no way out. While I'm not sucidal I now know why some people take their lives or just give up and lock themselves away. I did two things that helped, started a grief journal and took a couple of Lorazepam to help sleep and help it did. I slept for about 9 hours straight and only a call at noon from the hospice bereavement counselor woke me up or I would have slept longer. The drawback to taking the Lorazepam is I'm now dealing with a mental and visual fog, can't wait for this shit to wear off and probably won't take it again unless my grief becomes overwealming again.

The grief tears you apart but is necessary for the healing that will come. I believe she is with you going through it. And helping as she can. I hope you can feel how much all of us care.

I'm learning to do something I could never do before and that's let people help I was too staunchly independent and I guess too proud to ask for or accept offered help. Tony, my friend and real estate agent who grew up in ABQ and is also ex-Navy offered help yesterday and I gracefully turned him down. He offered again today and after last night I decided to let him help. He came by with some Chinese food around 5:30 and we chatted until 11:30 when I kicked him out, he looked like he was about to fall asleep, way past his bed time. It was wonderful, helped lift me out of my depression, at least for now, and I found out I was actually hungry. Maybe next time he and his family can come over with maybe some other friends and we'll have a BBQ.
It felt good just talking about nothing.
Also told my neighbors, the wife had just been through the same thing last week with her mother so there's shared experiences.
People seem to be coming out of the woodwork to help, I'm feeling humbled and blessed.

I have a hard time asking for or accepting help. I've never been through what you are going through, but I hope you continue being able to accept help when it's offered. Take it as a sign that you have been doing something right to make people want to help you.

Yeah, it's difficult for those of us who have always considered ourselves self sufficient, it's a form of pride and it looks like God has broken that pride for me, I thank him for it.

It is good character.
And it is also good character to recognize that when you are down, it is good to accept help because you are giving that person the opportunity to do something they want to do for you.

 

[Ringel05]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

 

[bluzman61]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sorry again to hear of your loss, Ring. I've been thinking of you and praying for you these past couple days.

 

[Ringel05]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sorry again to hear of your loss, Ring. I've been thinking of you and praying for you these past couple days.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

 

[bluzman61]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sorry again to hear of your loss, Ring. I've been thinking of you and praying for you these past couple days.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

You're welcome.

 

[Gracie]

Just an idea....maybe you can have a chat with Ollie in privatee? He was desolate when his wife passed. Desolate. But now he is enjoying family again, grandkids, his brother came to stay with him for awhile and if I am not mistaken..thinking of dating. This is wayyyy too soon to talk about, I know. But he's been there. Having pm chats or even phone chats could help you over hurdles. That is, if he himself is open to it. Beautress too.

Glad you got some good sleep without help from drugs. I finally FINALLY fell asleep around 7am. Just got up about an hour to go.No drugs either. It was normal sleep. Yay!

 

[Foxfyre]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sending you another virtual (((hug))). Do not feel week or discouraged when you have other waves of grief wash over you because most likely you will. But as time passes they will lessen, be further apart, until all the pain has faded into memory.

When my Aunt Betty lost her husband and best friend of 50 years a few years ago, she found as time passed she still had periods of feelings of lostness, depression, and such. We started having her over for Sunday lunches and a movie as Sundays were her worst days for this. Got her through it and we continue to do the Sunday thing because we all enjoy it. So don't be shy about continuing to accept help from those able to give it. Does them good. Does you good.

 

[Ringel05]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sending you another virtual (((hug))). Do not feel week or discouraged when you have other waves of grief wash over you because most likely you will. But as time passes they will lessen, be further apart, until all the pain has faded into memory.

When my Aunt Betty lost her husband and best friend of 50 years a few years ago, she found as time passed she still had periods of feelings of lostness, depression, and such. We started having her over for Sunday lunches and a movie as Sundays were her worst days for this. Got her through it and we continue to do the Sunday thing because we all enjoy it. So don't be shy about continuing to accept help from those able to give it. Does them good. Does you good.

