Trump orders Bill Barr to investigate reports that women are voting!

[DrLove]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has ordered the Attorney General, Bill Barr, to investigate widespread reports that women are voting.​

​

Trump said that he had evidence that women were casting ballots in the tens of millions, a scandal that he called “bigger than Watergate.”​

​

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” he said. “We’re moving quite strongly and quite powerfully on the women.”​

​

He also issued advice to suburban women, of whom he claimed to possess a deep understanding.​

​

“Suburban women, you need to stay at home and cook dinner so your husbands can vote,” he said.​

Trump Orders Bill Barr to Investigate Reports That Women Are Voting

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” the President said.

www.newyorker.com

 

[Oddball]

Bore-owitz spam....

 

[pknopp]

I could see this out of Pence.

 

[Moonglow]

Now that the campaigning is over for Trump he can get that new application of orange tan spray...

 

[Juicey Omelette]

When did the New Yorker become The Onion?

 

[progressive hunter]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has ordered the Attorney General, Bill Barr, to investigate widespread reports that women are voting.​

​

Trump said that he had evidence that women were casting ballots in the tens of millions, a scandal that he called “bigger than Watergate.”​

​

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” he said. “We’re moving quite strongly and quite powerfully on the women.”​

​

He also issued advice to suburban women, of whom he claimed to possess a deep understanding.​

​

“Suburban women, you need to stay at home and cook dinner so your husbands can vote,” he said.​

Trump Orders Bill Barr to Investigate Reports That Women Are Voting

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” the President said.

www.newyorker.com

why are you assuming they identify as women???

 

[miketx]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has ordered the Attorney General, Bill Barr, to investigate widespread reports that women are voting.​

​

Trump said that he had evidence that women were casting ballots in the tens of millions, a scandal that he called “bigger than Watergate.”​

​

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” he said. “We’re moving quite strongly and quite powerfully on the women.”​

​

He also issued advice to suburban women, of whom he claimed to possess a deep understanding.​

​

“Suburban women, you need to stay at home and cook dinner so your husbands can vote,” he said.​

Trump Orders Bill Barr to Investigate Reports That Women Are Voting

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” the President said.

www.newyorker.com

Well if so that may be the only thing Barr has done.

 

[Moonglow]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has ordered the Attorney General, Bill Barr, to investigate widespread reports that women are voting.​

​

Trump said that he had evidence that women were casting ballots in the tens of millions, a scandal that he called “bigger than Watergate.”​

​

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” he said. “We’re moving quite strongly and quite powerfully on the women.”​

​

He also issued advice to suburban women, of whom he claimed to possess a deep understanding.​

​

“Suburban women, you need to stay at home and cook dinner so your husbands can vote,” he said.​

Trump Orders Bill Barr to Investigate Reports That Women Are Voting

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” the President said.

www.newyorker.com

Well if so that may be the only thing Barr has done.

He gained ten pounds...

 

[DrLove]

When did the New Yorker become The Onion?

Andy's been around for many years. But I did find ya a little related ditty from The Onion.

Woman Hopes She Did Enough Worrying To Help Biden Campaign​

ERIE, PA—Waiting on tenterhooks on the eve of the election, local woman Elise Stalter expressed her hope Monday that she had done enough worrying to help the Biden presidential campaign.​

​

“I’ve been panicking pretty much every day for the last few months, but now that there’s only one day left, I wonder if I could have done more,” said Stalter, admitting that while she had regularly taken to the streets to collapse in a puddle of despair, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she could have gone even further with her mental breakdown.​

​

“I’ve been sending out texts telling everyone I know that I’m constantly on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack, and I’ve spent hundreds of dollars supporting a variety of self-soothing products. Now I just pray that I’ve experienced enough existential dread to make a difference.”​

​

At press time, Stalter consoled herself that she still had almost a full day to slip into a catatonic state.​

Woman Hopes She Did Enough Worrying To Help Biden Campaign

ERIE, PA—Waiting on tenterhooks on the eve of the election, local woman Elise Stalter expressed her hope Monday that she had done enough worrying to help the Biden presidential campaign. “I’ve been panicking pretty much every day for the last few months, but now that there’s only one day left, I...

politics.theonion.com

 

[Dogmaphobe]

Bore-owitz spam....

He can't really help it.

He isn't intelligent enough to do any better.

 

[DrLove]

Bore-owitz spam....

He can't really help it.

He isn't intelligent enough to do any better.

Your handle implies that you fear dogma. And yet, you voted for Rump. That's ironic.

 

[Oddball]

Bore-owitz spam....

He can't really help it.

He isn't intelligent enough to do any better.

Your handle implies that you fear dogma. And yet, you voted for Rump. That's ironic.

I didn't vote at all, and you're still a crashing fucking bore.

 

[Juicey Omelette]

When did the New Yorker become The Onion?

Andy's been around for many years. But I did find ya a little related ditty from The Onion.