I went out and found a nice, inexpensive wood box for her ashes for when they do cremate her. It was much more draining than I thought it would be. Got home, sat down at my computer and promptly fell asleep for three hours. I vaguely remember hearing her talking to me in my dreams, woke up and she was still gone. Having one of those waves of grief.

 

[Gracie]

She is still with you and trying to soothe you. Thats when you connect best...in dreams. When you wake up, know you had a nice visit and others will come forth too.

 

[Gracie]

I let the ferals in to play at night. They love Evie's toys..and of course her special extra expensive food, lol. Anyway...took a pic. The dark stripe, I can pet and pick up and cuddle lightly. The lighter one..no go. Wild as wild can be. Mama is the biggest one, keeping an eyeball on her babies.

Stinker, Peeps, Mama

Stinker and Mama

Stinker ^

 

[Gracie]

I'll put them out soon. Skeeters are coming in and eating me alive. I have the front door cracked so if they get scared, they can beeline out it.

 

[Foxfyre]

That's one great thing about the high desert. In all the years we've lived here--36 years now--we've never had a skeeter bite. And even flies are far and few between. The astounding variety of ants make up for them though.

 

[SFC Ollie]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sending you another virtual (((hug))). Do not feel week or discouraged when you have other waves of grief wash over you because most likely you will. But as time passes they will lessen, be further apart, until all the pain has faded into memory.

When my Aunt Betty lost her husband and best friend of 50 years a few years ago, she found as time passed she still had periods of feelings of lostness, depression, and such. We started having her over for Sunday lunches and a movie as Sundays were her worst days for this. Got her through it and we continue to do the Sunday thing because we all enjoy it. So don't be shy about continuing to accept help from those able to give it. Does them good. Does you good.

I went out and found a nice, inexpensive wood box for her ashes for when they do cremate her. It was much more draining than I thought it would be. Got home, sat down at my computer and promptly fell asleep for three hours. I vaguely remember hearing her talking to me in my dreams, woke up and she was still gone. Having one of those waves of grief.

I heard her voice for the first 2 years almost daily. Once she told me to let the dog in... He crossed the bridge nearly a year before she passed. I was opening the back door before I even thought about it. Hardest thing after her passing was spreading her ashes at the Grand Canyon. But it's what she wanted... Today I look at her picture now and then but haven't shed any new tears. As far as dating? It would be nice to have a woman in my life again, but seems almost out of reach.

 

[SFC Ollie]

Update on my Daughter....
She has been cleared to return to work...
She says " I have never been more ill in my life. "
"Better but totally exhausted."

 

[Ringel05]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sending you another virtual (((hug))). Do not feel week or discouraged when you have other waves of grief wash over you because most likely you will. But as time passes they will lessen, be further apart, until all the pain has faded into memory.

When my Aunt Betty lost her husband and best friend of 50 years a few years ago, she found as time passed she still had periods of feelings of lostness, depression, and such. We started having her over for Sunday lunches and a movie as Sundays were her worst days for this. Got her through it and we continue to do the Sunday thing because we all enjoy it. So don't be shy about continuing to accept help from those able to give it. Does them good. Does you good.

I went out and found a nice, inexpensive wood box for her ashes for when they do cremate her. It was much more draining than I thought it would be. Got home, sat down at my computer and promptly fell asleep for three hours. I vaguely remember hearing her talking to me in my dreams, woke up and she was still gone. Having one of those waves of grief.

I heard her voice for the first 2 years almost daily. Once she told me to let the dog in... He crossed the bridge nearly a year before she passed. I was opening the back door before I even thought about it. Hardest thing after her passing was spreading her ashes at the Grand Canyon. But it's what she wanted... Today I look at her picture now and then but haven't shed any new tears. As far as dating? It would be nice to have a woman in my life again, but seems almost out of reach.