Woman Hopes She Did Enough Worrying To Help Biden Campaign​

ERIE, PA—Waiting on tenterhooks on the eve of the election, local woman Elise Stalter expressed her hope Monday that she had done enough worrying to help the Biden presidential campaign.​

​

“I’ve been panicking pretty much every day for the last few months, but now that there’s only one day left, I wonder if I could have done more,” said Stalter, admitting that while she had regularly taken to the streets to collapse in a puddle of despair, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she could have gone even further with her mental breakdown.​

​

“I’ve been sending out texts telling everyone I know that I’m constantly on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack, and I’ve spent hundreds of dollars supporting a variety of self-soothing products. Now I just pray that I’ve experienced enough existential dread to make a difference.”​

​

At press time, Stalter consoled herself that she still had almost a full day to slip into a catatonic state.​

Woman Hopes She Did Enough Worrying To Help Biden Campaign

ERIE, PA—Waiting on tenterhooks on the eve of the election, local woman Elise Stalter expressed her hope Monday that she had done enough worrying to help the Biden presidential campaign. “I’ve been panicking pretty much every day for the last few months, but now that there’s only one day left, I...

politics.theonion.com

Yeah, I remember a time before the TDS plague hit liberals that the Onion was somewhat funny every once in awhile.

 

[miketx]

They are holding a Trump vehicle rally in Israel. Tons of cars and people, with people calling Trump a hero. You traitor scum are done.

 

[Lysistrata]

Be afraid. Be very afraid. We're here, we're digging in our high heels, and we ain't going anywhere.

I'm so nasty.

 

[Dogmaphobe]

Bore-owitz spam....

He can't really help it.

He isn't intelligent enough to do any better.

Your handle implies that you fear dogma. And yet, you voted for Rump. That's ironic.

I own a small business, andas such, I would have to possess an IQ like yours to vote for the globalist party that is dedicated to snuffing out small business in this country.

I do not have your IQ, however, as I am intelligent enough to vote in my own self interest as well as the interests of millions like me.

 

[DrLove]

Bore-owitz spam....

He can't really help it.

He isn't intelligent enough to do any better.

Your handle implies that you fear dogma. And yet, you voted for Rump. That's ironic.

I own a small business, andas such, I would have to possess an IQ like yours to vote for the globalist party that is dedicated to snuffing out small business in this country.

I do not have your IQ, however, as I am intelligent enough to vote in my own self interest as well as the interests of millions like me.

More than half of small businesses will not be coming back thanks to Dear Leader's botched response.
Glad yours survived, but that is not an indication of intellect.

More than half of businesses that closed during the pandemic won't reopen

About 60% of businesses that have closed during the coronavirus pandemic will never reopen, and restaurants have suffered the most, according to new data from Yelp.

www.cnn.com

 

[C_Clayton_Jones]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has ordered the Attorney General, Bill Barr, to investigate widespread reports that women are voting.​

​

Trump said that he had evidence that women were casting ballots in the tens of millions, a scandal that he called “bigger than Watergate.”​

​

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” he said. “We’re moving quite strongly and quite powerfully on the women.”​

​

He also issued advice to suburban women, of whom he claimed to possess a deep understanding.​

​

“Suburban women, you need to stay at home and cook dinner so your husbands can vote,” he said.​

Trump Orders Bill Barr to Investigate Reports That Women Are Voting

“We’re not going to let this happen in our country,” the President said.

www.newyorker.com

And once again – all good satire contains elements of the truth.

 

[Dogmaphobe]

Bore-owitz spam....

He can't really help it.

He isn't intelligent enough to do any better.

Your handle implies that you fear dogma. And yet, you voted for Rump. That's ironic.

I own a small business, andas such, I would have to possess an IQ like yours to vote for the globalist party that is dedicated to snuffing out small business in this country.

I do not have your IQ, however, as I am intelligent enough to vote in my own self interest as well as the interests of millions like me.

More than half of small businesses will not be coming back thanks to Dear Leader's botched response.
Glad yours survived, but that is not an indication of intellect.

More than half of businesses that closed during the pandemic won't reopen

About 60% of businesses that have closed during the coronavirus pandemic will never reopen, and restaurants have suffered the most, according to new data from Yelp.

www.cnn.com

You are even less intelligent than I imagined if you think it was Trump spearheading the campaign to shut down small business.

 

[DrLove]

Bore-owitz spam....

He can't really help it.

He isn't intelligent enough to do any better.

Your handle implies that you fear dogma. And yet, you voted for Rump. That's ironic.

I own a small business, andas such, I would have to possess an IQ like yours to vote for the globalist party that is dedicated to snuffing out small business in this country.

I do not have your IQ, however, as I am intelligent enough to vote in my own self interest as well as the interests of millions like me.

More than half of small businesses will not be coming back thanks to Dear Leader's botched response.
Glad yours survived, but that is not an indication of intellect.

More than half of businesses that closed during the pandemic won't reopen

About 60% of businesses that have closed during the coronavirus pandemic will never reopen, and restaurants have suffered the most, according to new data from Yelp.

www.cnn.com

You are even less intelligent than I imagined if you think it was Trump spearheading the campaign to shut down small business.

Ineptitude is a bitch huh?