I've read the greiving process typically lasts two years. As for dating, even if I wanted to I couldn't do it right now, not for a while if ever.

 

[Shawnee_b]

I've read the greiving process typically lasts two years. As for dating, even if I wanted to I couldn't do it right now, not for a while if ever.

Takes time and it's your time. Grieve as necessary. Talk to Hospice again, they can possibly help. Late but 2 hospice nurses did a book "Final Gifts" Sis a hospice nurse 3 years, I taught 5 doz or so Reiki, good people.

 

[Foxfyre]

I slept like a log without having to take the Lorazepam. Said good morning to my wife and thanked her for being part of my life for so long, had a little cry then made some coffee. At least I'm not feeling hopelessly lost, barely able to function. Thank you all and everyone else who has srtepped up and are making a difference for me. I am honored.

Sending you another virtual (((hug))). Do not feel week or discouraged when you have other waves of grief wash over you because most likely you will. But as time passes they will lessen, be further apart, until all the pain has faded into memory.

When my Aunt Betty lost her husband and best friend of 50 years a few years ago, she found as time passed she still had periods of feelings of lostness, depression, and such. We started having her over for Sunday lunches and a movie as Sundays were her worst days for this. Got her through it and we continue to do the Sunday thing because we all enjoy it. So don't be shy about continuing to accept help from those able to give it. Does them good. Does you good.

I went out and found a nice, inexpensive wood box for her ashes for when they do cremate her. It was much more draining than I thought it would be. Got home, sat down at my computer and promptly fell asleep for three hours. I vaguely remember hearing her talking to me in my dreams, woke up and she was still gone. Having one of those waves of grief.

I heard her voice for the first 2 years almost daily. Once she told me to let the dog in... He crossed the bridge nearly a year before she passed. I was opening the back door before I even thought about it. Hardest thing after her passing was spreading her ashes at the Grand Canyon. But it's what she wanted... Today I look at her picture now and then but haven't shed any new tears. As far as dating? It would be nice to have a woman in my life again, but seems almost out of reach.

I've read the greiving process typically lasts two years. As for dating, even if I wanted to I couldn't do it right now, not for a while if ever.

You'll know it's time if and when it happens. If it does it will probably be unplanned, unexpected, and just happen which has been the case with all our friends and loved ones who have lose their mates and then remarried.

 

[beautress]

Last night was hard, like being in a waking nightmare with no way out. While I'm not sucidal I now know why some people take their lives or just give up and lock themselves away. I did two things that helped, started a grief journal and took a couple of Lorazepam to help sleep and help it did. I slept for about 9 hours straight and only a call at noon from the hospice bereavement counselor woke me up or I would have slept longer. The drawback to taking the Lorazepam is I'm now dealing with a mental and visual fog, can't wait for this shit to wear off and probably won't take it again unless my grief becomes overwealming again.

Ringel, you are dearly loved by each of us. I came here just to tell you how brave you've been, and how you helped ease your dear wife in her time when she needed the love and assurance you gave her,quietly bearing grief to give her courage. No body could ask for more when the curtain drops. I have misty tears, having been through losing a spouse extraordinaire four years ago. It"s hard, I know. When I couldn't take it anymore, I got me some lined paper and began to write about the good things he did for others. Something good came of that. I started remembering the charming things he always said, and the endearing things he did just to make me happy. So instead of mourning I started recalling the litany of the things he did from the time we met up until before I knew not all of him was there. I won't ever forget that mischievous smile he threw my way daily for his daily ritual of "make the cook laugh" sly jokes. He gave me a legacy of sweet nothings that make me feel love and joy for all time. It's endless joy I'm not sure I deserve, as I do works for charity that could not ever be as wonderful as he was.
Hope you relive the good times. From my heart to yours.

 

[Gracie]

Just a heads up:

I've been doing a lot of typos lately. Sorry. Too lazy to edit unless its a really bad typo, lol.